Tag Archives: desert

MIRACLES

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It is March 22, 38 days into Lent.  My days in the desert are coming to an end.  What better time to talk about miracles than in these last days?

Did I ever tell you that I saw Jesus on the cross?  It was in my mind’s eye that I saw him.  I felt his ever loving arms surround me.  I felt his radiance.  I felt his warmth.  And I felt lost never more…me,  the ever lost shepherd.

I had lost the gift of my third eye for awhile.  I became lost again for awhile.  But in these days of Lent, I have found it again.  I breathed through my center, relaxing and letting everything go.  I found myself part of the cosmos.  I found the God in me.  I found my own divinity.

The world is with me.  The world is in me.  I have lost my stubbornness, my Chinese stiff neck.  I can see in all directions now.  I can see from both sides, from up and down – as Joni Mitchell would sing.  And yet I still don’t know life at all.  It is still a mystery, but I am open to all its miracles.

I do not have to know all the answers.  They will reveal themselves one by one.  I do not have to be perfect.  I can make mistakes.  Life is fluid.  Nothing stays the same. The universe is forever shifting, like the desert sand.

SLEEPLESS IN THE DESERT

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We are 23 days into Lent.

I spent the night sleepless wandering in the desert.  Needless to say, I had no dreams nor visions.  Moses did not speak to me from the mountain.  No one came to lead me out, not even God.  The desert was very dry, no oasis in sight.

I did not panic.  I journeyed from where I was, the best that I could.  I remembered long time ago a classmate, new to the city, was crossing the street.  Half way across, the DON’T WALK sign came on.  She turned back, waited for the WALK sign and started again.  Guess what?  The same thing happened!  We laughed about it but it was a huge lesson for me, though it took some time for me to realize it.

We cannot always start afresh.  It is not always a good thing.  We have to start from where we are now, scarred, with heavy baggage and all.  And so, I did not fight my sleeplessness.  I try to use the time to put a few things in order, to look at things differently.   Then I just lay down, close my eyes.  I let everything be.

I did the best I could.  I put my hand over my heart and felt comforted.

GUIDED BY THE LIGHT

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IMG_5023In this third day of Lent, I truly feel as if I have been wandering and struggling in the desert.  My body hurts from yesterday’s snow shoveling.  Every muscle ache, every limb heavy and wooden.  Even my mind is numb.

But it is all good.  I am at peace.  My heart is not struggling.  My mind is not thinking.  It is not judging.  I accept people as they are.  I do not know what is in their hearts.  Sometimes I do not know what is in my own.  But I have this light inside that tells me if I live true to my values, true to my words, I cannot be harmed by anyone nor be touched by evil.

I will follow this little light of mine.  And I will let it shine.

INTO THE DESERT

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I celebrated Chinese New Year today.  There was no fireworks or dragon dances.  Well, not the traditional kinds anyways.  But there was plenty of other kinds of fire and nuances.

Mine is not what you would call a healthy workplace right now.  I feel like I’m walking on hot coals and breathing fire most days.  But today being a Sunday, I let out some steam.  A few of us did….a little blue language and some laughter at break time.  I’m not sure if it did any good for me.

I’m looking forward to Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent.  It is only two days away.  It will be good to enter the desert and wander silently through the barren landscape.  When I come out on the other side in 30 days, I hope I will have gained some peace and wisdom.