What Still Matters

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The cold temperatures are still with us. It’s -31℃. The sun is a weak yellow halo in a pale grey blue sky. I don’t really mind. I feel more alert, focused and at ease. The early mornings are still dark. It is restful to sit with just my cup of tea, not thinking and scrolling. After I’ve finished, I realize that what I felt was pleasure. It made me smile. It gave me joy and I made a second cup of tea.

I’m sitting not so pretty this morning. My hair is yet not combed but I am dressed and tapping rhythmically on the trusty keyboard. I’m not sitting so pretty but I am sitting content and at peace. That is what still matters at this stage in my life. Life hasn’t been exactly a bowl of cherries, especially the last couple of years. It’s been a roller coaster ride, full of ups and downs. When I think of it now, it’s been rather exciting and jarring. So I think excitement still matters, no matter what age we’re at. I need jarring out of my complacency.

Life is strange. I didn’t really think that I would be here talking like this. But here I am. So how am I talking anyways? A bunch of nonsense probably. But it’s good to flex my fingers and make them move on the keyboard. The exercise is waking up my senses, increasing my serotonin and making those dendrites snap more effeciently. I hope they are also working on and improving my ear hair cells. Hope and strange happenings still matter. Surprises still matter. Everything still matters.

SURPRISES

Reverb BB

It’s day 2 of Kat McNally’s Reverb.  The prompt today is:

What surprised you this year?  

What a loaded question!  Everything surprised me this year.  It was as if I had landed from outer space and Earth was foreign terrain.  It was no longer the friendly place I once knew.  I started unravelling like an old worn sweater at the strangeness of it all.  The unravelling sped up as the days passed – like the end roll of toilet paper.  Finally I was limp and helpless like a puddle on the bathroom floor.

Being helpless, I gave up fighting this strangeness.  When there was no more struggle, no more sparring in the dark, I was surprised by my own strength and resources.  Somehow I was able to pick up the stitches and knit myself back together.

It was not an overnight job.  I sat through a month of instructions, listening every day to a new instructor.  It was a most pleasant October as I spent each morning sipping tea with Melli of the Mindfulness Summit and learning what it is to be in the present moment, accepting what is.

It was a hard lesson and difficult knitting.  No double I will forget and unravel again.  But then that is how life is, isn’t it?  Ups and downs.  Flux and flow.  All of life’s surprises, big and small.  Have no worry for me.  I am a muse and as muses go, sometimes I tend to be melancholy in my words.   But I am ever a hopeful muse.  As I end may I say a prayer for us.

May you find peace.  May you find joy.  May you find strength to carry you.  May you find the gift in surprises that bring tears or joy.  And may God be with you always.