adapting

HOPE ETERNAL

My days seem so busy now with the greenhouse, seedlings and plantings in the raised beds. It’s difficult to make a regular showing here. It’s best if I do make a concerted effort though. Showing up helps me to prioritize and organize to make best use of my time. It also helps my brain function. So here I am, making an effort and doing the best I can.

It was a cold morning with snow flurries. It continues to be cold with lots of wind but at least the sun made a showing in the afternoon. The greenhouse is toasty warm. All the plants are inhaling and exhaling in ecstasy. I will find a space here to pot up the seedlings when it is cold out. I’m tired of hauling my potting supplies back and forth between the basement and the deck. Yup, the weather is crazily erratic. We can have 3 seasons within a couple of days. I am adapting quickly though.

Only a week and a day till April 30th and Tax Return due date. I shall not worry and fret about it. I will pick a good restful day before then and do it. It’s only worth one day’s worry and work. Then it is done. I will pay my due, feel the hurt and get over with a tap – SENT.

It’s another colder morning. It went down to -12℃ overnight. I’m glad we have the electric heater on a thermostat in the greenhouse. It’s set on low to kick in at 2 or 3℃. Otherwise, everything would be toast. I hope my raised beds are ok. At 8:38 am, it is now -3℃ outside. I’m hopeful. They are under layers. I will check maybe at noon. It will be 2℃ then. Well, our last frost date is June 1-10 according to Vesey’s and May 15 according to the Farmer’s Almanac. It also says that -4.4℃ and colder is considered severe frost with heavy damage to most garden plants. I did add an extra fleece cover over the celery, daikon and brokali last night. Fingers and toes crossed. Hope eternal.

TIME AND ENERGY

It is 1:18 pm. Sheba and I are having a mini session of sitting, get down and staying. It’s what we do in the afternoon. Obedience training for her, patience training for me. She is momentarily distracted by the guy leaving for his workshop. There is some excited barks and prancing around. We refocus. Now she’s on her bed licking per paws . A quiet interlude. We will go to the park for her reward later.

It’s a beautiful sunny and warm day. A lot of the snow have melted. I should be jubilant. Instead, I am in an undetermined mood -somewhat despondent, somewhat mellow yellow. No, I’m not under the influence of drugs. Maybe languid is a better word. Energized is not my frequent state. It is no wonder that nothing seems to matter to me. To care takes a lot of energy, energy that I don’t have.

But in order to live and thrive in this world, one has to give a shit somehow. I know what happens when you don’t. You fall through the ‘cracks’. I imagine they are the same cracks that lets the light in in Leonard Cohen’s song, Anthem. All the same, I rather stay out of them. I’m experimenting on how to manage the energy that I do have.

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I took time and Sheba out in the middle of this post. We went to the dog park and had us some time. Some days you just have to make that effort. Some days are made for sniffing snow and to look up at the blue of the sky. Sheba found a few furry bums to sniff, too. All the better. She did get into a scrap or two but it was all good. No blood was shed. We came home tired and hungry but also refreshed. So it was double the pleasure to sit with my tea, toast and jam while Sheba devoured her kibbles.

Now it is evening. I’m sitting with my wine, trying to tap the end to my mumblings. Perhaps the wine isn’t helping my thinking or writing. What I can say is morning is the best time for an energy burst. I indulge myself with reading in my tea time before breakfast. I’m still engrossed in Last Night in Twisted River. I love it. There’s lots on cooking in it since it is about a cook and his son. After breakfast I try to do the hard stuff – those chores of keeping house and lives in order. If I leave those for later, it doesn’t happen.

You must know by now that after lunch, my energy leaves town and me with it. Afternoon is the time I sit to tap even though I feel like napping. It’s working out. I’m succeeding and stretching for more. I’m learning to adapt my activities to my energy and time of day. It is a struggle but if I don’t struggle and stretch, I would end up being a puddle on the floor. I’m struggling now and will struggle to review and edit this – practicing to be patient.