I have to snack my way through January. It’s a tough one for me this year. I’m staying calm, being brave and watching for the sign. It’s what Gracie Heavy Hand advises. It’s good enough for me. Snacks have a way of calming my nerves. They keep my hands steady so I can tap, tap on my keyboard and hold my paint brushes without trembling. A girl has to do what a girl has to do. I’m muching on healthy snack – a few taco chips and somebody’s homemade salsa. Zero transfat. Sometimes I like to crack open a few pistaschios. They’re what you call good fats – Omega 3s. I used to be a nurse. I know all these things. If I gain a few pounds in January, they’ll be healthy pounds. No worry.

I think we are too obsessed about weight and body image. We are constantly bombarded with diets and exercise. Obviously all these are not working. Look at all the overweight people – desperate enough to seek gastric surgery at private clinics. Not only did they not lose weight, they gained financial debt and health complications. It’s really a sad story of people gaining from others’ vulnerability and misery. But what to do?

I don’t know how to answer for anybody except myself. I try not to set myself up for upstoppable eating. Most of the time we do not have any junk food around. We’ve learned from our year of having bacon almost every day for breakfast. We did gained a few pounds but nowhere’s near needing a gastric band. Our opinion, of course. Now we don’t buy bacon – except the 2 packs I got on sale in the freezer. I do fall off the wagon once in awhile. You have to allow yourself. Otherwise you could go frigging crazy.

I think that might be my best advice for anyone – allow yourself some comfort, some leeway. Do not be obsessive about being perfect at anything. I’m allowing myself to feel what comes up. Yes, I admit it. Today, I found it frigging hard. I slept in, skipped my aerobics class. It was cold and dark in the morning. It was hard to hustle so I didn’t. But I did try to keep things at a medium hum, drank more tea, read Sue Grafton’s K is for Killer. I enjoy her style of writing. It’s similiar to Janet Evanovich’s. They both have murder, humour and kickass. Just what the doctor would prescribe for the winter blues.

I’m quite okay with my blues. Sometimes they are restful. I allow myself to be slowed down and rest. The worst time of the day for me is right after lunch. I hate the cleanup. I’m just letting everything sit and soak in the sink. I make myself a cup of tea, read my book or tap a few words. Then I take the fur baby out for her poop run. Today I had another cup of tea when we came back before attending to the mess. By then, it is like a meditation, doing one thing at a time.

January 12th today. 19 more days to go. A few more snacks and I can do it.