Tag Archives: dealing with problems

SURVIVAL FOR DUMMIES

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Egad, another sleepless night! What is to become of me? What a strange and challenging summer. I hope to survive and thrive it. Take that you devils and demons! POW!WHAM! BANG! I had such a good day yesterday, only to be disturbed by some jerk on Instagram in the evening. He caught me by surprise. Generally when someone gives my post a ‘lovely’/positive comment, I would ‘like’ it unless I didn’t see it. That’s being polite, right? So I gave his comment a ‘like’. He comments back immediately, DEMANDING why I didn’t answer his DMs (direct messages). I never answer those from men looking for women. I can tell who they are. To be polite, I commented back, Do you know how many messages I get? He agreed that it’s probably many but insisted that I must get notified about them immediately because he does. Then he demanded my email address.

He really got under my skin coming across that I should/had to answer him. Where does he come from when he had expressed no interest in my art or photographic work at all – except the one of my sexy painted fingernails? I deleted his comment and blocked him. I changed my profile photo to one with the guy. How ironic that I need a guy to ward off guys. But it was too late. The damage was done. I was disturbed. A worm got into my head and I was sleepless in Saskatoon.

It’s not new that a worm wiggle into my head and I can’t get it out. This time I can see how that worm got there despite my sleepless stupor. I am too polite for my own good. I don’t avoid or run away from issues but I don’t handle them effectively either. I hate hurting other people’s feelings but in the end that’s the result anyhow. Most of the time I absorb all the guilt. But really how can all the fault lie with one person? I lose too much energy to other people’s demands because I can’t say no, I can’t do this or that. I lose my energy because I can’t hurt another’s feeling by being direct and blunt when necessary. I try to pretty/butter it up.

I see it for the first time now. I hope I won’t lose any more sleep over something as small or stupid as some yahoo I don’t even know online. But I do thank him for making me see my ways. Maybe he is really my angel in disguise because it was strange how it happened. I’ve never had someone coming at me through comments on my posts. I do get quite a few messages from a wide assortment of men. None has got nasty at me not accepting or answering their messages. I have no idea what these men are after. Do women really fall for their flattery? I have to smile at this one I got, though. How could I not?

 I’m wired but still not sleepy. Trying not to sweat it. Resting, doing nothing only makes me feel worse. I’m tending to my life at a slow even pace – like a tortoise.

When I have days like this, it would help to have ready made meals on hand. But I don’t. I made scrambled eggs and boiled some perogies. A sliced cucumber was my vegetable. Then I made a batch of yogurt. It was not complicated, requiring no brain power. The Roomba cleaned the floors. I just moved it from room to room. I found some frozen sticky rice my mother gave me. It’s steamed and ready for me. The guy is supposed to be home in time to make supper. I might have a beer on the deck later if it cools off a bit. That should unwire me, don’t you think?

I don’t think I can do any art today. But maybe after my sticky rice and beer……

MESSAGE TO LILY

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How intrusive the world! So many phone calls on things I do not need nor asked for. Those poor Call Center employees. I am not much of a consumer. They will not get much business from me. They do not listen. They keep calling back. I hang up. I am not in a ‘good mood’ or a peaceful frame of mind. My head is in a dither. The conversation within is like a ticker tape going on endlessly.

There’s no stopping it so I just watch it in my mind’s eye. I’m tapping here to slow down the ticking in my head and the fluttering in my heart. It’s working. My mind and hands are engaged in another activity. I’ve done my qigong routine. A batch of yogurt is under the yogurt machine’s hood. I’m finishing the last of the strawberries before they go bad. The bills are paid except for my property tax. I still have till the end of June to deal with it. I’ve gathered my papers to meet with my banker this afternoon. Even retired, there’s stuff to deal with. It’s not a vacation. I’m not in a hammock by the beach. Some days I want to run away from home.

My garden is a bit half assed this year. I’ve started a few bedding plants, enough petunias and snapdragons for my mother’s flower beds. She doesn’t ask for much. In fact she doesn’t ask for anything. But it is nice that I could do this much for her. I hope she will let me plant them for her. Her strength has declined but she is fiercely independent. She is very good at compensating and finding alternative ways of doing everything. My mother is awe-inspiring.

I have seeded one raised bed with lettuce, spinach and kale. They are all rising above the earth. The other 4 beds sit empty, waiting for me to get my shit together. I have cleared and worked the garden area. The strawberries I transplanted last fall have survived. The rhubarb is looking good. The peas and a few beans are planted. I am a bit lost but not idle.

It is late afternoon. I am hot and tired. I have met with my banker. We did some planning. All is well but I have not kept up with records and paperwork. It is not anything new but it is quite distressing to me. There is no point in tackling the problem now, though I did try. It resulted in more hair-on-end kind of frustration. I have to sort it out as I had with the basement, a little at a time.

I am learning a lesson here. No matter how we I try to ignore or hide a problem, whatever it is, it never goes away. It will surface sooner or later. You I will have to face it or maybe trip over it. There’s no where to hide. It demands resolution. I think I’ve finally got the message now. Really I have.