January 22, 2026. A sunny bitterly cold morning. Just what I like. I’m wearing a black silk/nylon/mohair sweater with sequins from years ago. I’m sipping my second cup of tea and hoping to tap out another post for the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Just a little over a week left in January. I’m not as enthused this round with my words. I’m not showing up every day. Sometimes I wonder why I bother.

Why I bother is because it is the best/better mode of releasing stress for me. I can lash out with my words without causing self harm and hurt to others. It is only true when I confine my words to this space. I can poke a bear awake with my keyboard just as well as with my sharp tongue. I felt the result of that yesterday. I ran into a very old colleague whom I haven’t seen for a long time. I greeted her. She let me know in no uncertain words and facial expression that I am not loved.”There’s no need to say hello when you had been so rude to me on Facebook.” She retorted.

I was and was not surprised. That had been over a year ago in October of 2024. It was soon after my mother’s funeral. I was somewhat crazy and she irritated me greatly with her comments on our lunch group page. I was instrumental in adding and including her to the group after she expressed being left out. She did not once showed up but always responded with some irritating comment. After many months, I removed her. What followed was very strange and ugly. I regretted all my actions. How silly to lose my much needed energy this way.

So it is another cold morning. January 23rd. -37℃. No sun yet. The cold is good enough reason to take a break from the gym. I have soup souping in the Instant Pot. I am hoping to tap a good ending to this post. The flip flopping of temperatures is hard on the body. I am adjusting and readjusting to that and life as well. I tend to have the archetype of a rescuer. What I haven’t learned is that not everyone wants to be rescued. I haven’t realized that I am not that powerful. I am not God though I have been told. Hence, energy drains out of me.

Today, I am doing self care. I am not that powerful. I am not God. I don’t have to save everyone or anyone. It is good to let go and let it be. Peace.