I wonder why I am so busy. I would like to just sit, rest or read a book at ease. But there’s something needing doing all the time – bread to be made, groceries to put away. Everywhere I look, I see dust, dirt and Sheba’s hair. How can I rest? How can I sit at ease? Why do I keep asking these same old questions? Why do I walk down the same streets and fall down the same old flipping holes? I’ve worked through a whole year of doing different. Life remains tough. What is my next plan?
One thing for sure is I can’t wait till I’m all caught up with everything. I have to keep moving – a little faster and further each day. Otherwise, I will never get out of the damn hole. A little cussing gives me a bit of oomph, a little more power. Maybe it can boost me up to the edge and I can crawl out.
I’m feeling more calm and focus with each tap, tap of the keyboard. I have to find my way here more often. It is what is helping to slow my thinking mind so that I can do instead of racing around breathlessly in my head. I don’t need to move faster. I need to slow down and set priorities, taking time to figure out what helps/doesn’t help, make lists, keep records/journals….
I’m feeling better. Planning is grounding. I don’t feel like gnashing my teeth anymore. The dishes are in the washer. It’s going round and round. The rhubarb crisp is half started. It can rest in the fridge. Tomorrow is another day.