I’m beginning the week on the right foot, trying to fulfill my self-made commitment of showing up here 3 times a week – Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I’m still feeling pretty relaxed and chilled. I don’t feel compelled to do much of anything. But I do want to move on and not linger, wasting time and energy. It is the hardest thing, this moving on. It is so easy and comfortable being stuck in the habitual. There’s no surprise involved. No loss or gain. Status quo. I’m lucky that I am basically a wallflower but I have a point where I could scream if I don’t break from the same old, same old.
When I get to that point, I push myself outward and forward even though I am scared shitless. That’s how I’ve managed to travel to some distant shores. I clutched my bottle of lithium all the way to Scandinavia once upon a time. I can’t remember how long ago that was. I experienced Denmark, Sweden, Norway and Finland under their influence. Those pills slowed me down and made everything taste terrible, even the water. They made my poop green. I don’t know why, my then doctor put me on them because my later doctor felt they were unnecessary. One was male and the second one female.
Life is hard, strange and wondrously fascinating. There have been many obstacles along the way. I have struggled and had to work hard to keep going. Some days I can hardly move but I have never stopped trying. My philosophy is if you can put one foot in front of the other and do your best, everything will work out somehow. That’s the way you can move on, no matter what. And here I am sitting here tapping. I’ve found the sweet spot again today. From experience I know it won’t be like this every day. Those cloudy days will come again and again. In the same way, the sun will come out and shine again and again. That’s how life is. I’m moving on to another day.