Tag Archives: noise

WHAT ABOUT ME?

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IMG_0567It’s hard to stay afloat.  Sometimes I feel as if I’m drowning in the sea of life.  Where is the peace and contentment?  Everybody and their dogs are clamouring.  Me!  Me!  What about me?  And Sheba’s barking and nudging, insistent with her snout.  Me!  Me!  I feel like screaming.

IMG_1227Will everybody just shut the #* up already? What about me?  I count the most with me, thank you very much.  You will have to wait your turn, till I’m ready.  There, that’s much better.  It is finally quiet and peaceful.  My nerves are soothed by silence.  Bark collars work, even without batteries.  Different people require different ‘collars’.  You have to experiment to find the right ones, but it’s worth the effort.

Do I sound a bit nasty?  That’s what noise, a lingering cold and hassles not of my own making can do to me.  It drives me out of my skull.  Sometimes I cuss up a blue streak but I’m out of practice.  I have taken to seething.  You can almost see the steam coming out of my mouth in hisses and snorts.  It’s not satisfying at all.  I’m letting my fingers do the #*!#* instead.  It’s better but there’s not enough squiggles on the keyboard for full expression.  OH WELL!  C’est la vie

I have inhaled and exhaled.  I am tap, tapping away my angst on the keyboard.  My head is a little lighter and clearer.  Anger and irritation are chased down the road.  I am almost human again.  I rise above the soap operas of our lives and thrive.  What bunk but it sounds good, doesn’t it?

THE WORLD WITH OUT

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IMG_1001The rain continues to come down.  I continue to venture forth into the Universe to feed myself, for no woman is an island unto herself. She cannot be nurtured and grow without any outside forces.  Within, she will dwindle and wither and become as insignificant as she already feels.

The world is noisy and chaotic. But it is where we all want to be because the chaos and noise are just as bad inside ourselves.  It is safer and more comfortable to experience it on the outside.  I rather say it is because of ‘THEM” and it is “OUT THERE” than blame myself and that the fault lies within me.  Wouldn’t you?

IMG_0515But I did find quiet corners within the maddening crowd.  I was not quite an island but still felt safe enough.  The chaos and noise were on my periphery.  They worked as a shield to protect me from myself.  I was insignificant and yet not diminutive. I still had power. I was Wonder Woman once.

I could be again.  Where are my bracelets and lasso?

FAR, FAR FROM THE MADDENING CROWD

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So here I sit, in the afternoon heat, wishing for days of yore.  I am wishing for those days of innocent girlhood when you can just pick up the phone and talk to a friend. There’s a price to pay with our modern techno gadgets.  You lose the skill for verbal, face-to-face or even phone conversations.  I feel myself going in that direction.  I hesitate to pick up the phone and dial.  Maybe they’re busy.  Maybe I will be a bother, Maybe, yes, maybe…..And so I put the phone down.  Maybe another day.  I am envious of people who are brave to be spontaneous….people who can pick up the phone and dial, people who can drop in for a visit because they are nearby and they like to spend time with you.  It is so easy to be lazy, to hide with our texting messages and our emails and our plans.  Don’t get me wrong.  I think these are wonderful time saving tools, but as with everything else…balance would be nice.

So here I sit instead, tapping out my words and sipping coffee on a hot summer afternoon.  I wipe the sweat from my face.  I can hear the traffic whoozing down Preston Avenue through my open windows.  Do you know that Staffing has already called me twice today?  Can you believe it?  I could not even make it for my own shift yesterday.  But what do they care.  I’m just a name and a number on their call list….someone at straight time.  Though I work in healthcare, I know that I am the one who has to care for myself.  Healthcare is too big an expanse to know whether a worker is sick and in trouble.  So I am at the top of the triage to sound the alarm…health worker down!  Time out!  No need to bring all my health or other dramas to work.  That’s not what I’m paid for. That is the sad truth.  Time to refill my coffee.

I muster enough energy for my hair appointment this morning.  Somehow I always end up in the barbershop chair when I’m feeling glum.  Maybe it is just false perception….coloured by my mood, I am sure.  My hairdresser is very beautiful, blonde and European.  Her name is Beata.  I have enough confidence in her now that I don’t worry about my mood affecting how the cut will turn out.  My haircut is always fabulous.  And she does not talk too much which is nice.  I talk enough in my work life that it is wonderful to be able to sit back in her chair, close my eyes and let her razor and scissors do their work.  It is fabulous not to make small talk.  I can close my eyes and escape from all the noises of life for a little while.

I open my eyes.  My hair is short, short….just the way I like it.  But I am still looking glum.  Well, it is hot and my face is a bit swollen and puffy.  How else can I look?  All good things in time.  I am a work in progress.