WITH THIS CUP – day 117 in a year of….

Day 117, November 19, 2016 @2:01 pm

img_8414I’m fortifying myself with a cup of rose hip tea before descending into the depths of the basement.  I am a chicken shit, scared of jacks in the boxes and things that go bump in the night.  I’m hoping this sweet amber elixir will infuse me with courage.  I gathered the hips at the lake at the end of summer.  The tea is very subtle and delicious.  I can taste the sunshine, spruce pine and the fresh breeze on my tongue.  I’m feeling the softening of anxiety in the drop of my shoulders, the smoothing of the crease between my brows.  I will be A ok.

I did small, small this morning.  I rid one small box.  It is not easy on a grey November day to stare into the debris of your life.  It is never easy but it has to be done.  Those scary Jacks in the box do not go away.  They never go away on their own.  I have to chase them out with a broom.  My goal is to clear them for the New Year.  It is Chinese custom to sweep the house clean for the coming year.  You do it before, never on.  It’s bad luck.  You might sweep out the good with the bad.

My tea is finished.  I am ready.

EVERY DAY HAS ITS CLOUD

IMG_0866The clouds can get to me.  Their shifting shadows feel ominous, giving me a sense of impending doom.  It feels as if someone is walking on my grave. I’m waiting for the shoe to drop.  It never has.

I’ve learned to live with this holding my breath, waiting for the shoe to drop – waiting to wake up from my free fall through space and hitting the ground.  I never have.  And so, I’m braver now.  I have wings and I can almost fly.  No heavy landing for me, thank you very much.

IMG_0876Still, the clouds can make my heart skip a beat at times.  But that is okay.  I flutter my wings a bit to calm it and carry on.  There’s early bike rides with Sheba trotting by my side.  She needs someone ahead to chase after or else she digs her heels in and say, No!  We ride when the sun shines or not.  I feel like a postman.

The sun is shining now.  It has been playing hide and seek with the clouds all day.  I am playing along with both of them.  Whatever works! The rain has made the ground nice and soft to dig.  It is a good opportunity to clean up my much neglected and overgrown perennial beds.

I’m hoping they will look better in a month or two.  Digging and clearing is good therapy.  I’m cleaning my inner space along with my outer space.