Tag Archives: Jesus

FILLING IN THE BLANKS

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November 18, 2018  8:33 am

Mornings are still dark at this time of the year. They will get darker yet as we move towards December. It is easy for me to idle my time away surfing the Internet. I’ve had my quota. It is time to move on. So I am here, to breathe and meditate and to flex my fingers. It is a good exercise to ease into the day. My fur baby is at my side as usual.

Times are changing for both of us. We are not so young and limber anymore. We seldom go down to the river to run/walk on its frozen waters and to converse with God. It seldom freezes over now even in the heart of winter. Now we take our walks and conversations on our urban streets. I can still feel His presence amid the traffic and noise. I can hear our collective breaths in the air. What is in one is in the whole. We are all connected.

December 19, 2018  1:54 pm

It is a grey Monday. I’m sitting with my decaf. I’m not motivated or inspired. If anything, I’m sleepy. If I haven’t been programmed to do and create, I would lay down and have a nap. I might just do that yet. I’ve been training myself not to ‘do’ lately. I’m cutting back time spent scrolling and crawling through cyberspace. I’m grabbing back some empty time for my soul and sanity. I’ve forgotten that I am the captain of my ship. I make the calls which direction I’m heading.

4:45 pm

I was not good at napping. I stretched out on my Lazy Boy with my quilt and closed my eyes. My sleepiness disappeared. I was left with trying to will myself to sleep. It was no good. I need more practice. I have to ease into it. I had to give it up and worked on my cross stitch of Jesus. It was relaxing, an emptying of mind and stress. I’ve filled most those blanks on that section of background. It’s like doing a crossword puzzle only much easier. I knew all the answers. If only I knew all the answers to life, wouldn’t it be grand?

It is getting darker. It’s after 5. Sheba and I have been around a block or two and maybe even more. I tried not to think it’s cold. I tried not to shiver. I tried to think warm and not to cut short our usual walk. I walked tall and as briskly as Sheba would go. She likes to dawdle and stick her nose into the snow, looking for a snack. But we are back. I’m here with my tea, toast and jam. I’m good at that.

 

 

O HOLY NIGHT

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I feel guilty sitting here, tap tap tapping on this 24th day of December – Christmas Eve. By all accounts aren’t I suppose to be busy cooking up a storm, celebrating and partying? At the same time, aren’t we supposed to observe the reverence of Jesus’ birth? To confuse the issue more for myself, I am Chinese. I was not born a Christian but to a culture of ancestor worship. Sometime and somewhere in my life, I saw Jesus on the cross. I followed that vision and was baptised in the Catholic Church. But I heard Buddha calling me also. I listened and liked what I heard.

I am confused but I don’t feel too bad about it. I’ve been listening to too many voices. I heard all their sayings and beliefs. Now, I know the best voice is my own. I’ve bathed in too many’s experiences and feelings. They are not my own. It’s time to shed them. Time to step into my own waters, my experiences and feelings. It is time to don my fineries and see how they fit. Will they wear well?

O Holy Night has been my favourite Christmas Carol since I was a little immigrant girl in Maidstone. It was before I was Catholic. I heard it sung by Susan, an older neighbour girl. She lived in the railroad station house across the highway from us. I thought her voice was heavenly. It was so pure and clear like that night. It is still my favourite. I love the beauty of the music and the lyrics. Whether or not I believe, it does not matter. How I celebrate or not does not matter as long as I am true to myself, as long as I am enjoying what I am doing and not hurting another.

 

MIRACLES

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It is March 22, 38 days into Lent.  My days in the desert are coming to an end.  What better time to talk about miracles than in these last days?

Did I ever tell you that I saw Jesus on the cross?  It was in my mind’s eye that I saw him.  I felt his ever loving arms surround me.  I felt his radiance.  I felt his warmth.  And I felt lost never more…me,  the ever lost shepherd.

I had lost the gift of my third eye for awhile.  I became lost again for awhile.  But in these days of Lent, I have found it again.  I breathed through my center, relaxing and letting everything go.  I found myself part of the cosmos.  I found the God in me.  I found my own divinity.

The world is with me.  The world is in me.  I have lost my stubbornness, my Chinese stiff neck.  I can see in all directions now.  I can see from both sides, from up and down – as Joni Mitchell would sing.  And yet I still don’t know life at all.  It is still a mystery, but I am open to all its miracles.

I do not have to know all the answers.  They will reveal themselves one by one.  I do not have to be perfect.  I can make mistakes.  Life is fluid.  Nothing stays the same. The universe is forever shifting, like the desert sand.