Tag Archives: Ash Wednesday

40 Days, 40 Nights

Posted on by
Reply

Today is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. I haven’t observe Lent for quite awhile now. Yesterday I was hit by a desire to go into the desert and see if I could find Jesus again. Lo and behold, I find that Lent starts today. I am not sure how I am going to spend the next 40 days and 40 nights. I have my own beliefs of the holy. I have my own way of prayers. All I know is that I have not felt the holy, the awe for such a long time. I miss it and feel lonely without it.

The world is such a strange place to me now. So much evil have come to light. We knew of them deep in our hearts before. It was easy, comfortable and safe not to acknowledge them. Now, there’s nowhere to hide. They are so awful I want to vomit. I want to shout and wail, How could they? Why? All that for power, money and sex? All that for ego? Who are we, these creatures that hurt and kill each other and ourselves?

I hope to find some peace and answers in the quiet of the desert. If not Jesus, maybe I will find my mother and my ancestors who can help me find some comfort. It’s come to me that I can spend these days cleaning within and without. It is said that cleanliness is next to holiness. I believe it. I have so much to tend to in these 40 days and nights.

MY NEIGHBOUR’S KEEPER

Posted on by
2

IMG_5013

Be the change you want to see.  -Mahatma Gandhi

I am once again struggling to be better than what I am.  I am trying hard, to rise above myself, not to go where I have gone before….in judgement, righteousness, anger.  This being Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent, I am setting on a new course, a new way of behaving.  I am being the light I want to see.

I see the snow from my neighbour’s garage heaped upon my garden.  Already I know that there will be flooding under my deck this spring without the extra helping.  I do feel a sense of resignation.  How many times have I already asked her not to help me out with her snow, even though she thinks she is doing me a favour?  But I see her hanyman on the roof and call out to him.  He would not acknowledge me till my second attempt, stating he will clean it up.

I was happy to hear that.  Sounded too easy.  It was too easy.  The cleanup was this.

IMG_5049

What to do?  I refuse to go to anger.  I have been there too many times already.  Each time I go there, I hurt myself more.  I poison myself more.  I reach into myself, remembering the first lesson from a Course in Miracles, and I say:

This pile of snow does not mean anything.  That house next door does not mean anything.  That person does not mean anything.  All these things does not mean anything.

My feelings of helplessness and resignation dissipate.  I see my neighbour’s face from my kitchen window.  She sees me.  Our eyes meet.  Her face is full of darkness.  I do not want to add to her darkness.  I do not want to feel her darkness.  I am not her keeper.

The snow will melt.  Maybe there will be flooding.  Maybe my foundation and basement flooring will get damaged again.  Those can be repaired.  Darkness in the soul cannot be so easily remedied.  Let me walk in light.

INTO THE DESERT

Posted on by
Reply

IMG_1793

I celebrated Chinese New Year today.  There was no fireworks or dragon dances.  Well, not the traditional kinds anyways.  But there was plenty of other kinds of fire and nuances.

Mine is not what you would call a healthy workplace right now.  I feel like I’m walking on hot coals and breathing fire most days.  But today being a Sunday, I let out some steam.  A few of us did….a little blue language and some laughter at break time.  I’m not sure if it did any good for me.

I’m looking forward to Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent.  It is only two days away.  It will be good to enter the desert and wander silently through the barren landscape.  When I come out on the other side in 30 days, I hope I will have gained some peace and wisdom.