Author Archives: hafong

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About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.

WORD MAGIC AND HABITS

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Once again I’m enticed by words, by how they can tease me into wakefulness and thoughts. I am better with them than without. In the language of gurus, words ground me. I’ve been a little lost and forgetful since I’ve lapsed my writing practice. I’ve found my way back, seeking the magic and comfort in the tapping of my keyboard.

I’m going to stay on course. My short term plan is to show up daily from now till the end of January. I’m pumped by James Clear’s Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. It’s a very easy and interesting read. One valuable thing he said was that it’s not goal setting that’s the ticket. It’s the system we use to get to the goal. It makes sense. It should be easy to test it.

I already have a goal of writing every day till the end of January. In order to succeed, I have to show up at my keyboard every day and write. The best times for me would be in the morning or early afternoon. By late afternoon, I am drained physically and mentally. I shall not be too ambitious and aim for the stars. I shall have coffee chats to start off with. Who know where chats can go, eh?

SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS

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So this is Christmas. John Lennon is singing in my head. And what have you done? Another year older. A new one’s just begun. So this is Christmas. I hope you had fun.

So this is Christmas. It is yet to come in 6 days. I can’t say that I’ve always had fun. I’m singing that old song again – feeling pretentious, guilty, left out. I think it’s time I let go of these feelings. I’ve given some time on rethinking Christmas and what it’s true meaning. Here’s what one internet site says: Because Christmas is about the birth of God’s Son – Jesus. It is about how he came to give us love, hope and joy. That message doesn’t change from year to year. It seems like a very good message.

And so this is Christmas. I’m another year older. What have I done? I’m thinking in terms of giving love, hope and joy. I’m counting and adding in my head. It’s not so much but it’s not too little. I feel that whatever I can muster up is enough. I can always add a little more when I can.

So this is Christmas. I’ve had some fun, and a bit of hope. I feel joy I am making an effort. And I feel love all around.

ONE OF THOSE NIGHTS

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I’m having one of those nights when my restless spirit won’t let me sleep. I hate it for stirring me up with useless circular thoughts going round and round and I can’t stop this train. What happened to the brakes? Aren’t I in control?

I wrestled quietly in bed. Can’t decide whether I should stay or get up. Which is better. My indeciveness is making me more agitated. I get mad. I get up. I cannot contain myself. So now I am tapping to calm myself. Maybe I can tap myself to sleep. I would like to have a cup of tea but that would keep me up going to the bathroom all night. I miss my youth when that thought would not even enter my head. And I would drink tea all night long.

Do you have such nights? And what would you do? I don’t mean to complain. I don’t have these nights very often. I get irritated when I do. I like to get up early in the morning. That’s the best part of my day. And when I can’t sleep, I won’t be bright eyed and bushy tail. I have an exercise class at 7 am. Surely my tail will sag. Maybe I should hit the sack again and will myself to sleep.

LEARNING TO LIGHT A FIRE

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November is an incredibly hard month, made harder by the lack of snow to lighten the grey. We are now one week and 2 days away from December. The grass is still green. And so is the Egyptian walking onion though it is looking a little limp. My two mandevillas are still alive on the deck. It could be their last day though. The temperature is dipping tomorrow. I don’t think it’s possible for it to come up again. Or could it? Can you imagine a winter in Saskatchewan without snow?

November is an incredibly hard month. Daylight didn’t come till 9 this morning. It’s not a good month to do a makeover, set new goals, or lose weight. It’s hard even to write a few words. There’s no hope in me setting the world on fire. I’m as sleepy as can be. I could snack and drink tea all day long. But I must get a handle on this. I must grow a back bone, have a little self control and learn how to start a fire.

I’ve managed to set down Mathew Perry’s book, Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing and hoist myself off the loveseat. It’s a good read and I am surprised to read all the bad reviews on Goodreads. It’s very illuminating into the world of addiction. It’s of interest, too that he grew up in Canada, his mother the press secretary to Pierre Trudeau and his stepfather is Keith Morrison, an ex CBC reporter. Morrison was a friend of my neighbour 2 houses down from me way back in the days. He would visit from time to time. I could tell when by his fancy sports car parked in the street.

Yes, November is an incredibly hard month. It’s dark already at 5:15. I must turn the light on. I haven’t got the fire going yet but there’s a bit of spark in me.

LIFE AS A PROJECT

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Lately I’ve been in a bland blue funk, a lover of words and pictures, adrift and lost in a sea of no interest. Nothing stirs me. I’m plodding through my days by rote. It’s a good thing that I’ve had many interests and hobbies in the past. I can still rely on them as pastimes even though they are no longer as pleasurable. It’s not a good or sustainable way to live. Dissatisfaction has driven me to take on life as my next project.

It’s a pretty broad subject. The question now is where to begin. It’s stirring up a bit of interest/curiosity. I’m not quite as bland and morose but I am sick of it all – the whole nine yards of what I’ve been/was. I think I had to come to this to make any meaningful changes. I’m casting my mind’s eye back to the distant past, to as far back as I can. I’m just gathering memories now. I guess I can call them data and go from there. In the meantime, I am cleaning and clearing up my physical space. Hopefully this outer cleansing and cleaning will help do that for my insides.

It is a slow and painful process. I have lived amidst loads and loads of useless and outdated physical and emotional stuff. It will not be easy to let them go. It will be a tug of war. But it does promise to be interesting. At last I am yanked out of my malaise.

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COME NOVEMBER

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November 1, a brand new day and month. For once I am without a project/challenge. It’s a little unsettling. I’m a ship without a captain. I’m a captain without a compass. What to do and where to go? Must I have a purpose and a sense of direction every single day of my life? And so I drifted aimlessly today, binge watching episodes of Yellowstone. It’s full of violence and exudes of sex. It’s not a feel good and certainly not good for my soul. Still, I’m watching. It’s engaging and fills the void.

Perhaps my project for this period in time would be a pursuit of something that feels good and that feeds my soul. It will be a challenge alright because my mind is at lose ends. Nothing excites or engages me. It is hard to think that not long ago, I was excited about waking up to a new day at bedtime. I couldn’t wait to step outside to breathe the morning air and see the sunrise. I would take a tour of the yard and the greenhouse before breakfast.

Where did my joie d’vivre go and how can I get it back? Perhaps I shouldn’t give in to my despondency and malaise so easily. Words and pictures have always been my best tools. November is NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) . I don’t have to write a novel. I can just write. Maybe I can write myself out of my funky mood. I can be my own therapist. I can draw my moods. I have always wanted to explore mood boards. Here’s an opportunity to solve a problem creatively. I can do it.

GIVING IT UP

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It’s been difficult to live up to the commitment of writing a post every day this month for the Ultimate Blog Challenge. This is my official announcement of giving it up and letting myself off the hook. Most days I do have the time, but not the energy or the inclination. It is better that I honour my body and spirit. Without them, I wouldn’t get far.

More snow came yesterday. Winter has come early this year. I don’t think it’s going away any time soon. So I am giving up on the greenhouse, too. No use wasting solar energy to run the little heater for night time lows. Now with mostly clouds and no sun to heat up the rock wall, the temperature is low most of the time. I will be harvesting everything in the next day or two.

It is wiser to give up those things that no longer works than to keep on doggedly, depleting my energy and spirit. I will make no further commitments other than to begin anew each day.

A SLUMP

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I am afraid I’ve fallen into a slump again. I’m trying to climb out but it ain’t easy. I am devoid of ambition. Nothing is calling my name. I’ve managed to do 2 drawings for the Inktober Challenge to stay on top of things. The Ultimate Blog Challenge is not so easy. Besides no ambition, I have no ideas. I’m sleepy as can be. I want to close my eyes and have a nap. But that won’t get this post written.

I can blame this on the weather. Our first snow came 2 days ago. I’m waking up in darkness and low minus temperatures. I’m sure the change in barometric pressure is causing me some grief. I’m so stiff these mornings. I feel like a block of wood unable to bend and make my way around corners. I’m forced to do my stretches and exercises whether I’m in the mood or not.

At least the sun is shining on us today. Though it is -2℃ out this afternoon, the greenhouse is almost 15℃. The tomatoes, bitter melons and peppers are still going strong. I’m thinking we can keep it going till mid November. Here’s hoping. I’ll try to hang on, too, post by post, day by day.

WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY

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It’s a cool cloudy October 23 at -3℃ at 10 pm. This is rather late to be writing a post for the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It is how it is and I am again at a loss as to what to write. My cold is much better so I am a happier camper. My head is not thick and hollow at the same time. I’m seeing the world through different eyes now. Life is not as heavy. I can breathe a little easier. And that makes me happy.

What makes me happy seems like a good topic. The house is quiet and peaceful. I’m at the keyboard with my thoughts and words. I’m happy at the task. Things are not exactly flowing but they are trickling out. I’m surrounded by some of my artwork. I brought them out in my search for what brings me joy. They show the happiness within me much better than words. Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words. Other times words paint a picture in my mind’s eye.

MUCH TALK ABOUT NOTHING

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Another morning, another day. Soup is in the making in the Instant Pot. There’s a load of laundry waiting downstairs to be hung. I’ve messed around with this new theme for my blog site with a few results. Technology can be wonderful but can be a great waste of time. My cough is better but still present. Energy comes and goes but at least the sun is shining on me. It is a cool 7℃ outside. The sunroom and greenhouse is toasty. I am sure my bitter melons are still happy.

I am not sure what to write for this 22nd day of October and the Ultimate Blog Challenge. My head is rather empty and hollow. I wish I had a business to promote. It’s a silly thing to wish for since I am not at all bent that way. I am the same politically. As for religion, I’ve lost my interest if not my faith. There was a time when I felt Jesus’ loving arms though I was not religious nor searching. Isn’t life strange?

I suppose I’ve come to a new crossroad. Now which way do we go, Billy? I hearing that song from the jukebox in my head now. 1969 seems like a great year from here. I was a star stuck teenager. I wrote to Terry Jacks of the Poppy Family and I got a reply! I don’t know which way I’m going from here. I’ll just rest awhile before making a decision.