Tag Archives: much about nothing

Much About Nothing

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A cloudy cool Saturday morning. I’ve been doing what I do the best, ruminating, accomplishing nothing. I seemed to have lost my words or else I’ve fallen out of love with them. How does one fall in love again? Life seems to have gone to hell in a handbasket. I am perhaps being overly dramatic and morose. So how does one get out of it? How can I fall in love with life and my words again?

I look out window at the grey drab January landscape. The only bright spot is the pink garage door. I am still surrounded by my paper clutter. At least I’ve taken care to comb and put up my hair. I drew in some eyebrows and put in some earrings. I’m not looking like hell. I’m wearing something bright, a blue mohair sweater knitted long ago. I feel a tug of desire to pick up my knitting needles again. They are sitting in a basket next to my chair. There’s also a pattern book of 6 patterns. The book cost $2.50 so you can guess how old it is.

My thoughts go round and round. I wonder what life is and how did I get here. It’s been a slippery slope since my mother passed. Her presence made me feel safe. There was order and purpose. She was our glue and our traffic director. Nobody seems to want the job she vacated. But one cannot just let everything fall apart. And so I try. Not doing great but at least I’ve picked up the reins. I couldn’t very well just say, ho hum and that was it. Well, I could but what would happen if we all did that?

So, I am trying again on the keyboard. I am trying to find the words to inspire and whisk me out of the hell handbasket. Something is better than nothing. Silence can be deadening as I well know. I might as well raise some hell. There’s still a few days left in January Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’ve made a beginning. There’s a bit of a middle. I need to finish what I’ve started. And that’s all there is to it.

SKIS AND PICKLES

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SKIS AND PICKLES

Gosh, I’ve gone past my magic hour of 5 pm! I’m staring down 5:45. Good thing we are late diners. Supper won’t be ready for a while. So what should I talk about today? Our province’s new Covid cases for today is 236. It’s no small potatoes. It’s not that there’s nothing we can do about it. There are! We can wear our mask when we go out. We can avoid crowded and hot spots like bars. We don’t have to wait for the gov’t to close them down. We can choose to be responsible without a government order, can’t we? Some businesses have. All of us need to step up.

Enough ranting already, eh? Let’s get on with the show even though I don’t have much to show. The morning went, just like that. I did a bit of chopping and throwing things into the Instant Pot for lunch. I thought I would deal with my Jerusalem artichokes pickling down in the basement for awhile now. Then I would have a sit down with my cup of tea. As it turned out, it took longer than I thought. A lot longer. Isn’t that how it is always?

The pickles were in a bit of a pickle. It’s not a complete disaster, but I could have done better. It was my first time so I have to be easy on myself. I should have done a smaller batch. I should have used dried pepper flakes instead of a whole fresh chili pepper. The chili insides sort of melted into a white slime. It didn’t make the brine look delicious. Some of the sunchokes were a bit soft and mushy because they bobbed out of the brine. I took everything out and threw out the soft mushies. I discarded the brine and rinsed off the chokes. I put them back in a clean jar and filled it with a new 3% brine solution. I covered them with cabbage leaves. A teacup on top of that to weigh everything down. It was a bit of work leaving me not much time for sipping tea. Then it was lunch time.

My day seem so short, filled with messing around and cleaning up. But I did have a short ski up and down our back alley a few times. After many, many years, I’ve finally got out those long ago skis I got at the Ski Swap. I’ve only tried them out twice ever, if that. It was a bit of a challenge getting everything snapped on. I fell down immediately. Had a hell of a time getting up. So I just laid there and the guy finally had to pull me up. I got better with the second fall, though my foot came out of the boot. That made it easier. I felt pretty good after a few more times up and down the alley. I think we’ll try the park next time. I’m sure the falling downs will have softer landings.

IN MY FUGUE

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So life goes on. There’s no stopping or pausing it. While my life is a bit less of everything, the colours are just as bright for everyone else. I’m caught in a fugue, a bubble devoid of colour and sound. It’s restful here. I think I’ll stay for awhile. It’s a jungle out there. Dog eat dog. Mother beats child. Your lover can dump you for another. Who can get the most? Who can get to the finish line first?

I’ll have none of it. Thanks anyways. I rather be a loser. I rather be defeated than get in the mix. I’m not a striver. I am not ambitious. I am no competition. You can wear my gown and laurels. I prefer the rags. I’ll wear my smile, put the shine in my eyes and keep my heart and sanity. I’ll let you be right. You can have the credits. You can have the voice, too. I prefer the silence and keep my council.

Yes, I am blue, green. yellow, black and a dot of red. I am alive and breathing. I’ve lost the fight – today. I’m no warrior, no samurai today. I’ve lost my courage to fatigue, sleeplessness, hopelessness and all the nesses you can name. In other words, I’m a failure. I like it. It means I don’t have to measure up to anything/anybody. I get to start from scratch. I can just be me. How wondrous! How exhilarating! Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

I’ve lost my spunk but I’ve found my words. Words are important, Caroline Myss says. They contain the whole universe. I believe her. Perhaps she is the only one that I do believe. Well, I think I’ve gone on long enough about nothing. To be brief, good night. Keep well. Don’t let the bed bugs bite.