It is a cool grey Sunday morning in Saskatoon.  Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there.  Anne Lamott’s May 8 post on the occasion is giving me pause for thought about the day and motherhood.

IMG_2525I’m realizing that in all my years I have always been a daughter and never a mother – that is except to my fur baby, Sheba.  How does that making me feel deep inside?  In a sense I feel that I’m still a child, waiting to grow up, to have that family and become a mother.  I’m waiting to be authenticated so that I can truly start living.  But I realize that it is a false feeling, generated by false assumptions of how we should be.

In all honesty, I have never had vision of a white picket fence, children or being domestic and in the kitchen.  I confess that I have developed a love for cooking, baking and other domestic endeavours at this late date. I have to sew myself an apron so I can really feel and look the role.

I believe that we are here for different roles and purposes.  Motherhood was not meant for me.  I do not feel a loss or tragic about it.  Life and love flows through different avenues and streets.  Sometimes I encounter traffic jams and have to choose detours and roundabouts.  Often I opt for the road less travelled even though it is more difficult.

IMG_6822I admire and appreciate what my mother and all mothers do to raise their children to be authentic beings.  They are mothers every day.  I do my best to show my mother my appreciation every day.

Though I never saw the husband along with the white picket fence and motherhood, somehow there is a man on the premise. We have a white fence to keep our fur baby out of the garden patch.



About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
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6 Responses to ON NOT BEING A MOTHER

  1. Happy Mother’s Day Lily! Sheba counts just as much as human babies. Look to the bright side, no college tution to pay.

  2. Lux Ganzon says:

    Aw. Happy Mother’s Day, dear. 🙂

  3. John Coleman says:

    I appreciate your words, Lily, and think you speak for a lot of women. Peace, John

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