Tag Archives: mess

RAINY MORNING MUSINGS

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It’s raining – the first of the year.  I’m grateful.  My garden is grateful – for this drink of life. It is cool – 4 degrees Celsius after last week’s blistering 32.  Tomorrow and the next night, the forecast for -1 and -2 respectively.  Nothing is predictable anymore.  Was anything ever? Have a look at what is happening in Fort McMurray, Alberta.  It is like a dream.  I am sure it is a nightmare for the residents fleeing their city as the fires rages.

I am philosophical, uncertain but happy and grateful this rainy, cool 10th of May.  I took a tour of my garden, securing the covers over the tender young tomatoes I planted 2 days ago.  I might have been too optimistic and foolish thinking that the temperature could not possibly dip below 0 anymore.  But what the hey?  Nothing ventured, nothing gained/learned.  I have a good feeling about my green thumb.  I feel like a winner at the moment.  I’m going with it.

IMG_5382I’ve doubted my feelings and myself for too long.  I’m making up by taking taking a giant big step forward. I’m being confident.  I’m being happy with myself as I am, no apologies.  It feels good.  There’s no time for putting myself on the back burner for others.  I’m moving closer and closer towards my own mortality every day.  If I don’t live for me now, when then?

Life is messy and wonderful.  That is what I take away from Anne Lamott.  In Bird by Bird she wrote,

“Clutter and mess show us that life is being lived …Tidiness makes me think of held breath, of suspended animation… Perfectionism is a mean, frozen form of idealism, while messes are the artist’s true friend. What people somehow forgot to mention when we were children was that we need to make messes in order to find out who we are and why we are here.”

IMG_5373I am now wondering why I have been so taken with Marie Kondo and her The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.  I have been a clutter bug all my life.  I could learn to be a little neater but more would be trying to get a leopard to rid its spots or a zebra its stripes. What was I thinking?  There’s beauty and artistry in our clutter and messes.  After all, it is what our lives are made of.

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I am tired of holding my breath, suspending my animation.  I am letting me out of the bag. So happy to have this rainy interlude to muse much about it all and savour life.

RAINY DAY LAZIES

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IMG_6680It’s been raining on and off all day.  It’s coming down hard as I speak, the rain spattering and running down the window. But it is one of those easeful, lazy kind of day.  It is the kind that spells REST.

Sheba and I did go for our walk this morning.  We both got dressed in our black rain gear and splashed our way through the puddles at leisure.  What’s a little rain?  The traffic around the neighbourhood was something else.  With so many road detour blockage, our normally quiet side streets were abuzz with cars going every which way.  Then a cyclist rode up behind us and rang his bell.  Sheba did not like that!  It was NOT relaxing.

IMG_0932I was not completely lazy.  I managed a thing or two.  I dusted my rock and seashell collection that I had brought back from Ghana. I listened to the music of Loreena McKennitt.  I drank tea.  Reading someone’s blog post on discovering your purpose and your calling, I discovered in that moment I didn’t want a purpose or a calling.  I wanted just to live my life for myself.  Would you call that selfish?

Selfish or not, I am elated that I have definite feelings about something.  I’m not willy nilly after all.  How wonderful that I’m not another sailor lost at sea.  I have a sense of direction.  Maybe that is what purpose is.

IMG_0934I did some filing and clearing of the desk, but somehow no matter how many pieces of paper I move, things didn’t look any better. But I remembered what Anne Lamott said about messes and clutter.

“But clutter and mess show us that life is being lived. Clutter is wonderfully fertile ground – you can still discover new treasures under all those piles, clean things up, edit things out, fix things, get a grip. Tidiness suggests that something is as good as it’s going to get. Tidiness makes me think of held breath, of suspended animation, while writing needs to breathe and move.”

And she is right!  I am happily tapping away in my clutter, finding little nuggets in my piles.

FERTILE GROUND

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The day is in glorious warmth and sunshine.  A fresh breeze is coming in from my window.  The air is alive with children’s voices and laughter from the daycare one house removed.

We are back from our morning bike ride, the three of us – the man on his recumbent trike, me on my upright trike and Sheba on foot.  I have a couple of shots of us before we headed out.

It was a little harder managing my iPhone, bike and dog while in motion.  It was a little tricky as you can tell by these shots.  One handed Annie was not good with her aim!

 

We are back and I am tapping away on my keyboard in the midst of my usual clutter and mess.  I have been reading Anne Lamott’s Bird by Bird.  I like what she says of clutter.

“But clutter and mess show us that life is being lived.  Clutter is wonderfully fertile ground – you can still discover new treasures under all those piles, clean things up, edit things out, fix things, get a grip.  Tidiness suggests that something is as good as it’s going to get.  Tidiness makes me think of held breath, of suspended animation, while writing needs to breathe and move.”

Yesterday I had looked under some of my piles, cleaned a few things up.  I found a couple of treasures.  I held them in my hands and could not edit them out – yet.  I filed them for the time being.  It’s hard to erase myself.

I’m fixing things bit by bit.  I am getting a grip.  My feet are firmly on the ground, though my mind wanders from time to time.  There’s always things to work on – piles to clear, words to write, stitches to ply, love to be had, God to thank…