Morning has broken like the first morning again. Sunshine coming through the clouds as I sit here tapping out the words. I hope they will flow smoothly. I was sitting thus yesterday when we got a surprise visit from a friend and his dog. I was a little confused at first. With his mask on, he looked exactly like the guy. He was coming up the deck stairs. I was face to face with him through the window. He held up his coffee from Robin’s Doughnuts and I wondered why he went out and bought me a coffee. And how did he get out without me noticing. All this must have flashed across my face. He pulled down his mask. That’s when I noticed Mabel, the dog.

Ir was a beautiful sunny morning. The guys had a good visit outside. I got to play with Mabel. She’s friendly and energetic, alot like Sheba. She was better behaved though, not running off. Perhaps it was because she had a better trainer/owner. We had a little walk down the back alley, Mabel sniffing and smelling everything. I was surprised by how familiar and comforting it felt. I was surprised by the softening and opening of my heart, by the joy that rushed in. In 9 days it will be a year since Sheba’s departed this earthly world. Love has no expiry date. It was good to experience it again – unconditional love.

I’m misty eyed by the memories and feelings. They’re happy, soft and loving ones. They’re thoughts to nourish and sustain one through the not so easy days. Sheba and I had 14 years of loving, adventures and learning together. I couldn’t ask for more. I believe in the words from Tennyson:

I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.


I read Sheba the riot act this morning.  Enough! I told her firmly.  Two days of her constant restlessness and attachment to me was taking its toll.  Life could not go on as is. Time to put in some boundaries.  She was developing some bad behaviour from our coddling because of her anxiety attacks.

ShebaShe could not tell us what the problem was but she was always a bit of a scarity cat right from puppyhood.  She would not leave the kitchen area.  The only way for me to get her out the yard for a walk was to take her in the car and drive to the neighbourhood park. We got an igloo dog house for Christmas the first year.  She was scared of it and I had to go in with her.  That is, I had to lay down and stick my head in.  What I wouldn’t do for Sheba. She outgrew all these, but now….

I am getting weary – and frustrated.  Seems like every time she make some progress, she gets another episode.  I have witnessed some of her attacks and there doesn’t seem to be any triggers.  She would be playing, eating or not do anything particular when she would stop, yelp and come running to me, shaking.  She has always settled down after it all passed and rest.  Lately, she’s been restless and watchful all the time.  We have to stay with her while she eats.  And she needs company to go out to potty.

We had been at the vet not too long ago and I had mentioned her anxiety attacks.  She passed her physical and bloodwork.  I’m calling forth patience and calmness to get both of us through this.  I wonder if HE is testing me.  How serious am I with my meditation and yoga practice?

It’s a piece of cake to practice when things are hunky dory.  It’s quite another when they aren’t.  The aren’ts crowd and overtake my mind.  I breathe and find my way back, reminding myself that it is precisely for these times that I am practicing for.  I am still on track.  God has a way of keeping his eyes on me.

This morning I would have abandoned my new way of eating.  I would have say “Give me 2 eggs and 2 pieces of toast.  I wanted to fill that hole created by stress and it would be a start towards that slippery slope.  But we only had 2 eggs in the fridge – one for me and one for my Significant Other.  Saved by what is!

Sheba and I are soldiering on.   She is resting after a morning walk.  The streets are better but still is treacherously slippery.  I am happy that I haven’t fallen as some poor woman did, walking her dogs.  I have done some research on dogs and anxiety and trying out some remedies.  I will be patient and calm and breathe through it all.




These summer evenings have been just perfect for leisurely strolls.  The heat of the day is gone, but it is still warm.  The air is calm, with just enough of a breeze.  Oh, these lazy, hazy eves of summer!

IMG_1124You can literally say that everyone and their dogs are out.  I keep a tight rein on Sheba. She’s an excited girl.  Tonight she’s preoccupied sniffing every telephone pole and sign post.  We are not moving along fast.  It’s a step, step, then sniff, sniff.  It is a bit annoying. We are not getting an aerobic workout by any stretch of the imagination.  I have to remind myself that every dog needs its day.  I let her sniff to her content.  It’s her time.

It is the last day of July.  I should be at my keyboard tapping out something profound.  But the evening calls and we follow, past the church, its door lit like a beacon in the night.  We come by the playground with the big pencil pointing upward.  I know.  I still have my writing to do.  I will get to it when we get home.

I am here, trying to find those magical words.  I’ve left it too late.  They, too, have their time.  I have to give them more respect and not take them for granted.  Till tomorrow then, dear readers.  Tomorrow.  Good night.