Today is the first day of the #100dayproject. This year I am making another logcabin quilt for my sister. I will make a square/day for the next 100 days. Yesterday I spent time to clean and oil my Bernina 790 sewing machine. I need to prime and oil myself as well. I have almost one square done, but I am frustrated, hair standing on end. I haven’t organized or prepared my material. My work space is one big sunspeakable mess. I had to run and escape from all that.

I’m feeling stuck in emotional frustration as well as in physical chaos. What is wrong with me? No one is answering, offering any answers or advice. I must work through this all by my lonesome. It’s a forlorn journey. I think this is why when someone asks me for help, I am more than happy to lend a helping hand or a voice. Not having boundaries, I go way overboard. I would be the lifeguard who rescues someone drowning and takes him home with me instead of leaving him at the pool. It is too much. In due course I would get angry and lose my cool and things blow up and get messy.

Because I can’t say no and hurt people’s feelings, I end up doing that very thing. I hurt their feelings. Then I wonder what the hell happened? There, I’ve said it. I see it. I feel less frustrated and stuck. Maybe I can pitter, patter down to my chaotic sewing room, sort and organize and finish my one logcabin square. Wish me luck.