QUE SERA, SERA

IMG_6748The rains did come in the night after all and continued through the morning.  There was nothing to do but to live and enjoy the goodness it brings – beauty for the eyes,   captured and saved by the camera.

We were content, in acceptance this morning.  Well, I was my lassitude self for a little while, reluctant to get up as usual – no joie de vivre in my soul.  I only felt a darkness, like a brick wall – nowhere to go.  It was that staleness of jungle mouth and unbrushed teeth.

IMG_6736What do you do then, but to get up and rinse that staleness away.  You do it with movement and feigned good cheer.  It works some how and you breathe a little easier.  The wall is not so dense .  You can almost see around it, if not through it.  And there on the other side is Sheba – waiting so prettily for me in the morning light, looking pleased and at ease with herself.  That is how I should be.

A Doris Day song played in my head.  I heard the words this morning and I paid attention.

“Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be”

Que sera, sera.  The future is not ours to see.  The brick wall is a friend, after all.  We are not meant to live in the future but to be here and now.  No point in second guessing ourselves of what could have been and would have been – if only we….. Though I liken myself to Wonder Woman, I am not Super Woman.  I have no x-ray eyes.  I cannot see into the future.  I cannot change the past.

Good things happen.  Bad things happen.  Accidents happen.  I feel good.  I feel bad.  It is the kaleidoscope of life.  There are no free rides.  There is fire.  There is rain. James Taylor says it well.

“I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end.
I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, but I always thought that I’d see you again.”

IMG_5289There is hope – like a rainbow after the rain.  Hold on to it.  Chase it.  Run after it.  Don’t lose it.  Treasure life.

HOPING FOR CHANGE

I drank too much wine last night.  The intentions I set prior all went out the window and you could say that I have failed.  On top of that, I fell asleep early and woke up at 1:30 and could not get back to sleep till dawn.  But by 7, Sheba’s insistent snout in my face got me up again.  It was her breakfast time and there was no denying her.

I’m feeling a little out of sorts, not quite myself, seeing the world with slanted eyes, telling myself stories that are not quite true.  But I am not punishing myself any further.  I am going to tell myself a different set of stories , filling myself with kindness and comforting myself with a breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.  I do deserve it.

So I am making progress, one step at a time.  I have hoped and pined for changes in the past.  But I have failed over and over to realize those dreams, not recognizing till now that success is in me.  I have to be the change I want to see, as Mahatma Gandhi  wisely said.  Change is a lonely street, for no one can do it for you.  And people might not like you for it.

I am taking a deep breath.  And I tell myself another story.