Tag Archives: slowing down

JOURNALING THRU IT ALL

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December 5. Good afternoon. It is another new and yet not so new day. I had a wonderful sleep last night. It was cold this morning at -27℃ but it is sunny and has warmed up to -23℃ at 2 pm. I have declared today for rest and relaxation. Therefore, I cancelled my exercise class upon getting out of bed. I’m foregoing my daily ski, too. I guess I am having a rant and a tantrum – a solo strike against myself. I’ve been thinking, a dangerous thing, you might say. But yes, I’m thinking that for all my efforts of trying and striving, I haven’t advanced a squat. Now it’s time to do different. I’m not ready to totally stop everything- forever. I am doing it for a day. I’m giving it a rest and giving my self a break. I’m going to pamper myself a little.

I was going for a walk but I think I will forgo it and soak in the tub. I don’t have any bubble bath to luxuriate in but I can substitute some epsom salt. I’m a practical girl at heart. But first a little culinary treat – ginseng coffee and a muffin and cheese to go with a few pages of John Grisham’s novel, Sooley. This book is different from his usual law and order. It is about basketball and Sudan. The pace is much slower. Therefore, I am slower too. I’m learning something new – basketall and Sudan. It’s all good. It’s getting me out of my usual rut.

Photo by Henley Design Studio on Pexels.com

I’ve been in the slow lane all day. It feels good enough to repeat tomorrow. I have nothing to rush to or about. Slow will help me get back to happiness. We all want that, don’t we? Instead of doing a gratitude list, I will do a Things I Did Today list instead. It is suggested by Esme Weijun Wang from her book, Rawness of Remembering: Journaling Through Difficult Times. I’m tempted to get the book but on second thought, aren’t I already doing it? So here goes my list.

  • Today I cancelled my morning exercise and it freed me from a set schedule.
  • Today I had a long soak in the tub with epsom salt and it relaxed and cleansed me.
  • Today I wrote this post. I’m keeping up with my commitment to write every day or almost every day.
  • Today I added more stuff to my pot of chili. Now I have prepared lunches for 4 days.

NO ORDINARY SNOW EVENT

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No Ordinary Snow Event

I guess we are well initiated to winter and snow shovelling now. The Saskatoon StarPhoenix’s headline was ‘No ordinary snow event’: Saskatoon digging out from blizzard. I didn’t think it was that bad – 35 plus centimeters. It’s alot of snow and some streets were impassable. The transit probably wasn’t running in some places. But I still remember 2007. We had 55 cm of snow then. I remember shovelling all day long to keep up. So this is a piece of cake.

No surprise that our exercise class, AM Energizer was cancelled. We did our own am energizer at home right after breakfast, shovelling. We were glad that we had done some shovelling before supper the day before. Even so, the snow was pretty deep in places. I had the shorter route of from house to the garage and greenhouse. The guy did the walk around to the front and the sidewalk. Then we went over to my parents’ house. I have snow shovelling service for them but you can’t always count on them to be there right away. We cleared a path to the front door and shovelled the back step so the back door could be opened. My mother, of course, tried to shoo us away.

It was a nice little storm, a slowing down into the season. I suppose some people might find the pace already slowed from the Covid but I am as busy as ever. I am as slow as ever, too. I’m a natural snail. I enjoyed the cocooning. The day was a bit of bliss for me, being sunny and all. I must be pretty fit for I didn’t mind the shovelling at all. It brought back memories of other heavy snowfalls when I was working. I remember the times I was stuck in the back alley coming home in the evening. There’s usually no one around to help. I would eventually get unstuck. But then there’s all that snow to shovel with work again in the morning. It was all very exhausting.

So this is a sweet spot for me now. There’s no pressure of time squeezes and going to work. No exhaustion at the end of a 12 hour shift. No getting up at the crack of dawn. No sleep deprivation. I’m learning to enjoy myself, to look ahead, prepare and tend to things before they start knocking at the door. I’m learning to let go of things that don’t matter. I’m learning when to speak and when not to. There’s a time for everything. And even in winter, the flowers still bloom.

BEING TRUE TO MYSELF

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Dang! It’s late afternoon already. Where did the day go? I’m repeating myself again but what else can I do? I had high hopes of ‘time to myself’, some time to bask in nothingness. That got dashed but I can’t really tell you what I’ve done with my day besides fretting. I would be so much happier if I could have control of what other people do. If only they could respond the way of my heart. They don’t.

Not to be totally negative, I had a lovely morning swim. I’m never tickled to be heading out in the cold and dark. But when I’m in the car heading down the back alley, I feel peace and calm settling around me. It’s as if I’m wrapped in that warm grey blanket. I’m leaving while the rest of the world slumbers. No matter how irritible and cranky I may feel now, my brain is soothed by that picture. There really is nothing that I must do or places that I have to be.

I’ll just linger and rest here for a little while. It’s good to slow my thoughts and let things sit. It’s difficult to be true to myself whilst being distracted by everything and anything. I have to turn off the noise and listen to the quiet. To ease my way out of this 18th day of the UBC, I leave you with My Blue Skies slide show. I made this video when I started going to the Sutherland Beach Park with Sheba. She was a young lass then. It was the first time I started looking up and noticed how blue the sky. Imagine that!

A STITCH IN TIME

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November 11, 2018  9:00 am

What I love about mornings is that it is a new day, a new page and another chance at a new beginning. I’m so prone at falling into the same rabbit hole. I thought I better return to my daily mumble jumbles. That way I can trace my way back to how I keep waking up in the same hole all the time. I can’t tell directions worth a damn but I don’t seem to need a GPS to Alice’s rabbit hole. Maybe I need to leave little signs of “Been Here” “DONE THAT’ so I can take a different route.

It’s Remembrance Day. It’s 100 years since the end of WW1. It’s a wonder to me to think of it, the number of young men who died in the line of duty. I have no adequate words to describe so I will not. It is fitting that we observe the 11th hour with a period of silence as a tribute.

2:14 pm

Mornings are definitely my happy times. By now I’m a little down in the mouth. It’s good to tap out the negative and put a little sunshine in myself. No sense in carrying the gloom around. I will put in 15 minute blocks of doing something instead of wool gathering and dwelling on all the bad stuff. I could dust and clear my desk for 15 minutes and move on to 15 minutes of cross stitching Jesus. And so on and forth. It’s enough to think of two things at a time.

November 12, 2018  10:32 am

Mornings are my best bet but I have to be carefeul that I don’t scroll it away through other people’s lives and the toxic wastes of world politics online. I have to give myself a firm scolding that it’s enough after an hour. Then it’s time to deal with the realities of tending to my own life. Yesterday’s assignment of 15 minutes of clearing and dusting my desk was successful. I have a dust free desktop. It still has a lot of stuff on it. That’s for another 15 minutes this afternoon. As for the cross stitching, I found I could stitch more than I thought possible in 15 minutes. A stitch in time does save nine.

So that’s it for now. I have no earth shattering insights but one observation. I found my thoughts rushing towards the 15 minutes. It’s so short. I have to hurry up, hurry up and do. It was much like taking Sheba to the doggy wash that charges by the minute. I was rushing and rushing. The clock was ticking in my head.  There really is no way to washing a dog fast without getting myself totally soaked and sudsy along with her. I’ve learned to slow my thoughts and rushing, the cost be damned. I reminded myself yesterday that I’m not being charged. It’s my own time, at my own speed.

 

 

WET NOODLE DAYS

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Moments by their definition are fleeting. So I am not disappointed, disillusioned or any other dis words at all that my moments of perfect alignment are over. Most happy of all that I am not diseased as being downed by the flu bug. I hear it’s a bad strain this year. It lingers and lingers. I’m feeling slow but not ‘bad’ that I am a wet noodle again. I can still noodle on. I’m more of a tortoise than the hare by nature anyways. I will get there, wherever there is, eventually.

 

As it is, the day turned out well. It was cold as hell to start with. Such days are good for simmering soup on the stove. It humifies the air and soothes my irritated sinuses. The soup is nourishing and healing. The bones are treats for Sheba. She is kept busy gnawing and cleaning her teeth at the same time. It’s a good time to bake bread, too, especially since we’re down to the last loaf. Fresh bread with butter and jam is delicious. You guess it. I am still snacking. It boosts my serotonin level. I’m not feeling as much of a wet noodle after. The house is warmer from the baking. Now the pork roast in the oven is adding aroma and more heat to the air. This is how to raise the temperature and feel good stuff in cold February.

I think winter is meant for slowing down, nesting and mending ‘stuff’ and ourselves. It’s a good idea to heed Nature. When spring comes, we will be well prepared. I really like that idea. It will stop my incessant need for doing and feeling guilty for not accomplishing. It will be a challenge for me. I’ve already signed up for the online Peak Work Performance Summit. I am not working any more but it is free. What does it hurt to sign up, I ask myself. I’m not committed to watch. But just in case. The title words by themselves – peak performance -are enticing to me. I’m easily hooked. They can perk the wet noodle in me. That’s not bad, is it?

I’m aware now. I will intend more mending on wet noodle days. I have another jacket that needs a new zipper. The old one is removed. Now I can baste the new one on first before sewing it on. The coat is purple so I need to change the black thread that’s on the Bernina now. My eyes glaze over at the thought because the machine is very new and unfamiliar to me. I will have to change the bobbin thread, too. Now my eyes are crossing over. I will have to review the whole procedure again. Very heavy sigh. It has to/will be done. It doesn’t have to be today. I’m thinking of ‘slowing down, nesting and mending.