Tag Archives: writer’s block

STRUGGLING

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Starting anything is such a difficult thing, whether it is writing a post or creating a blog. I’ve been at it for awhile now, starting in 2005 when the Internet was quite new to me. I was introduced to the concept of ‘blog’ by my friend Tom. I struggled and struggled before Lilypad was born. It was little photo stories of my family and heritage. Then I added a few more photo blogs to the site on Blogger. I found Blogger difficult to manoeuver and switched to WordPress in 2012.

So here I am in this space, in the late afternoon, tapping away on the keyboard. I hope I can get into the mood of the words. Though my goal at the beginning was for a thousand words daily, I haven’t achieved it even once. That is not to say, I won’t ever, but it is unlikely. Sometimes we have to modify our goals. I would do well to work for Hallmark Cards. I’m good at index card paintings and writing snippets. But today I am not quite so good at that either.

I’ve had many such days but I still try to show up. I tap on a key. A letter shows up, then a word and somehow a sentence march across my screen. I build a post by one painful sentence at a time. They add up to one paragraph after another. Sometimes a blockade is broken open by an inspiration. Sometimes I struggle to the end. I am struggling today. I am surprised. It is only day 3 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

There is no point in fighting and grappling for words when there is none. Some days are like that. It is time to close shop as they say.

JUST START

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It’s friggin’ hard!

Beginnings are hard. How many times have I said that already? A zillion and yet I have found no easy solution. I just have to make a mark somewhere; say something, anything; make a decision one way or another; etc. etc. So often, too often, I’m frozen with indecision, speechless with no words, immobilized with inaction. Sometimes this is worse than doing and saying the wrong things. This is what I’m trying to push through today.

It is very disconcerting. I’m squirming with the discomfort but I’m learning to sit with it, however long it will take. I’m too addicted to the idea of speed, that it shouldn’t take time and effort to do anything. I’ve bought into the idea I can tap, search, enter, and presto! The thing is done. I’ve been short circuiting my brain and short changing myself the experience of doing, following through and completing. No wonder I’m absent minded and forgetful. I have no grooves to store anything. I flit from thing to thing, one idea to another in nana seconds. I do not allow feelings to sink in.

It’s been a few days since I wrote the above. I’m having a writer’s block. It could be I’m just lazy. I’m having a tough go finding meaningful ideas and words. In this moment I am hot and overcome with malaise. But I can still tap with my fingers. How strange that I could feel cold upon waking at 6 this morning. I don’t know what the temperature was then. By 10 am it was already 21 degrees Celsius. Now it is 28 Celsius. I’m feeling all the distress of daily fluctuating temperatures.

So what can I do to alleviate my distress? Coming back to this space helps. The rhythm of tapping on the keyboard is soothing. I’m flexing my small muscles. Asking the question starts me thinking about solutions. It lessens the feeling of being trapped and helpless. I’m quieting my mind and body, taking some deep slow breaths. Recently I came upon Dr. Weil’s 4-7-8 breathing technique where you breathe in to the count of 4, hold for count of 7 and breathe out to the count of 8 for 4 breath cycles. I’ve been doing this twice a day for a few days. I hope to keep it up for a month at least. It takes very little time and the benefits are huge.

 

I’VE COME UNSTUCK

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Today I’m none the worse after wrestling with restlessness and wordlessness for a few days.  Oh, what a mouthful!  I’m trying to make up for lost time.  I mustn’t be too gleeful. I could be sent back into my silence in a nano second. You know how these things can happen.

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image courtesy of Google search

Being lost and wordless in my desert is not a bad thing. I feel like Charlie Chaplin in a silent movie. I’m toddering around, swinging my cane, trying to tap my way out of the black and white landscape. How is it that I am trapped here? Help! Let me out.

I wonder if this was how Robin Williams felt. But somehow I don’t think he was ever trapped.  I do not feel he is dead. His laughter and energy are surrounding and healing us – as always.  Can you feel him? He is beaming his comic smile down from Ork. He has found his way home. He has lived a full life here. Can we say that about ourselves?

IMG_1302It’s good to kick up my heels, swing my cane and tap out a few words. It’s warming to come in from the black and white. The colours are that much more alive and vibrant. They jump at me and wakes up the senses. They fill me up. Would I have appreciate them so much otherwise?

 

 

wineBring out the banners. Bring out the trumpets. Bring out the wine. Let us blow our horns and celebrate life and all its phases faces. They are worthwhile, whether sad or glad. There’s good that comes from each. To Life!

 

 

 

 

 

healing

 

COME SEPTEMBER

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healingSeptember is here.  I have signed up for the NaBloPoMo again, only to find my words have disappeared.  I am restless, fussing turning and bothering people in general.  I am distressed and lost in my desert without an idea or words.  How am I going to write about healing?  It is such a good theme.  What a time to get the stutters!

 

IMG_1282I fret, pace, wring my hands.  I sigh, huff and puff to no avail. I take to the garden, wandering here, there – pulling weeds and looking at the summer’s effort.  You can certainly say the tomato beds have ran away on me.  The plants are toppling over and strangling each other with the weight of the fruits and foliage.  More is not always better. Live and learn.  There’s always next year.

It is now getting late in the evening.  I am not any less fretful.  The words are not coming any easier.  They do not fall from my fingertips like water from a leaky tap.  Music jangles my nerves.  Talk does not help. Perhaps a cup of tea.

Do you have days/nights like this?  Experience has taught me not to fuss too much, as if I can help that.  It’s best to stay put and ride out the waves. Don’t go on a serious shopping trip.  Don’t get your hair cut. Don’t bother calling anyone.  Usually they are not home. Even if they are, the conversation leaves you feeling worse than before. I try to stay off the bicycle, too. I have fear of falling.

IMG_1267My cup of Chai is working its magic. I feel a slight ease in my chest. My fingers are losing their stutter across the keyboard. Breathe! I tell myself. Relax those shoulders. Unfurl the eyebrows. Move those fingers across the keyboard. Forget about profundity. Just get the words out. Do not worry about grammar and tenses. The night is not young. You can do better tomorrow. You have done your best today. It is enough.