About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.

RAINY DAY CHATTER

Posted on August 22, 2023 by hafong

These days I feel like we’ve reached the end of the line. We’re stuck in this mess we’ve created for ourselves. There’s no forward to go to. I feel there is no hope. Maybe it is just the rainy grey day chatter in my head. Once upon-a-not-so-long-ago, I remember going to bed eager for the next morning to dawn. That feeling is hard to come by now. But I am not the type of person who falls into a dark pit and stay there. I do complain. No, it is not complaining but rather voicing my discomforts. Isn’t that what is advocated – speaking your mind? Isn’t it better to bring things to light than to let them fester in the dark? If we know and can acknowledge what is amiss, maybe we can fix it.

I know that is the right route but it hasn’t always work out for me. Not everyone feels that way. Not everyone is ready to hear what is amiss. Doing the ‘right thing’ can be a lonesome road to travel. And I have been there many times on that lonely stretch of highway. There’s not a thing I could do but carry on. I’ve come to the end of the day. It hasn’t gotten better but it hasn’t been worse. The rain had been light but clouds and gloom persisted. Then it became night. The world feels cold and eery. I still carry, one foot in front of the other.

The world feels too heavy. I feel disconnected, disorganized and disfunctional. I did what I could. As always I console myself with tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow I will do better. I will look for that light at the end of the tunnel.

MORNING WRITING AND MUSING

Posted on August 20, 2023 by hafong

Writing is hard to do these days. I’ve been sitting on this one sentence for days now. I should know by now words don’t write themselves and conversations don’t start on their own. There has to be some initiative, effort, desire and work for success in anything. So here I sit, on this sunny Sunday, working to find some meaningful words.I shall take the morning to relax and explore my way back to them. Life lately has been a blur of gardening, harvesting and processing our crops. It’s hard to stop but I shall try.

I’m missing the sun of early summer days when the world was lit at 5ish in the morning. Now it is still dark at 6. At least we have bright clear sunshine today. No clouds or smoke and the sun is not a fiery red. It was a cool 6℃ out but the sun made it nice and warm in the sunroom. I was able to leave the blinds opened and watch the sun dance on the walls.

In the life before the Internet, Facebook and Intagram, my mornings usually start off with breakfast of toast and tea and listening to CBC radio. That was on my days off from work at the hospital. On my work days, I was up before 6. I would feed Sheba (my dog) and then take her out for a walk. I did not have breakfast but make a big mug of tea and head out for work at 7 for my 7:30 shift. I would have breakfast on my morning coffee break. Thinking about it now, I wonder if I could skip the morning scrolling on my devices and listen to the radio instead. I’m tired of being bombarded by courses to improve myself and my life. What instead of reading about it, I just do the work?

Meanwhile, I am working hard with my growing spaces. I’m learning by doing, experimenting, making mistakes, etc. What if I apply that to other areas of my life? What if I just do the work instead of collecting data on how to? I’m opened to being surprised.

IN BLACK AND WHITE

Posted on August 12, 2023 by hafong

I really should go to bed but I am here, tapping out a few words and thoughts. I really shouldn’t be enjoying a cup of tea. I’ll be up to the bathroom a few times during the night. But I am thirsty and seeking a bit of comfort. It’s goiji berry tea. I’ll be good for me. In times past, Sheba always kept company with me. My fur baby’s been gone for 3 years now. I have to wing these times on my own, without her soft animal body close by.

Life, I should really say I feels strange these days. It’s a sense of detachment, unachored and maybe a little unhinged. It feels like being underwater. There’s no sound. No one can hear or see me. It’s like the sound of one hand clapping. So I come here to be seen and heard, to put my thoughts and feelings down in black and white.

Perhaps I’m feeling melancholic after reading Doris Lessing’s The Grass is Singing. I’m identifying with the female character, Mary and her tragic life. Though it is set in Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe), it could easily have been in my small Saskatchewan hometown. Our lives were small and limited. I have more sense of it now than before. I’m not sure if it’s true or not but it does make me sad. It will pass when the book fades from my body’s memory. Sad is not always bad. It is restful.

Now I can take myself to bed. My tea is finished. I’ve put away a few things so I can have a good start in the morning. I have to pay bills, bake bread and clean house. Those are my priorities. Then I need to make a trip to our community garden. Someone has been stealing our carrots! Why do people do that?

THERE’S ALWAYS TOMATOES, BEANS AND TOMORROW

Posted on August 9, 2023 by hafong

I haven’t made too much progress with life. I am still mired up to my eyeballs with things to do. August is a month of bounty. Our gardens are in full production. A casual stroll through the home garden and greenhouse can yield a bucket of tomatoes, cucumbers, bitter melons and peppers. A trip to our city allotment could bring back pails of beans. Thankful that the peas are done and processed. I’m happy that the snow peas at our community garden plot are also done. I still have a batch in the fridge to process.

I’m really not complaining. Having this much produce is a good problem. But I am feeling a little squished for energy. I don’t have much time to sit and contemplate my navel. There’s not much time for reading . It is all very good. I do have purpose. The house is a mess. The dining room table is full odds and ends and tomatoes waiting to be sauced or eaten. It’s nothing to feel stressed and bad about. I do the things with deadlines. I stop worrying about the rest. I don’t have time to be bored or depressed. If I do, there’s always tomatoes and beans to be processed. And of course, there’s always tomorrow.

It is well into the evening and time for bed. But it is good for my mental health to make a little time to capture some thoughts and feelings. It is a little rest and time to inhale, exhale and say good night. Sweet dreams.

HOW IT IS

Posted on August 7, 2023 by hafong

It seems I’ve been absent from here for many a days. Time seems to slip away faster and faster, like at the end of a toilet paper roll. I get a lot of things done but I can’t seem to get organized or set priorities. Life seems like a huge jumble mess – much like my dining room table. I haven’t changed much. Every evening before bed I vow to do better the next day because the end of the day is not a good time to start anything. So far it hasn’t worked out. It is not going to work out. So here I am, in late evening, starting, changing and hoping for some success.

I’ve already had a small measure of it. I’ve paid 2 bills that are due tomorrow. It wasn’t so hard. It didn’t take long. It takes longer and is more complicated thinking about them. That is something to remember. Just do it. Now that I’ve done it, I feel better and can go to bed. I’ve made a change and a new start. Tomorrow is another day.

UBC – WRAP UP

Posted on July 31, 2023 by hafong

Contrary to my vow of trying to show up every day for the last week of this challenge, I fell completely off the wagon. I came back to wrap up. Life got super busy and I had to change goals and priorities. My green thumb has gotten greener. I’ve become very, almost too successful at growing food. With the crazy heat this year, the harvest has been earlier and more bountiful. I’m very grateful we’ve had very timely rainfalls and an adequate budget to afford city water when there isn’t.

I’ve been busy processing peas and beans for storage. Tomorrow the guy is going to our north garden to harvest more beans. I’m thankful we have a cooler in the garage to keep the produce. Speaking of which, there’s a big bucket of apples waiting there to be juiced. I’m almost happy that the grapes aren’t that plentiful this year. Otherwise, there’ll be more work. I’m not complaining. I am very happy and grateful that we can grow this amount of food.

I am tired and had to cut back on some things to have some down time. There’s will lots and lots of gardening, harvesting and prepping to do. But I have been paying attention to some of the going ons of the challenge. Congrats to all who participated. You’ve all done very well. I admired very much how co-operative, kind and courteous everyone was. It was a pleasure to see.

UBC Day 23 – Sunday Vibes

Posted on July 23, 2023 by hafong

If Sunday is suppose to be a day of rest, I didn’t get any. Not that I am complaining. I am enjoying this burst of energy while it lasts. Perhaps it’s the sun. Perhaps it’s the heat. Wherever it came from, I’m grateful and making good use of it. I hope it will last for a good while.

Being Sunday, it was a sourdough pancake breakfast to start the day off. Then it was out in the garden harvesting a little of this and a little of that. It turned out to be quite alot by the time I was finished – lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber, bitter melons, raspberries and strawberries. Since I was still pumped, I thought I better head over to our community garden, harvest the snowpeas and water the plot. It was still relatively cool with a promise of a high of 29℃.

Our community garden plot is performing well. The snowpeas have done amazingly well. I’ve been harvesting every other day and they are still coming. I’ve been unable to grow them at home because of the birds. They love them, too. They get eaten as soon as the seeds germinate and poke their heads out of the ground. Same goes for beets. I do not know why the birds don’t go after them away from home dwellings.

Sundays I have coffee with my mother and help her with a little vacuuming. She’s more frail this year but is still fiercely independent. I have to be ok with what little she will let me do. She’s not able to do much gardening this summer but likes to have her morning walk in the yard. She uses her long handled weeder as a cane to walk and weed as well. She is slow but steady. The yard is immaculate. My brother is the gardener now, as well as mowing and watering the lawn.

It was a very nice day. I felt happy and relaxed, satisfied with myself. Walking home from my mother’s I saw my yard from a passerby’s vantage point. It was very beautiful in dappled sunlight . I caught my breath and couldn’t help but tarry and linger amid the lilies awhile before going in.

UBC Day 21 & 22 – No Magic

Posted on July 22, 2023 by hafong

I’m counting down the days to the end of this writing challenge. 10 days left. I am going to make a concerted effort to show up each of these days. I can hope for some magic that can make my words flow. I know there is none. It is just hard work, sitting my ass in the chair in front of my keyboard and tap.

Going to my exercise class yesterday and having coffee with my classmates afterward must have put some pep in me. I was ready to tackle the day by 8 am. I did a few quick stretches and I was out the door to tackle my project in the front yard – ridding the creeping bellflower. My sister had introduced it to me, giving me a few that she had started from seeds. I’m always in favour of beautiful ground covers. When she discovered that it was very invasive, she got rid of hers right away. Not me, though. I thought how bad could it be? Now many years later, I know they are very, very bad. They are everywhere, harder to rid of than my paper clutter.

I haven’t let them overwhelm me. I haven’t thrown in the towel. Last year I got very, very serious. I laid down newpaper and cardboard. Then grass clippings, leaves, sawdust and whatever I have on hand. I started with one side of the yard and have expanded the area, little by little. It’s not looking pretty but it’s not looking bad, either. It’s interesting, a yard in transition – a conversation piece. I’ve put in 2 and a half hours this morning. It was hard and sweaty work. By year 4, I am pretty confident I will have them bellflowers in check. Have a look and see what you think.

year 2 of mulching with cardboard and sawdust

UBC Day 19 & 20 – Focus – Note to Self

Posted on July 21, 2023 by hafong

The words for today’s post are focus and note to self. They are prompts from the Daisy Yellow Index Card a Day Challenge. They are very appropriate words for me to work on. My mind and brain are totally out of focus. I have no sense of direction, planning. I live by the seat of my pants. I get lost every day. I still get by very well because I am a highly functional disfunctional person.

I’m living up to my own self analysis. It is July 21 and I am still working on finishing this post from yesterday. It is not that I am a lazy person, though I have lazy moments. When I don’t have a plan or outline for a post, things don’t always flow and I stutter and hiccough. Rather than sitting stuck, I get up and tend to other things. The other thing that came along was 4 pails of peas crying to be shelled. That took up a whole afternoon. By the end, my fingers were stiff and sore. AND it was time to make supper. I think these are good reasons to get sidetracked.

After supper I am too tired to take up the keyboard. Sometimes I have to choose my battles and decide what is more important. I chose some relaxation but made a note to myself to finish this post today, blanch and freeze the shelled peas and go to my exercise class. I am happy to say now that I have succeeded in all three. I am a happy camper.

UBC Day 18 – The Meanness of Strangers

Posted on July 18, 2023 by hafong

It rained last night. We were busy this morning emptying the water from the 2 large tubs used to catch the runoffs from the garage. If we are not quick enough, the neighbour will empty it out onto the back alley. We have a small patch of potatoes right by the tub, where she could empty the water. She doesn’t. It’s just plain meanness pouring it out into the alley.

She is a stranger even though I’ve lived next to her for 15 years or so. I also find her strange. One of the first advice people would give me is to communicate and get to know her. But that is the worst thing that I could do – trying to engage. I’ve learned that after years of such mistakes. And of course, some people think that it is I, who is the problem. It’s a double hurt but it has taught me something about people. I’m reminded to listen first, without judgement. It taught me to just listen and not blame the speaker.

I did some transplanting in my flower bed at the front of the house after emptying the water tubs. I’ve been lucky and timely. Right after that, it started raining again – on and off for most of today. I’ve emptied the tubs again just now. I’ve filled all the pails and started putting the water into our raised garden beds. My Roma tomatoes are already loving it. They’ve perked up, unfurling their curled leaves. Water is valuable. Nothing grows/thrives without it, including ourselves. It rankles me to see my neighbour purposely throwing it away because she doesn’t like me or the way I garden and landscape my yard.

I try not to hold her in my thoughts because it is toxic. And I try not to speak of her for the same reason. But when it rains and there’s water to catch, I can’t help acknowledging her into my consciousness. I acknowledge, accept, move the water, let her go and lock the gate. Life is short. Meanness is bad. I have no time for it.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

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