Sunday, March 27. The month is coming to an end. April is knocking on the backdoor. Spring seems so slow and yet we’ve had some early warm temperatures. I was sorry to see the snow disappeared so fast. Our cross country ski came to an abrupt end last weekend. I miss it – the challenge of staying upright and moving on 2 strips of wood. I feel like I’m getting dull, lethargic and gaining weight already without my ‘extreme’ sport.

It might seem strange that I am so am enamoured with it since I am not at all athletic. I think it is because I like the challenge of mastering a physical skill that I have no aptitude for. There’s lots of/endless room for improvement. AND it can be a solo pursuit. I don’t need a group of people though that can be beneficial for pointers and support. Swimming is another similar activity. I am not a good or fast swimmer but I’ve come a long way since the ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED days. My plan was to get back to swimming but alas, the pool I go to is out of commission for at least a couple of months.

They weren’t kidding when they say the best laid plans sometimes go awry. It’s been like that for the last 2 years. Afternoons are not always good for me. I feel low and am apt to weep into my cuppa. Tears don’t always help but they don’t hurt either. Withholding them might. I no longer buy into keeping a stiff upper lip and other noble acts. It goes against my nature. I’m remembering how angry and pissed off I feel being told to ‘rise above it’, don’t take it personally, think about how the other person feels, get over it, let it go. None of that has worked well for me. But time does heal and ease the sting of disappointments and hurts. I do eventually come to the conclusion: What the hell was that all about? What a waste of time fretting over that!

It’s taken me years to get here. I’m a very slow learner as well as a very slow swimmer and skier. I’m not disappointed in myself. I know the Aesop’s tale of the Hare and the Tortoise. Slow and steady will get me there. The steady part is the tricky part. I got waylaid by an article about Kevin Costner. Away I went scrolling. But I’m back. In between I cleaned and descaled the humidifier. It was long overdue. It is another one of very hard tasks to get to for no good reasons. I’ve long given up trying to understand the whys. Now I think of the steps to take to get the task done.

It’s day 3 of being of setting my goal of showing up here daily and getting on with the program. I am better motivated and energized in the morning. I am more focused and can think clearer. Dealing with bills and banking are not fun. I am proud that I did them this morning though I did bemoaned that it took a precious chunk of my good time. Now at the end of the day, I can say, Oh heck with things. The important items are done. I can give in to my mopey self and let it all hang out. I may not be swimming any time soon, but I am heading back to the gym – tomorrow!

PS: This wasn’t a smooth writing. Therefore probably not a smooth reading. My apologies.