I must sit down and put down a few words for day 27 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. If I don’t the time will be lost. I will be struggling late into the evening for my words. They always find their way to my fingertips. But I’m often left in high alert, mentally and physically at the finish line. Not a good way to end the day and ease into sleep.
I was jesting yesterday about needing Temple Grandin’s cattle chute to calm and keep me on the beaten path. The subject is still on my mind this morning. On second thought, I should take it seriously. It might and probably will work for me. I don’t have a diagnosis of autism but aren’t we all on a continuum of symptoms? I can certainly get fixated on things and spend too much time on them. Since Temple Grandin came into mind yesterday, I’ve spent time researching her and have reserved 3 books from the library. And now I’m writing on the subject. Oh boy, I’m easily stimulated and distracted. I need those ideas on chutes and corrals of hers.
I just have to rethink what that chute/squeeze box/hug machine might be for me. It deserves some pondering and could make life more easeful. Now I have to think, plan and design a workable curved ‘chute’, a squeeze box for myself so that I’m stay on track and derailed on every turn. One ‘box’ is my 20 minute meditation session in the morning. It does hold me still and in comfort. Not doing anything. Not going anywhere.
Then there are my words. It’s the purpose of me being here in my ‘box’, tapping. The physicality of being here, in my chair, in front of the keyboard, hearing the rhythm of the keys and seeing the letters and words marching across the screen is soothing. Whew! What a long sentence but it works. Does it not? It is my tool of laying everything out, making order and sense so that my brain can see it. I am more of a feely kind of a person. I live innately. I have a difficult time explaining to another. This is the best I can do. Perhaps it is why I often feel lost in this vastness of life. There are no hooks for me to hang my hat on.
Now I see that I do have 2. Enough said for one day. My brain is tired and getting fogging. But it is valuable to have an analysis of my January word journey. The train ride is almost over. I am happy with it. I will not demand a refund when I pull into the last destination. Perhaps I will talk more on the next leg tomorrow.
I was surprised that I did sleep well last night. But my worms are alive and wiggling again this morning. Our province and I’m sure other parts of the country are awashed with grief. 15 people were killed over the weekend when the Humboldt Broncos junior hockey team bus collided with a transport truck. There are no words to describe but I’ll try to tap dance my way out. It serves no purpose to be caught in darkness and hopelessness. I might as well get on with shedding my mental and physical trash.
I have never found an easy journey, not any that’s worth travelling. First of all, you have to know your destination, where you want to arrive or achieve. Then you have to know the directions and how to’s. You would need a vehicle or tools. Do you have enough fuel or the desire. These are the considerations before you start out. I have failed in the past because lack of planning and thinking out the steps. Now that I know better, how am I doing?
I like to think I’m doing better. I know I am doing very well. I have a destination. I have tools. I have focus. I have read 70% of Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. It contains very good information of how and why we became who we are. Understanding is the key to any procedure/change. It is the aha/lightbulb moment. It is tricky though. Now I see. Then I don’t see. I’ve had to give things a rest until I see again. It is difficult but I am persistent in emptying my mental trash along with my physical and computer trash.
It is almost noon. Time to think about and prepare lunch. My Roomba is going up and down the hall, having vacuumed the bedroom and the bathroom. Cleanliness is next to holiness in my humble opinion. No more trash is my new motto.
Here I am, showing up for another day. It’s almost two and a half months into my yearly challenge of doing different. But who’s counting, eh? The good thing about me is that I am easily motivated. Give me a suggestion and I’m off. You don’t have to fire that gun at the starting line. The trouble with me is – I’m easily bored. I don’t have staying power. I fall off that proverbial wagon constantly. Hence, I have many unfinished projects – sweaters, cross-stitches, petite points, want-to-be books, wanna ambitions….
So how do I stay motivated and get to the Promised Land? The destination is still far off beyond the horizon. How not to live half-assed? How do I romance myself? It’s the core of this yearly challenge. I have to leave it here and finish my tea. How are you romancing yourself?