NOTHING VENTURED, NOTHING GAINED

It is day 14 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’m living up to my slogan of getting up, dressing up and showing up. I have no business to promote or products to sell. I’ve had my dreams of being an entrepreneur, have you? Let me tell you about them. You’ve heard the one about being a writer. I guess I am one since I’m here tapping out the words. It hasn’t earned any pennies except the ones in my heart. Way back in time, I did invest quite a few pennies trying to sell Mary Kay products. Someone threw me a hook and I bit. I learned the hard and expensive way that I’m not a salesman and I hate selling. I also learned that I’m easily inspired and I’m a good catch. I lost $1500 in the venture.

I did gained in experience and knowledge about people and myself. I was valuable when I was being wooed into buying into the scheme. I had potential. A nurse had a good salary and lots of contacts. I can still see and hear the possibilities clicking in my area manager’s head – a second pink cadillac. But once in, the wooing abruptly stopped. They had little time to help me in establishing my business. They weren’t all like that. Another ‘consultant’ tried to take me under her wings. She was already a success as a Mary Kay consultant and fashion buyer for one of the department stores. Her husband had a small business in town. They were very generous in their help. I gave it a good try. I even took a Dale Carnegie Course to boost my confidence. But when selling tastes like taking medicine, I cut my losses and quit.

I could have tried returning the products but I didn’t. I should have only invested in $750 of inventory but the manager said you have to have the merchandise if you want to sell. That is true but not that much when I knew nothing about the business of selling. I ended up giving away what I could. I found out the people willing to accept them free had been reluctant in hosting parties to help me sell. I had a lot left – makeup for blondes, brunettes and black heads. They were a sore sight reminding me of my huge failure, I chuck them in the dumpster after quite a few years. I am a tenacious hanger on.

You think I would have learned my lesson. But I did tried another venture. It didn’t cost me much except in disappointment. I tried to have a plant sale. My bedding plants were beautiful, healthy and CHEAP. It was not that I failed miserably but that I was not supported. Only a few people came but not the ones who called me for their sales. Not the woman who had offered her husband to pick me up for her jewelry party. I had also spent $200 buying essential oils from her. The friends who valued my plants and friendship came and bought. They’re the ones that mattered. Now I only feel disappointed in my head but not my heart. I feel somewhat petty talking about it and that it still resides in me.

IT’S ALL ABOUT ME

Sometimes All the time I feel self possessed. I’m consumed with me, I and myself. It’s all about me. I wonder if it is a bad thing. Is it a selfish thing? Am I a narcissist? By definition it is “a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.” I think I’m disqualified because most of the time, I find myself lacking. I feel relieved. Yet I wonder why I’m not worthy of self admiration. Why do I feel ashamed or embarrassed to express the satisfaction with myself?

These are interesting times for me, entering the last stage of my life. You would think that after all this time, I would be more grown up, more confident, more knowing. But the only more I have lately are stuff, disappointment, anger and dissatisfaction with how I and life are. That’s not good at all, at all. I hate waking up in the morning with this sour taste in my mouth and my body heavy as lead. I plod through my days very efficiently nonetheless, almost with a smile on my face.

My saving grace is that I love a challenge. It is difficult for me to lie down for long and say uncle. I eventually rise, however slowly, like the Phoenix and is born again. I am tenacious, stubborn and obnoxious – but only to myself these days. I have learned a bit of wisdom through my addiction with self-help. DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY. What others think of me is none of my business. I got that now. I do take myself personally though. I have regard for my well being. I am learning to take care of myself first. I have to save myself first before I can help someone else. It’s just like they teach you on the airplane. Put the oxygen mask on yourself first. I MATTER. Darn tooting.

I’m feeling pretty fine today, having turned my thoughts around a bit. I woke up with an unusual spring to my step. I try not to let things get under my skin. I’m trying to grow a thicker layer. I’m trying not to be so serious all the time. But the thing is I like my serious side. I like to ponder on serious stuff. I stopped at the used book store on the way home from my aerobics class. It is my candy store. I bought Why People Don’t Heal and How They Can by Caroline Myss. I am a serious case and a self-help addict. But I am earnestly working on having fun. Really I am – even if it’s just on paper.

 

 

 

 

DISAPPOINTMENT – Day 161 in a year of…

Day 161, January 3, 2016 @7:11 pm

img_5140I have the grouchies with this cold weather. I wonder why my ancestors immigrated to this part of the country/world. Why not Australia or some other parts of the South Pacific? If it has to be America, why not San Francisco or Vancouver? No, there’s no point in wondering. We’re here in cold frigid Saskatchewan. Best to save my energy for coping. Would be easier if the weather was not so extreme – from melting to arctic temperatures overnight. But there’s nothing easy about this winter.

img_8897Okay, bitching over. I’m here on day 161 in my year of doing different. I’m inching forward each minute, each hour, each day. A drop in the bucket at a time will eventually fill it. Clearing one spot each day will create more space to do more. Changing one thing a day can create the domino effect.

I’m trying to be patient with my brush strokes. I gave my girl a different skintone – peaches and cream. Not liking it now but will let it sit. Not all changes are pleasing. Disappointment is not a bad thing. It leads to more changes. Tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a new day.