TOOLS AND REMEDIES

I am one who seldom jumps out of bed with glee and is ready for the day. I roll slowly up and step cautiously onto the floor. I am aware of the stiffness of the hips and ache of my hands. I can’t say I have joy in my heart. I give a big slow sigh and head towards the bathroom. I come out feeling somewhat better seeing the morning sun. I stand before the living room window and watch a rabbit run across the neighbour’s yard across the street. Rabbits are now a common sight. It seems the city is now their home having been forced out of theirs. They are now our new immigrants.

I do my 4-7-8 breathing while I wait for the kettle to boil. I make my tea. I have been doing it for a month now. I have not felt huge changes but I have been sleeping well since. I have been able to go back to sleep easily after bathroom trips in the night. I use this technique for relaxation throughout the day. I’m one who habitually tenses and clenches my body with excitement and stress. It’s proving to be effective.

No two mornings are alike. The words would not come at the first bidding. How could they when my body was stiff and closed? I gave up the struggle and coaxed myself into my qigong routine instead. Sometimes I am most resistant to the thing I most need. Now my body is feeling more open and fluid. My fingers are flying across the keyboard. They are warm, pliant and ache-free. I have to remember this moment for future reference, for the next time obstacles arise.


It is now afternoon again. The sky is cloudy and the winds are blowing. I have the shivers, as if someone is walking across my grave. It is not foreign to me. I give it no importance. I do a cycle of 4-7-8 breathing, quelling fear and goose bumps. It’s hard to feel anything when you are breathing, holding it, breathing out and counting at the same time. It’s a good tool to have, especially when the weather changes constantly through the day. I might as be accepting of this changing patterns. It’s our new norm.

Now that I’ve caught my breath, I try not to let the afternoon blahs overwhelm me. I gather myself, doing the lunch dishes from noon, putting away the car keys in their dish,  and filing my papers from the bank. Doing and moving is soothing. The books I bought from McNally’s are still on the dining room table. The lettuce is picked, washed and spun into salads with hemp seeds and avocado. They await the rest of supper to be made. It’s time to call it a day. I’m sipping my chrysanthemum tea, a Chinese gal’s remedy for all ailments. So ends the 2nd day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

 

MUTTERINGS ON A RAINY DAY

Beginnings are damned hard! Look at how long we had to wait for the rain. There were days, weeks, months of possibilities of rain. It finally came today, our first real rain on this 20th day of June. We rushed onto the deck to witness and rejoice.

I feel somewhat akin to the dammed up sky, full of possibilites but unable to deliver. It’s a most uncomfortable and perplexing feeling. I’ve had days, weeks and maybe months of this. I hope I don’t have to wait till winter before I can unleash my whatever it is. It will be such a fury by then. I wonder if I’m a manic depressive. Hmm. Or it is just my ADHD symptons of trouble organizing and starting a task having a field day.

I’m trying to relax, gather and organize my thoughts so as not to waste time and energy going every which way. That is one of my handicaps. In between gaps here, I’ve vacuumed a couple of rooms and washed some Chinese broccoli for our lunch. My attention span is short and jerky. Doing some 4-7-8 breathing helps to relax and slow me down to concentrate better. The exercise has many other benefits of sleeping better, relieving anxiety and improving cardiovascular health. It takes only minutes in a day.

I have to make more of an effort in showing up here. I’ve said that a few times already, haven’t I? I know what to do but sometimes I can’t do it. I need a visual, physical written out agenda. That’s what this blog is for me, a roadmap, my GPS for my daily life. I need to get up, dress up, show up and tap here regularly for my mental and physical health. When I tap out my thoughts, wonderings, wishings, doings, it makes grooves and    pathways in my brain to guide me. They anchor and comfort me. I can see by the words, sentences and photos that I have not been idle and useless. I have been busy living my life as best as I can.

I’ve been feeling stuck, immobile, yucky and not getting anywhere. Sometimes feelings can be false and misleading. Somehow amidst all these feelings, I have put in a flower bed, a garden, raised vegetable beds, and a few flower pots here and there. The moral of the story is not to believe all your feelings. They can be your saboteurs.