The day after my year of doing different I am feeling quite crossed and unpleasant. I feel ugly meanness and not niceness oozing out of me. I decide that I would try to go into quietness and sit with it for awhile. Maybe I can befriend the feeling and see where it goes. I will try the newness of not fixing. It will be difficult, for I’m the fix-myself queen.
The tap tap on the keyboard has a soothing rhythm. I’m feeling and listening to the sound. It reminds me of Rhythm of the Falling Rain.
I hear the opening bar of thunder, then the cascading falling of the rain, the melody and simple lyrics. It’s pretty, it’s lovely. My body moves to the rhythm. My lips mouth the words. I am not stirring up more uglies in me.
The wrinkles in my mind are ironed out, the uglies and meanness recede. Only I had felt them. They are not my outerwear. They are not broadcast over loudspeaker system. I am not what I feel. I do not have to repent and do 50 hours of community work. I am saved from myself by myself. Hallelujah!
What I know for sure is the earth is round. The sun rises in the east and sets in the west. It will do so every day unless we screw up and self destruct. What goes up must come down. I am not unique. Therefore I am not alone in my feelings. There are good habits and then there are bad habits. What I know for sure is I’ve strengthened my good ones during the 365 days of doing different. No matter how I feel, I get up, dress up and show up. It is a very good motto. Work it!