Tag Archives: no rest

The Things I Can’t Change

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Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels.com

I’m still mumbling and stumbling but unfortunately not towards ecstasy. My mind has been like scrambled eggs, unable to be calm. Therefore, I am often lost or at a lost. I thought I would take the day off, lounge, do nothing and rest. It seem like a hard thing to do now. I wake up, get up, dress up and show up and there’s things to do.

I like to step out of the door to get my natural dose of Vitamin D. Pretty soon I find a pail in my hand and a pair of clippers in my other hand. Then I clip a tomato here and there, pick those evergrowing purple pole beans. I wander into the front yard and clip those bush tomatoes in the raised bed. Next I’m pulling some red onions in the next bed. One thing leads to another. It always happen.

I’m not complaining. It’s good to be out in the morning light. It’s good to be moving. But it would be good, too, if I can be still and rest. I have lost the knack of just being. I’m in constant thought, thinking, worrying, fretting, moving. There are many things that I can’t change but somehow I still feel responsible. I still fret, mumble and stumble through my day, wondering what can I do.

So I came here, to put my frantic and nervous thoughts onto the page. Perhaps that will take wind out of them. A therapist once told me that I am not all that powerful. I am not God. I am not responsible for everything and everyone. So I am remembering that now and thinking about the many things I have no power over.

I cannot change my nature. I am a fretter and worrier. Perhaps accepting that part of myself will help me find healthier ways of behaviour. I cannot change how another sees and treats me. It is not my problem and it does not define me. I cannot stop time. I cannot change the weather. I can learn to prepare to work around for the things I cannot change. I guess I am not that powerless, after all. I do have power over how I think. And that is good enough.

UBC Day 23 – Sunday Vibes

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If Sunday is suppose to be a day of rest, I didn’t get any. Not that I am complaining. I am enjoying this burst of energy while it lasts. Perhaps it’s the sun. Perhaps it’s the heat. Wherever it came from, I’m grateful and making good use of it. I hope it will last for a good while.

Being Sunday, it was a sourdough pancake breakfast to start the day off. Then it was out in the garden harvesting a little of this and a little of that. It turned out to be quite alot by the time I was finished – lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber, bitter melons, raspberries and strawberries. Since I was still pumped, I thought I better head over to our community garden, harvest the snowpeas and water the plot. It was still relatively cool with a promise of a high of 29℃.

Our community garden plot is performing well. The snowpeas have done amazingly well. I’ve been harvesting every other day and they are still coming. I’ve been unable to grow them at home because of the birds. They love them, too. They get eaten as soon as the seeds germinate and poke their heads out of the ground. Same goes for beets. I do not know why the birds don’t go after them away from home dwellings.

snowpeas
cheyenne pepper
potatoes
slipper gourd
eggplant
Swedish beans
carrots
our plot

Sundays I have coffee with my mother and help her with a little vacuuming. She’s more frail this year but is still fiercely independent. I have to be ok with what little she will let me do. She’s not able to do much gardening this summer but likes to have her morning walk in the yard. She uses her long handled weeder as a cane to walk and weed as well. She is slow but steady. The yard is immaculate. My brother is the gardener now, as well as mowing and watering the lawn.

It was a very nice day. I felt happy and relaxed, satisfied with myself. Walking home from my mother’s I saw my yard from a passerby’s vantage point. It was very beautiful in dappled sunlight . I caught my breath and couldn’t help but tarry and linger amid the lilies awhile before going in.

NO REST SUNDAY

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January 16, day 16 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. A lovely sunny Sunday smiled upon us today. We had our usual Sunday morning sourdough pancakes with bacon for breakfast. I thought about taking today for a day of rest. Yesterday was quite taxing. But the morning beckoned and we headed out early to the park for a ski. I graduated over to the north park this morning. It’s more interesting with hills and valleys. I’ve worked up the courage to step on its tracks again. Like the experts say. the best thing to do after a fall is to get right back on the horse again. It’s been a year since I’ve fallen on these trails. It was time.

I am much better and faster now that I got my new skis and boots. I can boogie along pretty good, that is until I met an uphill bump. I ended up on my butt on top of my skis. Getting untangled and up took some doing but I did it. Then it was going down some slopes. They’re probably not a big deal at all, but still scary for me. I managed the first one and second one. But at the end of the second one it had an incline. I should have pushed with my poles then for some speed to get over. I didn’t. I was like deer in headlights wondering what’ll I do. The next thing I knew I was down. This time getting up was much, much harder to do. The snow was very deep. I ended up taking my skis off.

I did not give up though. I went down successfully on another slope and made another loop around the park. I fell once more at the tricky upward slope. But I got up without taking my skis off. I’m still keen though. It is another challenge for me – to get over that tricky spot without falling. It is only January. I have till March to get over it.