Tag Archives: solutions

STOP! LET ME THINK

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I am not making any better time today but at least I am not making more clutter. I dealt swiftly with the incoming mail. I just have to repeat it every day. So many things are calling my name. Some things will have to wait. I will make a list of things to tend to for tomorrow. I will use my small index cards. Got the idea from Kinsey Millhone, the private detective character from Sue Grafton’s alphabet series. She jots important notes on index cards and files them after. Mine can go into the recycling bin after.

My flow of words seemed to have dried up! Maybe I need my glass of wine now. Goes to show how exciting my life is. I started back with my aerobic classes after a few absent sessions due to physical ailments and the Easter weekend. It feels like it’s been a long while. I’m feeling out of shape already and my enthusiasm waning. There is danger of dropping out hanging in air. This spring has been hard. I said that about winter, too, didn’t I?

I’ve been using the word too much lately. I can hear my mother admonishing me in my head. She’s a great storyteller. She used to talk to me about our family and ancestors. She admires my grandfather’s brother and recounts numerous things that he has told her. One of which is never think of anything as being hard. Make a start and things will follow to resolution. In a difficult situation he would say, Stop! Let me think. They’re very good stategies. A pause is often fruitful whereas rash reactions could lead to more problems.

I’m working on my glass of wine now. Feeling mellow. Enjoying the pause. Tomorrow is another day.

HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY

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Have I told you lately how hard life is? Okay, I have. Just about every other post. Not apologizing for it. It’s true. It is so hard, especially when you hit a spell of sleepless nights. After 3 in a week, I started worrying. Should I just take that damn pill for awhile? Then I start worrying about not ever getting to sleep without one.

I decided to have a little faith and tough it out a little longer. I researched and found that nutmeg promotes relaxation and sleepiness. It never hurts to dig deep. Sometimes we think we know it all but there is always something else out there. I went to Dr.Mercola’s site.  He has some good information on getting a good night’s sleep and its benefits.

I tried the nutmeg solution last evening an hour before bedtime. I made a cup of hot chocolate with a pinch of nutmeg, cinnamon and ceyenne. It worked. I slept well, waking up only once during the night for a bathroom trip. I had no trouble getting back to sleep again. To be truthful, I was a little sleepy before the nutmeg. A little insurance doesn’t hurt and it is a nice evening ritual. I shall try it again tonight.

Life truly is frigging hard. There is no doubt about it. Getting a good night of sleep is the best way of getting myself out of a wet paper bag. I’m saved again! I’m sticking to the things that work. Get up, dress up, show up. I am happy to show up at the pool this morning. I front crawl up the lane and back stroke down, blowing bubbles and cares away. Looking forward to sleep again tonight.

 

SLEEP AND DEPRESSION

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I’m feeling much better this morning after a good night of sleep. I was feeling a bit blue yesterday. And why not? I had been mostly sleepless most of the night before. I had lived that way, mostly on 4-5 hours of sleep most of my working life as a nurse. I prided myself on how well I did on how little I slept. I was foolish. I did not think about the consequences of sleep deprivation. I do now. I am reminded each time I am sleepless.

I felt the beginning of a sore throat on waking. Oh-oh! I hope I am not getting sick. It went away after getting up, washing face and brushing my teeth. I remind myself to drink lots of fluids. I remind myself not to push for ‘accomplishments’ and speed. I have no ‘job’ and ‘boss’ to answer to. I can take it easy and take care of myself.

The sun is playing hide and seek, more hide than the other. It peeks out as I’m tapping. Then it disappears. I feel shadows creeping into my body. I feel them and let them be. The day can be full of tricks. I’ve been here before. The September I went to China, it was cloudy everywhere. In China it was because of the pollution and smog. Back home it was how the weather was. It stayed dark through all  of autumn. It was my most troublesome time with sleep and depression. I invested in a Remington daylight simulating clock . It’s much like the clock from hammacher.com. I went to sleep to the sound of gentle ocean waves and the lighting of the setting sun. I woke to birds chirping and the rising sun. I did not use the aromatherapy bead option. It worked well for me. I used it for a few years.

At the time I did not link my depression and sleeping patterns to my profession. I mostly blamed it on myself. But I also sought treatment and did research on depression and seasonal affective disorder -SAD. I attended workshops given by Dept. of Psychology, University of Saskatchewan. I was assessed for light therapy at the clinic in the hospital. I bought a light box. It was effective. I took up swimming. Then I renovated the house, putting in bigger windows and adding a sunroom. It was well worth the cost.

I’m looking back as I sit, tap tapping here. It has been very difficult, all of it. But I have to say that all of it have enriched me also. I had to reach out and into myself for solutions, to make a liveable and meanful life. I could not just sit and be overwhelmed and depressed by it all. There was always something for me to work on. I don’t think of them as problems but rather solutions. What’s working for me today? So many things -gardening, writing, painting, drawing, aerobics, learning a new interest, conversations. Life is always a wondrous thing.

What works for you?

 

RIDDLE, FIDDLE, DIDDLE, DE

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My heart likes to do tricks in the morning.  I pay it no attention.  Let it do the fast elevator down.  It’s trying to grab and trick me into excitement.  I might be a slow learner, but I’m onto it now.  Though I like to dawdle in the warmth of my bed, I rise and greet the day.  It is still dark at 7 o’clock.

I smell fresh coffee perking.  The aroma is enough to satisfy me.  I know its tricks, too.  It is in cahoots with my heart, trying to get me going.  I make my Chai, strong and sweet.  I savour its spicyness.  It is enough.  My heart beats its regular rhythm – no more elevator rides.  It’s best not to think too much, to analyze and figure out the why of everything.  It’s not always wise to get to the bottom of things.  The bottom might fall out if you figure out all life’s riddles.

I have to leave things alone, let the mystery rest.  Quite often, there is no mystery or reason.  It just is.  I have found that difficult to accept.  I’m such a contradiction, you know.  I HAVE to know.  I HAVE to understand.  Why?  Why?  Why? is my lament.  I’m quite tired and worn out with my ceaseless ruminating.  Now, I’m trying to be more accepting of the universe.

Yesterday, I stepped into Alice’s Wonderland for 15 minutes.  I attended her tea party with the March Hare, the Mad Hatter and the Dormouse.  The conversations were fascinating, remarkable and nonsensible.  As I listened, I heard familiarities to real live conversations I’ve had.  I recognized myself in Alice, always interrupting and demanding things to make sense.  Her whys were answered with why nots.  And indeed, why not?  You might as well figure out life’s riddles with a fiddle.

Less ruminating and thinking for me.  More doing and sweating.  Those are new goals for me this month.  No pain.  No gain.  I HAVE to heed my own words and PUSH forward, live life in the present lane – 15 minutes  at a time.  You can stand anything for 15 minutes, right?

You can travel a fair distance in 15 minutes even within the normal speed if you don’t dawdle, window shop or stop for coffee,  I am pleasantly surprised at how much I can write, tidy up and read in that short time.  Yesterday, I attended Alice’s tea party, met the King and Queen of Hearts and her whole troupe in that time.  It is not always how hard or long I push.  The key lies in my focus and steadfastness.

IMG00232Different ways work for different folks.  What works for me might not work for you.  You have to fiddle and solve your own riddles.  My songs and mantras make sense to me, but you will have to march to the beat of your own drum.  And that is a blessing.  Wouldn’t it be a dull world if there’s only one way, one tune, one beat?  There will be no sound with one hand clapping.  You have two of them.  Use them both and clap with ferver.  Clap with glee.

Don’t start a revolution.  Instead, create a solution.

 

 

TRYIN’, CRYIN’ TIMES

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IMG_0529I woke up this morning to be greeted by more snow.  This was after a day of rain all day on Wednesday.  Thursday morning, we discovered large amount of water had leaked in around the skylight in the garage.  So a quick call was sent to the roofer’s.  The trouble had started since the roof was re-shingled.

Then coming home yesterday afternoon, we see that there are large water muddles in our back alley – a problem we had the city fixed two years ago.  It is a bit disheartening to see we got our problem back.  Nothing to do but write the city again and send more pictures.  If only the neighbours IMG_0527could have done the same instead of digging a ditch to divert their puddles.

I could just cry but it would just add to the puddles.  Instead, I check on my bedding plants.  I turn on the grow light and bask in its brightness.  I see that the peppers, leeks and tomatoes are coming along fabulously.  If you look very carefully, you can see the celeriac are germinating.  There is one lone geranium, lost among them.  I will have a garden and spring and summer will come.  The leak and puddles will be gone.  I have faith and believe in the divine.