Tag Archives: painting

COURAGE AND FEAR – Day 160 in the year of…

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Day 160, January 2, 2016 @5:30 pm

15732245_10154115406535887_7944740098661491709_oI am finally reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic after buying it a year ago. I’m making progress reading just a few pages each day. The profound thing for me is her description of courage. Having courage does not mean you are fearless. Fearless people are sometimes rash and reckless. Courage is when you carry on despite the fear. I like the idea of not fighting it but to make space for it. Let it be a companion but not to let fear drive you. I feel its presence but it’s not running me.

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I’m making slow magic, bit by bit, stroke by brush stroke each day. They build on each other. There’s a timidity in them but one day, my courage is going to be BIG and I will let my brushes have their way. They will whoosh across the canvas in brave broad strokes and in bold colours. It will happen. Meanwhile I’m learning my craft, experimenting with the magic, building my confidence, making peace with my fear.

My angels are around me on this 160th day in my year of doing different, on this 2nd day of 2017. I hear the whisper of their wings as they hover near. Peace be with everyone.

EVOLVING- Day 146 – 147 in a year of…

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Day 146 – 147, December 19, 2016 @12:20 pm

Cloudy day. Our minus 30s degree C have climbed to – 3 C overnight. Life is still hard. I feel the changes of temperature rising in my physical body. I lack the energy of the EverReady Bunny. There is no good news. The Russian ambassador to Turkey has been fatally shot. The world seems to be imploding. Still the earth spins on its axis as always. And I must too.

It is another day in this year of doing different. I bring out my brushes. I bring out my paints. I make little strokes here and there. Sometimes I make big splashes. I change the colour. I change the hue – sometimes subtle, sometimes bold. There are no mistakes in painting. There are no mistakes in life. I rather think of them as lessons. They teach me to let up, change directions, change whatever I need to. That’s what is called evolution. It just take little changes each day. Look what can happen in 14 days.

After all this, I am not sure if I am happy with how I am evolving. Tomorrow is another day. Evolution never stops.

THE SCREAMER – day 138-140 in a year of……

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Day 138 – 140, December 12, 2016 @4:52 pm
img_8729Some days I wonder: For what purpose was I born? Today, I wonder that and: For what purpose am I doing this year of change? Today, I wonder: Have I made any difference? What I know for sure today is: I am not in a peaceful happy space. Today, I wonder: What do these people want from me? What does the world want? When will everything just blow up since there is so much PUNCH, BANG, KA-KA-KA out there? Why don’t we just get it over with – delete and start again. If only it is as simple as that. And so, I continue to sling paint onto the canvas. I could get bolder and throw fistfuls at it. I can be the New Age Edvard Munch. I wish that it was me who had painted The Scream. I want to scream.

I’m not that far gone, as you can see. My painting is nowhere’s near the fright of The Scream. I’m just talking out of my hat/my purple haze. I should have kept the snakes and vipers. Munch is my new hero. I want to paint like him. I quote him –

“No longer shall I paint interiors with men reading and women knitting. I will paint living people who breathe and feel and suffer and love.”

img_8632Lofting aspirations, but I am talking out of my hat, through a purple haze. I am one of those knitting women. I wouldn’t want to obliterate me. But who knows. Strange things happen when you put words onto a page.

Guess what? I am feeling better. I’ve stopped screaming. I don’t wonder anymore. What do I care? I just do. I just be. That is purpose enough.  Onward, James! Tomorrow is another day. I can anguish some more then.