Tag Archives: endings

FINISHING – day 121 in a year of…

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Day 121 – November 23, 2016@3:25 pm

img_8488Ta-Da!  My sweater is finished on the third go around.  I can’t recall when I bought the yarn or how long the last start sat in my knitting basket.  I do remember that it was before the Internet, Google and iPhones.  In short, a long time ago. Checking back through my Instagram photos, I started the latest version on August 15th, this year – a little over 3 months ago.  So I can start and go the whole 9 yards.  It feels good not to give up and quit, time and time again.

I do have this pattern of quitting on myself, not believing in my own worth.  I do things mostly for other people because I don’t want to be a selfish, self-centered person.  I did not understand that it is our nature to be self-ish wanting things for ourselves, to look after our needs, to want love and respect.  At almost 30, I gave up on part of myself.  I left a marriage but never sought a divorce, an ending to an end.  Why pay twice?  I was never going to marry again.  But I’ve paid more than twice for that decision in ways that I don’t even know.

13975301_10153739861000887_8373373417371722067_oI did not understand this necessity of finishing then.  I do now.  ‘It’ catches up with you and you have to write ‘the end’ somehow if you want to be free to live the life you want.  So – many years after and with divine help, I did write THE END to one chapter.  Now I can start on the next chapter, sweater or whatever, in whatever colour, pattern or stitch I want.  Knit one, purl one, knit two, purl two….THE END

CHANGES – Endings and Beginnings

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IMG_3103The dishes are done and laundry hung. The Roomba is operating on its own in the living room. There’s still a million things to be done but isn’t there always?  The tomatoes can wait. A few more hours on the vine will sweeten them more. That goes for the grapes also. Everything can wait.

It’s time for me to put up my feet and have my tea. What is it with us girls?  We just can’t do without our cuppa. Life is so much better and easier with this pause in the day. I like to sit here in my favourite spot and savour the experience. Thoughts, pictures and words parade through my mind.

IMG_3088It is September, end of summer and the beginning of another season, school and work for some. For us it is a return to the city from the lake. Endings, beginnings and changes are ever with us. But for all that, the more things change, the more they remain the same.

It is easy to slip back into the same old ruts. The grooves are deep and the mud is sticky. It is only with grit and determination that I don’t fall over the slippery slopes again. Past experiences are painful but I do learn from them.

My ugly sister, my evil twin showed herself again, whispering her thoughts and feelings. I believed her at first but then I had to ask. Is that true?  She was silent. I forgave her lies and loved her anyways. I loved her that was part of me.

We are stronger knowing we are part of each other. Even though with all the things that remain the same, we do not have to be the same. We can do different.