These days, I am hard pressed to feel the joie de vivre. The world/life feels rather flat. However, the jukebox in my head is still playing happy tunes. It helps that it’s sunny even though it is a cool morning. I’m having a second cup of tea and tapping a few words. They no longer come easily or bring the pleasure they once did. I’m having to work at it. They do bring some satisfaction as I see them slowly marching across the screen.

Meanwhile, in between ideas, words and paragraphs, bread is in the making. I’m in the process of the first rising. When I look at it, making bread is much like building a post. It can be complicated and daunting till you get familiar and make a regular habit of it. Then everything becomes second nature, intuitive and the thing builds itself. It becomes a comforting process, ironing out the wrinkles and stress of everyday life.

Now, the water, yeast and flour have become dough. It is poofing in the oven for an hour or until I’m ready to punch it down and shape them into the loaf pans. There is no hurry. Meanwhile, I’m having another cuppa and process some thoughts and words that came whilst kneading dough. They are elusive and fleeting. If I don’t tap them down, they will be lost. They are rather important insights which will help me have an easier and happier life.

It’s taken me this long, a lifetime, to fully understand the concept of not taking anything personal and letting go. It finally dawned on me this summer that when I’m hanging on to perceived hurts and wrong doings by others, I’m only hurting myself. Those ‘others’ don’t give a shit. They’ve moved on and having a merry old time with their lives. Meanwhile, I’m wasting time and energy embroiled in my own toxic emotions, solving nothing and harming myself. But until I had this moment of clarity, I could not let go.

The loaves are baking in the oven. I’m almost finished here. Wrapping up, I have to say I’m grateful for this space. It’s worth the struggle to put words onto the page. It keeps me somewhat sane and healthy. Now I see that the world is not flat. So I will struggle on.