WHAT’S FUN, WHAT’S NOT

Posted on November 17, 2021 by hafong

It’s Day 17 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’m here to talk about having fun. I’m not sure what kind of conversation we will have. I’m a serious type and not into fun at all, at least not the type most people think of. On top of that, I’m as cranky as can be at the moment. But if we were to have ‘coffee’ together, it would help. That’s the kind of fun I like to have. I’m not into gregarinous, belly laughing, cheer leading type of fun. I don’t like participating in team sports. I hate pickle ball. I could go for bowling but not the competitive team kind of thing. See, I’m no fun at all.

I enjoy solitary pursuits, competing only with myself. What do I mean? Well, I took up swimming at a late age. It was on a list of things I want to do along with riding a bike. I have no natural skills for either. I took Red Cross swimming lessons as a very matured adult. It took me a whole summer to learn to float. I have mastered it, then the front crawl, then swimming one pool length along the edge so that I can grab on at any moment. Now I can swim 20 lengths in an hour. Learning a skill is ‘fun’ to me. Mastering the bicycle was no easy task either. I’m still not at home in the saddle but I’ve ridden up and down some steep streets in Lake Havasu the year we spent a winter month in Arizona. I huffed and puffed on the way up and screamed all the way down. I was proud of myself none the less. I would ride more if there was less traffic. Traffic in my hood is no fun.

I’m feeling more mellow now. The coffee and tapping are helping. Writing agrees with me. It is fun. I love putting words and pictures together. I don’t know which comes first. Maybe both at once. They’re competing with each other. It works for me. Obviously I love having ‘coffee’ and this time together. And I dislike everything about Covid, especially not being together physically for our coffee. I miss my Saturday morning swims and breakfast at A&W afterwards. Everything changes. The good times will come again.

SNOW FALLING ON CEDARS

Posted on November 16, 2021 by hafong

Day 16 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. The sky is grey and snow is coming down. I’ve forgotten how grey and dreary November can be. The snow is welcome. It will brighten up the landscape. I am remembering another scene – of snow falling on the cedars. They were really spruce trees but they’re close enough. The phrase had caught and stuck in my head after seeing the movie. The cedars/spruce are gone. I’m missing them today. It’s nostalgia for those trees and what has past.

The trees are gone and Sheba also. I’m remembering and missing her today. She loved nosing and messing around and under the spruce trees winter or summer. She didn’t mind the snow or cold. We were out almost every day in all kinds of weather. We were as regular and dependable as the mailman.

The snow is still falling but not on the cedars. It is a good day for tapping out the memories. It is a good day for eating spicy pumpkin chili, drinking hot chocolate and curling up with a good book. Maybe later I can coax myself downstairs and finish shortening my new snow pants. Maybe tomorrow will be a good day for cross-country skiing.

ON ADVERSITY

Posted on November 15, 2021 by hafong

It’s day 15th, the half way mark, of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It feels like forever. I’m counting again. Today we are talking about adversity. It’s a topic that I’m sure all of us are familiar with. It’s the running mate of stress. We encounter it as soon as we step out the door. It is defined as:

“Adversity is a state of hardship, difficulty, or misfortune that one deals with in life. There are six types of adversity that one can face, and facing adversities in life can break or make a person. It may lead one person to improve their life by finding ways around their challenges, or it may lead another person to turn to drugs or alcohol to lessen the psychological toll that their hardships cause.”

The 6 types are physical, mental, emotional, social, spiritual and financial. I’m sure I’ve gone through the whole lot. I would like to think adversity made me instead of broken me. Breaking may be the first step in mending and healing. And who is to say we aren’t the stronger for it. I met physical adversity very young, at age 2. I suffered severe burn to my left arm up to the elbow. It took a long time to heal ending in a huge scar. I remember my memory of the incident and bicycle trips to the doctor. But I do not have memory of the physical pain. I have full function of my arm but suffered body image pain in my adolescence. I wore long sleeves even in the heat of summer. I got over it when I went into nursing.

I guess I can lump the mental, emotional and social aspects into one. I can see how all those things developed. I never ‘saw’ my father till I was 6. And I was a stranger in a strange land at age 8, having immigrated to Canada. There were only 2 other Chinese families in our town. Then my parents moved to NYC and I decided to stay and start university in Saskatoon. I felt a deep loneliness even though I had 3 roommates, 2 from my hometown. I don’t think adversities are all ‘bad’. It is just how life developed and was. They added textures to my life. They are giving me something to talk about for this post.

I did suffered depression in adulthood and sought medical and psychological help. Who haven’t? Life is f**ing hard. Nursing is a hard profession. We do eat our young. Women do not always make good managers then. At least not some I’ve encountered. They did not help nor have compassion. Rather they slice you open and cut you off at the knees. I’m only speaking of my own personal experience. I’m none the worse for wear though. I stayed in it for over 30 years. I know I loved my work. I would not have stayed otherwise, not for any amount of money.

Have I told you before that I almost flunked out of nursing training? Well, I almost did. I was going through a bad marriage, worried about money, had a part time job and was not cutting it on my clinical. I can’t remember what I had done wrong but on an evening shift my instructor told me I was flunking. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I told her I quit. I had to stay behind after the shift. We had a long talk. She had to give me a ride home that evening because my ride was long gone. She told me I still have time to pull up my socks but I had to quit my part time job. The school would help me get a loan. I pulled up my socks and graduated.

I’m proud to say that I don’t lack in spirituality. I’m tenacious. I’ve always had the faith in myself and the world. Adversity have fortified rather than broken me.

NOTHING VENTURED, NOTHING GAINED

Posted on November 14, 2021 by hafong

It is day 14 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’m living up to my slogan of getting up, dressing up and showing up. I have no business to promote or products to sell. I’ve had my dreams of being an entrepreneur, have you? Let me tell you about them. You’ve heard the one about being a writer. I guess I am one since I’m here tapping out the words. It hasn’t earned any pennies except the ones in my heart. Way back in time, I did invest quite a few pennies trying to sell Mary Kay products. Someone threw me a hook and I bit. I learned the hard and expensive way that I’m not a salesman and I hate selling. I also learned that I’m easily inspired and I’m a good catch. I lost $1500 in the venture.

I did gained in experience and knowledge about people and myself. I was valuable when I was being wooed into buying into the scheme. I had potential. A nurse had a good salary and lots of contacts. I can still see and hear the possibilities clicking in my area manager’s head – a second pink cadillac. But once in, the wooing abruptly stopped. They had little time to help me in establishing my business. They weren’t all like that. Another ‘consultant’ tried to take me under her wings. She was already a success as a Mary Kay consultant and fashion buyer for one of the department stores. Her husband had a small business in town. They were very generous in their help. I gave it a good try. I even took a Dale Carnegie Course to boost my confidence. But when selling tastes like taking medicine, I cut my losses and quit.

I could have tried returning the products but I didn’t. I should have only invested in $750 of inventory but the manager said you have to have the merchandise if you want to sell. That is true but not that much when I knew nothing about the business of selling. I ended up giving away what I could. I found out the people willing to accept them free had been reluctant in hosting parties to help me sell. I had a lot left – makeup for blondes, brunettes and black heads. They were a sore sight reminding me of my huge failure, I chuck them in the dumpster after quite a few years. I am a tenacious hanger on.

You think I would have learned my lesson. But I did tried another venture. It didn’t cost me much except in disappointment. I tried to have a plant sale. My bedding plants were beautiful, healthy and CHEAP. It was not that I failed miserably but that I was not supported. Only a few people came but not the ones who called me for their sales. Not the woman who had offered her husband to pick me up for her jewelry party. I had also spent $200 buying essential oils from her. The friends who valued my plants and friendship came and bought. They’re the ones that mattered. Now I only feel disappointed in my head but not my heart. I feel somewhat petty talking about it and that it still resides in me.

THE TELLING OF A STORY

Posted on November 13, 2021 by hafong

It’s November 13th, day 13 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It’s 3:13 in the afternoon. Not prime time for me to talk about inspiration or to get inspired. I am a little weary after making, consuming and doing lunch dishes. To top that off, I received a phone call from a neighbour. She was inquiring the name of my neighbour right next to me. She was going to file harassment charges against her. It brought back alot of bad memories and feelings. But at least I feel somewhat exonerated – that it was not I who was behaving badly. I’m not the only one who had trouble with her.

I am feeling better now that I’ve let that breath out. Words are powerful. They’ve always helped and inspired me. I’ve written many posts on my relationship with this woman. I am happy to have curtailed the need. I can sing a different song now. Perhaps we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves when we hang onto things/people/issues for seemingly too long. Perhaps it wasn’t the right time yet. Perhaps there’s a lesson we have to learn first. That is what I tell myself. There’s comfort in that.

Words and stories inspire me. My mother excels in story telling and is great inspiration to me. She doesn’t set out to tell a story but the stories come out just in our every day conversations. Here’s my words on her in a post from 2018:

If there’s anybody that I aspire to be, it would be my mother. She gives me inspiration on how to be, how to live. She teaches me through her story telling. That’s how I’ve learned everything Chinese, the culture, my ancestors, my very being. Don’t get me wrong. I find faults with her, too. Our mother/daughter relationship has had many difficulties like all such relationships. I’ve had my share of ‘I hate my mother’. Growing and maturing has enabled me to understand my mother and see from her point of view. Sometimes, especially in recent times, I feel as if I am my mother.

Words and pictures speak to me. I see pictures in words and I see stories in pictures. They give me inspiration to tell my stories with ink, paint and thread.

My energy tank is running low. Let me finish by acknowledging that the Ultimate Blog Challenge and Paul Taubman, our digital maestro, also give me inspiration and a platform to tell my stories.

THE MUSIC IN MY HEAD

Posted on November 12, 2021 by hafong

It’s day 12 of the November Ultimate Blog Challenge. 12 days is actually a very short time but when you are counting, it feels like forever. I’m still up for the game. There’s only 18 days left. How hard can that be? When you’re having fun, time and words flow. If you’ve visited me before, you would know I have a regular jukebox in my head. It hasn’t played for quite awhile until today. When ~~life~~I get too fast, the music stops. I’ve been slowing down this month, taking more time to languish and enjoy the coffee. My jukebox started up again today.

This morning Don McLean is singing in my head.

So, bye-bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry
And them good ol’ boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, “This’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die”

I have no control over what plays. It’s not like there’s a slot I can plug my quarter into. But whatever plays have been quite helpful and inspiring for my index card art.

I hope the music never dies.

NOVEMBER 11TH – REMEMBRANCE

Posted on November 11, 2021 by hafong

A very good morning to you on this snowy and 11th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I am feeling pretty ‘up’ today. I think the brightness of the snow has something to do with it. Our neighbours must be feeling it, too. We encountered some cheery smiling snow shovellers on our walk in the hood. Of course, there has to be an exception to the crowd. We past a fellow walker who was not only scowling but would not acknowledge our good morning greeting. He looked cold. Maybe he didn’t have his long johns on.

I’ve been focusing on writing these days that I forgot today is Remembrance Day. I had to stop and reflect on it a bit. It brings to mind one of my first Remembrance Day in Canada. The service was held in the Maidstone Theatre. I was chosen to lay down the wreath. If I close my eyes, I can still how it was -walking up slowly and solemnly in my Brownie uniform. I must have gotten igood nstructions from our leader, Brown Owl. And so today, I take a moment, close my eyes and lay the wreath down again in my mind’s eye and bow my head in reverence and remembrance of those brave soldiers.

My uncle, my mother’s elder brother was one of those brave soldiers. He was in the US Air Force. He was a radio operator and was in Africa, the Balkans, Italy and the Rhineland. He did make it home and I got to see him a few times in NYC before he passed away in 2002. He was 79. I hadn’t seen him or my other uncles often but my mother spoke often about her family and how they grew up. I felt as if they’ve always been in my life. I remember one visit to NYC my uncle picking up and holding my hand while in conversation. It was so natural a gesture and so endearing. I was enraptured by the moment. We, Chinese are not a touchy lot. At least I am not. But whenever someone holds my hand in conversation, I a deeply touched. There’s but a few. It’s alot to me. I’m grateful.

IF I TELL IT

Posted on November 10, 2021 by hafong

November the 10th and day 10 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. No snow but it must have rained overnight. The ground is wet and the sky is grey. It would be a good day for California dreaming. Winter is on the way. What story can I tell today. I’m hoping like the farmer in Field of Dreams, that if I tell it people will read it.

I had dreams of writing even in grade school. I have memories of huddling with a couple of friends at recess to start a story. I bet we gave our teachers a smile and maybe a chuckle or two. Nothing much came out of these gab sessions. How productive or creative can kids get in 15-20 minutes? I know that it’s ample enough time for them to get into trouble. But I was never that kind of a child. I was rather boring. I never got into trouble. I got ran over by a boy on a bike once. I was in my Brownie uniform going to a meeting. My face got smashed into the dirt. I got a lip full of gravel. Still, I worried about getting into trouble.

In grade 8 the principal overheard me talking with another student about not having to study. We were walking back into the school from recess. We were still on our own time. He came to my class and called me out to talk. The other kids in the class thought he was going to praise me or something. They thought I was his pet. Instead he gave me supreme shit. Something like ‘Don’t you dare be a bad influence. Now get back inside!’ I was crushed and shocked for I was sort of his pet. It was rather harsh.

Looking back now, I think maybe it was around the time his wife was sick. She had cancer and died but I don’t know the time frame. But I was still a tender child. I must have gotten over it because I babysat his young daughter on evenings when he had meetings. Then he taught me how to dance for my grade 12 graduation. He was always proper with me. After high school when I was in Saskatoon going to university, he called our house. I answered the phone. I thought he would want to talk to my father eventually but no. He invited me out for supper.

We went to the Marigold on Third Avenue. They had a delicous barbecue chicken. He asked me if I wanted a drink. I ordered a margarita. I don’t know what we talked about. I do remember he told me I should be careful about drinking when I am out with a man. I already thought it a bit improper that he asked me out. But he was my teacher and principal from Maidstone. His advice gave me great pause. But we were in public and nothing improper happened. I am the original Miss Innocent but I have good instincts. I have heard stories that he like young blond girls. Well! I am not blond at all but I was young and supple.

SOME FRIENDS ARE LIKE THAT

Posted on November 9, 2021 by hafong

We’re having another beautiful day for this 9th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It’s almost noon and I’m reluctant to leave my sunny writing space. Lunch doesn’t cook itself so I will finish my cuppa and tap a few words and rise to the occasion. These golden moments go so fast. I mustn’t rush. I will savour them while they are here. They will come again. I tried to push out my words after my meditation this morning. They wouldn’t come. It wasn’t their time. They couldn’t be forced. I had to be patient and wait till they are ready.

So if we were having coffee today, what would we talk about? If we were simpatico, I am sure our words would flow like water. We would not need wine to loosen our tongues. Some friends are like that. We are sisters from different mothers. Our friendships spanned decades, remaining steady through the seasons of our lives. It’s wonderful. It’s marvelous. I couldn’t have asked for more. Everything is copacetic.

It is after 4 pm already. The sun is gone. The light is steely grey. Snow is coming. I better shorten my new snow pants. We might have to do some shovelling tomorrow. My words are few today but a photo is worth a thousand words.

MORNINGS ARE THE BEST

Posted on November 8, 2021 by hafong

Good morning to you on another beautiful sunny day in November. It is almost noon. The soup is cooking in the Instant Pot. We’ve just come back from our walk and a little shopping at the Chinese grocery store – Market of Asia. Right across from MOA is another Chinese grocer, Great Asian Market (GAM). These are just 2 of the many Asian options for us. What a change since my first days in Canada! Back in those days my parents had to order Chinese supplies from Vancouver. It’s great that we live in the middle of everything, within walking distance. It gives us a destination and a purpose now that we don’t have Sheba to walk with us.

Mornings are my best times for everything. For not being a morning person most of my life, I can’t wait to get out of bed nowadays. Most mornings you will find me up between 6 and 7. I like those early hours. They are so peaceful. I would sit for 20 minutes in meditation with a cuppa tea listening to Mark Williams online. YouTube is a wonderful learning and inspiration center. I’m grateful to the generous people who so willingly share their videos. They give me such a boost to start the day. After my meditation I watch a little video on gardening, regenerative soil managing, permaculture or alternative living. Lately I’ve been entralled with tiny houses and sustainable living. I saw this tiny house video the other morning. It is about the size of my sunroom.

When I was much younger, way back, it seems like I could not have enough space. My sunroom was an add-on and so was the deck. I’m thinking and feeling different these days. I’m thinking it would be an adventure to live tiny. It is rather ironic don’t you think? My start in Canada was tiny. We lived above the cafe in 2 adjoining bedrooms. The other rooms were occupied by my dad’s cousin(business partner), his wife and nephew. I can’t remember how long we lived upstairs until grumblings started about too many of us. So we moved when my mother was pregnant with my brother.

We rented a tiny house behind the cafe. It had 2 rooms, a kitchen a and bedroom. The outhouse and coal bin were just out the back door. The linoleum on the kitchen floor was peeling. In the kitchen there was a potbelly stove and a table by the window facing the street. There was room for a hide-a-bed couch for me and a fridge in the corner. My father hammered together a not so perfect chest of drawers. He still slept in the cafe, having to get up early to open for the day. The cafe closed only on Sundays.

I feel like I am still telling old stories but in telling, I see the irony of where my heart desires are today. I desire not hardship, but challenges and reasons to be. I desire the less of things and more of quality life, of caring of the people in and outside of our life and caring of our planet.

Mornings are my best times. It is when I am more clear minded and have more energy and focus. It is late evening now and I am rambling. It would have been better if I could have finished my words in the morning. But I didn’t. So ends this 8th day for the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

Monthly Archives: November 2021