Tag Archives: the work

Heart Month

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Photo by Lisa from Pexels on Pexels.com

February is heart month. I am letting that guide me through my days. Though Iife feels bland and senseless to me in these moments, I need not announce it or rain on someone else’s parade. This is the space to unload and work through those dark and messy things. What are feelings anyways? Are they real? What if I don’t have those feelings? How will I be? These are the questions that pop up from remembering The Work of Byron Katie.

I can be good at setting goals and intentions but not so great at carrying them out. It’s like people making New Year’s resolutions and dropping them by February. It’s difficult to follow through, day after day. It’s easy to lose heart. It is easy to fall into “I don’t care.” It is easy to throw up my hands and give up. I’ve done that numerous times. I’ve gotten back on track again many times. The thing I don’t do is make progress. I don’t pick up where I had left off. I always go back and start again at the beginning. It’s easier doing something you’ve done before.

How am I going to get out of that rut? How do I walk a different path so that I don’t fall back into the same hole? I’ve writtin many times about the same problem. I am writing about it again. How can I sing another song? I have the rest of February to wrestle with it. I am going to follow through.

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE CHAPTERS
I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost … I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I’m in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V
I walk down another street.
Portia Nelson

TOWARDS WINTER SOLSTICE

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December 15th. Winter solstice is just a week away. I had good intentions of being here regularly but I’ve only shown up twice. Bad on me! Intentions don’t mean beans when they’re not kept. But I am here now. My moods still can turn on a dime. The difference now is I know the exact instant they do. I pull out my tools and do an inquiry. I’ve read enough of Byron Katie’s The Work. I know to ask the 4 questions:

  • Is it true?
  • Can you absolutely know that it is true?
  • How do you react, what happens when you believe that thought?
  • Who would you be without that thought?

Then there’s Tara Brach’s RAIN. It stands for:

  • Recognize what is happening.
  • Allow the experience to be there, just as it is.
  • Investigate with interest and care.
  • Nurture with self-compassion.

Recognition of the moment gives me an opportunity to pause and to take note. I don’t have to react and behave in old patterns. I can choose how it is that I want to behave, therefore changing the way I feel. I tell myself that because this is new, I might not feel comfortable or good immediately or even soon. It will take time to gel. I tell myself it is a new adventure, a new skill like learning how to cross country ski, ride a bike, to swim, to make sourdough….

Going toward the shortest day of the year is a grand adventure this year. I’m thinking of the darkness as a warm nest wherein we can rest and sleep. Then we can emerge on the other side, rejuvenated and ready to face the lengthening days as we progress towards spring and all that it promises.

IN MY LIFE

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I’m in my apres- lunch malaise. It is after 3 pm. No time to tarry as they say. I’m in this space, tapping the keyboard, talking with my fingers, singing my songs. I hear Killing Me Softly with His Song in my head. I’ll try not to use killing words. I’m not about pain and despair. I hate suffering. I rather walk on the sunny side of the street. And you know what? I missed the solar eclipse today. I was in total sunshine. There was not not even a hint of a shadow. That’s new for me. Sometimes all I feel are clouds.

I’m trying to know myself in my life – to detach myself and really observe my place in the world and in my life. It is difficult to take out the personal feelings, all the me, myself and I, and look at myself as somebody else. Who am I? How am I? What are my values? How do I behave. How do I treat other people? Am I as honourable, fair, loving as I thought of myself? It’s a hard exercise to do. I think it’s well worth the effort. It would test my true grit.

Byron Katie’s The Work  has been a great resource for me. I ask myself these four questions about any given situation:

  1. Is it true?
  2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
  3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
  4. Who would you be without the thought?

Learning to be has been a very slow process. Life surely is a journey and not a destination. When you get there, you find that there is no there. What I can say is that I am becoming a more content person with less anger, turmoil and depression. I hesitate to use the word happy because what is happy? What I know for sure is I love learning and changing. I love pursuing excellence.

 

FILLUPS AND TURNAROUNDS – Day 66 and 67 in a year of….

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Day 66 and 67, September 27, 2016 @8:48 am

I’m attempting to do the great turnaround this morning – doing the ‘work’ of Byron Katie.  I’m asking questions, seeking their validity and seeing if there is another way of seeing.  I am not happy in this moment of seeing the world half empty.  It is the morning after the great debate of last night between Hiliary Clinton and Donald Trump.  The world I held my breath, waiting to hear how the Donald will speak.  I am sad to see a world where such a person can become a presidential candidate.

img_7781I’m coming to this space a little earlier, to change and shake off this feeling. The world hasn’t changed that much overnight.  It is the way I’m seeing/feeling.  One affects the other. One invokes different visions of the glass half full or empty. Can I do a switch around?  And which one is true?  I’m having a problem with truths.  I tend to be black and white, literal and no gives.  But I see the literal/absolute way brings me no happiness.  I’m swaying, changing like the autumn leaves.  I’m dropping/letting go the things that don’t serve me.  They’re dropping slowly like teardrops.  Afterall, change does hurt.  It’s not a shame to cry.

Have you cried today?  Is your world half empty or full?  I am going to fill up now.

INQUIRY – Day 17 in a year of……

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Day 17, August 8, 2016 @4:17

IMG_7017The rain is making me sleepy and all I want to do is nap, nap, nap.  Motivation is low. Routine and habit brought me back to this space.  I have to sit and sip my tea before words and ideas can form.  Maybe a snack will help, too.  When all else fails, snack!  I have to tell you my bean casserole turned out okay.  But oven time was over 1 1/2 hours instead of 25 minutes. Next time, if I’m using fresh beans from the garden, I will parboil them first.

I have been listening to Byron Katie the last two days. I am familiar with her work but I always come away with learning something new each time.  You always hear and see with new ears and eyes each time.  Never dismiss or roll your eyes when someone is repeating his/her story.  There’s always nuances, important ones that might change your life.

DWCN2274I love the 4 questions that she asks.

  1. Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to 3.)
  2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
  3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
  4. Who would you be without the thought?

The work may be difficult to grasp, but now I do see it is a beautiful process.  My perceptions have shifted, my mind expanding and my heart opening a little more.  Are the thoughts in my head real?  What is reality – the past, the future, or only now?  Lots to ponder.  If you are interested, you can visit her link here.