ITS OVER

Here it is the twilight hour and I have not yet started my conversation. I’m making a stab at it now. So many things running around in my head. Where to start? Well, I know how important a good night of sleep is. I didn’t get one last night. The dog had to go out in the middle of the night. I had a time getting her back in after. She wanted to play games and play hide and seek. I had to put my boots on to see what her problem was. Dogs are so silly sometimes. A shovel had displaced itself against the deck railing. She had lots of room to get by but not so in her dog head. The fresh winter air stimulated me enough to keep me awake for hours. Surprising how much wakefulness can make your muscles tense up. I’m still stiff and achy from it all.

I have no more detective/crime books to read at the moment. I had time to watch the snow flakes falling around the Buddhas this morning. It was such a delicious restful moment. I wonder why I don’t do it more often. Why must I get my head into a book or the Internet first thing in the morning?  Why not take time just to sip tea, look out at the world and wake up and feel my own body?

I hope I can smarten up and rid some of my addictions. I am working on my life, on what I say I would do. I’m reading on how in Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. I’m understanding more about the law of attraction. I can’t explain myself though at the moment. My glass of wine is doing me in. It’s a difficult concept and not merely just asking for what you want. Maybe tomorrow, when my head is clearer, I can explain. What I know is that it is a breakthrough for me.  It is helping me drop some of the habits of being me. I see that ‘habits’ have kept me stagnant. I’m like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, waking up to the same day over and over. I want that to be over. What better way to exit than having Roy Orbison sing me out?

 

 

MY NEXT PLAN

I wonder why I am so busy. I would like to just sit, rest or read a book at ease. But there’s something needing doing all the time – bread to be made, groceries to put away. Everywhere I look, I see dust, dirt and Sheba’s hair. How can I rest? How can I sit at ease? Why do I keep asking these same old questions? Why do I walk down the same streets and fall down the same old flipping holes?  I’ve worked through a whole year of doing different. Life remains tough. What is my next plan?

One thing for sure is I can’t wait till I’m all caught up with everything. I have to keep moving –  a little faster and further each day. Otherwise, I will never get out of the damn hole. A little cussing gives me a bit of oomph,  a little more power. Maybe it can boost me up to the edge and I can crawl out.

I’m feeling more calm and focus with each tap, tap of the keyboard. I have to find my way here more often. It is what is helping to slow my thinking mind so that I can do instead of racing around breathlessly in my head. I don’t need to move faster. I need to slow down and set priorities, taking time to figure out what helps/doesn’t help, make lists, keep records/journals….

I’m feeling better. Planning is grounding. I don’t feel like gnashing my teeth anymore. The dishes are in the washer. It’s going round and round. The rhubarb crisp is half started. It can rest in the fridge. Tomorrow is another day.

TAKING TIME – Day 61 in a year of…

Day 61, September 21, 2016 @8:06

I realize today that I must take the time to do the things that are important and the things that I love.  I can’t make more time.  But I can take time for these things and for myself.  I am here.  This is important.  And I love the tap, tapping of the words.  It is rhythmic. It is poetic.  It is the song of my heart.

I have been good at deceiving myself, saying “when I have time, I will do…” and so the piles pile up.  Things go incomplete.  Dreams stay in Neverland.  Wishes in the well.  I saw all that in a flash today.  Feeling fatigued and sweaty, wishing for a soak in the tub in the middle of the afternoon.  Feeling squished by many chores to be done.  Laundry brought home from the lake, defrosting the freezer, and …I was squished by it all.

img_6979Even the mundane of life are important. The laundry and freezer were a must.  I breathed.  I cleared my mind.  I did the laundry. I defrosted the freezer.  I soaked in the tub.  I had time.  I took time.  That was it. It was wonderful.  I have to remember to do it every day – take time to do the important and the lovelies.  Did you take time today?