Tag Archives: authenticity

CLICKASNAP, SHEBA AND MR. SCROOGE

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A full stomach and sunshine makes me satisfied and sleepy. Somebody else is that way, too. Sheba is curled up peacefully on her bed. I should not speak too soon. You know how that can jinx a situation. Shhhh!

Yesterday I came upon someone’s post about Clickasnap, a photo sharing site that allows free hosting of your photos and opportunity of sharing and earning some money. It all sounds great as I have had to upgrade my free WordPress plan to a paid personal one because I ran out of storage space. Clickasnap sounded like the perfect soloution. But on second thought after reading about it, it sounded complicated to my non-techy brain. It would take me a long time to figure it out.

I will perhaps keep it in mind to investigate at my leisure. Since my plan gives me priority support, I might ask the Happiness Engineers about it. That would be time consuming, too. I really want to concentrate on my writing. My free plan lasted 5 years before I ran out of space. If I am not such a clutterbug, had organized my photos and not duplicated many of them, I am sure my storage space would be fine. It pays to be more organized. I will not fret about it. $5/month will help keep me in line. I will be watching my GBs closely and editing and labelling photos.

The furry monster has woken and has ears on back of her head. She hears people on the street from the back of the house. She can hear me peel a banana in another room. She barks alot and loudly. We have another hour to go before her supper. We’ll see how patient and consistent we are today. I have the kettle on for another cup of tea. Somehow that always help. It’s better than lighting up another cigarette like the olden days.

We are making good progress. Sheba knows the drill now. She is whimpering softly but she is obediently doing her ‘down.’  She is very cute and causes me to smile with her little whimper. It is hard to resist her but I do. I know she is not that hungry. Only 3 more minutes before chow time. She gives another little whimper.

So it goes. 3:00 pm. She forgets herself and rushes at the bowl. I almost forgot, too but admonishes her. She sits back and waits till I’m finished pouring her kibbles and gives her ‘okay’. See how easily things can slide back if you are not paying attention?

It is the first of December. I have been thinking about Christmas. I have done away with the gifting part of it. How will I celebrate it? How can I make it meaningful and joyous? And exactly what is its true meaning? We talk so much about it. We talk a lot about simplifying but often it ends up more complicated. I wonder, too, how my ungifting Christmas will affect my family. I like to think that it is just about me, but it does affect others. It’s that pebble casting ripples through the universe. Christmas is not where I want that effect to work. I do not want to be the Scrooge who ruins everyone’s Christmas. But to be authentic, you have to be brave and do what you say you want. I’m doing it.

Now it is time for our walk.

A DAY LIKE TODAY

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FullSizeRenderSaturday morning, sunlight streaming through the windows. A morning too beautiful to be distracted by a million useless thoughts.  They are teeming and floating in my brain like the dust motes in sunbeams.  I want to eradicate them, but the more I try, the more agitated I become. There’s nothing to do but to accept every one of them gracefully and move along as best as I can.

IMG_3416What I need to do today is physical work, moving one foot in front of the other. Do one thing and then another.  No deep thoughts or brain surgery today.  If thoughts arise, I can watch them as clouds floating by.  No good in delving into them.  I cannot solve the mysteries of life – especially on days when I feel like this.

Days like this are best spent in quiet solitude.  No point in seeking company or help either.  I bet even my mother is not available.  Best hunker down, take a breath and ease myself.  Words are not coming easily.  Sentences do not form. Thoughts assault my head in tangles.  Get a grip.  Get a move on.  What can you do?

~~~~~

It is evening now.  My thoughts and nettles have settled.  Lunch have been made and ate.  I have doodled and transplanted seedlings of cabbages, kohlrabi and other things of green.  Sheba and I have walked.  Supper is in the making. Now I sit and tap a few words here and there.  Nothing to write home about. Nothing lost either. I am sure there will be more days like today ahead.  The thing is not to despair, not to think too much and not to strive at all.  The thing to do is just that – do.

There is pleasure in doing – the physical satisfaction of something accomplished despite everything going against our grain.  You see, I do strive even though.  I can’t help myself.  There is nothing wrong in being your authentic self.

ON NOT BEING A MOTHER

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It is a cool grey Sunday morning in Saskatoon.  Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there.  Anne Lamott’s May 8 post on the occasion is giving me pause for thought about the day and motherhood.

IMG_2525I’m realizing that in all my years I have always been a daughter and never a mother – that is except to my fur baby, Sheba.  How does that making me feel deep inside?  In a sense I feel that I’m still a child, waiting to grow up, to have that family and become a mother.  I’m waiting to be authenticated so that I can truly start living.  But I realize that it is a false feeling, generated by false assumptions of how we should be.

In all honesty, I have never had vision of a white picket fence, children or being domestic and in the kitchen.  I confess that I have developed a love for cooking, baking and other domestic endeavours at this late date. I have to sew myself an apron so I can really feel and look the role.

I believe that we are here for different roles and purposes.  Motherhood was not meant for me.  I do not feel a loss or tragic about it.  Life and love flows through different avenues and streets.  Sometimes I encounter traffic jams and have to choose detours and roundabouts.  Often I opt for the road less travelled even though it is more difficult.

IMG_6822I admire and appreciate what my mother and all mothers do to raise their children to be authentic beings.  They are mothers every day.  I do my best to show my mother my appreciation every day.

Though I never saw the husband along with the white picket fence and motherhood, somehow there is a man on the premise. We have a white fence to keep our fur baby out of the garden patch.