Day 46, September 6, 2016 @10:49

Days like today are dangerous for falling into moping and feeling sorry for myself.  They are dangerous for wasting time and feeling justified in it.  Oh, I deserve to have a rest and let everything go.  Meanwhile, underneath it all, things gnaw at me.  I do want to … I wonder as to what is stopping me.  I do have a choice.  So I work a little harder in trying to understand myself.  I wonder if I have to understand.  I think about just doing.  After all, all I have to do is move a body part, then another one.

I’m an inspiration seeker – wherever I can find it.  This morning it is from the poet/writer, David Whyte. He writes of joy as “is a meeting place, of deep intentionality and self forgetting”.  It is a little ping, ping moment for me.  I get them often but have mostly laugh them off.  I discard them, not honouring my ability for sensing these gifted pings from the Universe.  But now, I am trusting myself and valuing my senses.  I am listening.  I am setting intentions to create an environment for joy to come.  Not all days are equal.  Some days it is harder to carry out the intentions.

What/how am I going about today?  Now that I have changed my mood and mindset a little, I can see the forest through the trees.  I can think about what’s for dinner, changing the sheets on the bed and bringing out the fall duvet.  It’s none too warm in the morning, though I can see a teenage girl wearing shorts on this first day going to school.  I can clean the deck and bring in my plants .  I have been thinking about that every day but haven’t. There’s tomatoes, hot peppers, squashes, beans and grapes to be harvested.  There’s rhubarb to pick and a crisp to make.  Then there’s art to do.  Oh, a little bird just came to the window.  I felt my heart lighting up. Is that joy?  I will tell you tomorrow.