Egad, another sleepless night! What is to become of me? What a strange and challenging summer. I hope to survive and thrive it. Take that you devils and demons! POW!WHAM! BANG! I had such a good day yesterday, only to be disturbed by some jerk on Instagram in the evening. He caught me by surprise. Generally when someone gives my post a ‘lovely’/positive comment, I would ‘like’ it unless I didn’t see it. That’s being polite, right? So I gave his comment a ‘like’. He comments back immediately, DEMANDING why I didn’t answer his DMs (direct messages). I never answer those from men looking for women. I can tell who they are. To be polite, I commented back, Do you know how many messages I get? He agreed that it’s probably many but insisted that I must get notified about them immediately because he does. Then he demanded my email address.

He really got under my skin coming across that I should/had to answer him. Where does he come from when he had expressed no interest in my art or photographic work at all – except the one of my sexy painted fingernails? I deleted his comment and blocked him. I changed my profile photo to one with the guy. How ironic that I need a guy to ward off guys. But it was too late. The damage was done. I was disturbed. A worm got into my head and I was sleepless in Saskatoon.

It’s not new that a worm wiggle into my head and I can’t get it out. This time I can see how that worm got there despite my sleepless stupor. I am too polite for my own good. I don’t avoid or run away from issues but I don’t handle them effectively either. I hate hurting other people’s feelings but in the end that’s the result anyhow. Most of the time I absorb all the guilt. But really how can all the fault lie with one person? I lose too much energy to other people’s demands because I can’t say no, I can’t do this or that. I lose my energy because I can’t hurt another’s feeling by being direct and blunt when necessary. I try to pretty/butter it up.

I see it for the first time now. I hope I won’t lose any more sleep over something as small or stupid as some yahoo I don’t even know online. But I do thank him for making me see my ways. Maybe he is really my angel in disguise because it was strange how it happened. I’ve never had someone coming at me through comments on my posts. I do get quite a few messages from a wide assortment of men. None has got nasty at me not accepting or answering their messages. I have no idea what these men are after. Do women really fall for their flattery? I have to smile at this one I got, though. How could I not?

 I’m wired but still not sleepy. Trying not to sweat it. Resting, doing nothing only makes me feel worse. I’m tending to my life at a slow even pace – like a tortoise.

When I have days like this, it would help to have ready made meals on hand. But I don’t. I made scrambled eggs and boiled some perogies. A sliced cucumber was my vegetable. Then I made a batch of yogurt. It was not complicated, requiring no brain power. The Roomba cleaned the floors. I just moved it from room to room. I found some frozen sticky rice my mother gave me. It’s steamed and ready for me. The guy is supposed to be home in time to make supper. I might have a beer on the deck later if it cools off a bit. That should unwire me, don’t you think?

I don’t think I can do any art today. But maybe after my sticky rice and beer……