Tag Archives: wants

IN AND OUT OF THE WOODS

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IMG_1262I’m back from the woods again. I can feel the vibrations of busyness as I enter the city limits – the hum of electricity and traffic. I can smell the aroma of fast food and concrete along Idylwyld Drive. The quiet and coolness of the woods are left far behind – along with the sweet scent of spruce pine needles.

Still, I am happy to be amid all of this.  It is good to feel the life force that drives the city. It ables me to appreciate the serenity of the country.  In its quietness, Sheba’s excited bark cuts and reverberates through the air as she chases squirrels up the trees. There is no sweeter sound than the quiet.

I can be happy in or out of the woods.  Too much of either makes me sing the blues. Life can get equally crazy and unbalanced out in the ‘wilderness’ as well as in the city. The big ‘cabins’ with their satellite dishes, green lawns, boats moored at the ends of long docks, etc. give testimony that the simple life is not so simple.  They are extensions. It is hard impossible to get away from all the stuff – the wants gnawing inside ourselves.

IMG_6846Am I any different?  I like to think so.  Maybe I am naive, unwilling to admit to my own cravings.  I am just human after all.  I am not immune.  It is good to ‘get away’, back home to familiarity, to sit and let things be, to be grounded, to tend to my inner as well as my outer garden – to care for my ‘self’. I am loving and honouring myself as Sandra Ingerman advises in her September Transmutation Newsletter. 

IMG_1178I am happy and content to be here in this moment.  Happiness is portable.  It travels with me – in and out of the woods.  I am cleaning and weeding my inner and outer world.  It is so exciting.  I tap, tap like a woodpecker on my keyboard.  The empty screen fills with my words, thoughts and pictures.  Amazing! I see the building of my life story before my eyes. My hands are my tools.

Life is good in or out of the woods.  Where are you now?

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WANTS, WISHES AND DEEDS

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It’s Saturday and the weather is oh, so fine.  The floor is finally vacuumed and washed.  I am sitting here, empty of words.  I am flexing my fingers and wiggling my toes.  I am trying, giving it a go.

I always go to bed full of resolve – of doing this, doing that.  But in the morning, I am deflated, not feeling up to par.  So then, I feel guilty.  I give myself a silent talk, trying to drum up some energy.

IMG_0978I took Sheba out right after breakfast.  We did a little fast walking/slow jogging.  The sun was shining, the air fragrant with blossoms.  The streets were silent, devoid of traffic and people.  It was the weekend.  People were away or sleeping in, I guess.  I shouldn’t feel bad about being laxidaisydo (my made up word for my lazy condition).    I scolded myself for this obsession of wanting – wanting to do so much, but not doing it at all.

I wonder how many of us have this modern affliction/obsession of wanting and doing.  Can I/we not be satisfied with being – being still, being in the moment, doing one thing at a time?  I probably would be able to accomplish more goals – turning my wants to deeds instead of wishes.  I bet I would be more peaceful and happy, too.

I’ve found a few words after all.  Not great gems but they have some value.  Maybe they’re greater than I think.

THE GHOST OF CHRISTMASES PAST

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Last night I heard the first of July fireworks through our bedroom window.  I felt a little left out, like Cinderella leaving the ball early, losing her glass slipper in her hurry.  It reminded me of all the Dominion Day celebrations of my childhood – of being left out.  I was that child, face pressed against the window, outside looking in.

July 1st would find most everyone down at the Maidstone Sports Grounds.  I never did know what the celebrations involved.  If it was not a Sunday, our cafe was opened.  Even if it was not, it was unlikely my father would take the family.  My mother knew no English then.  We were not part of the community socially.  We had the cafe.

Isn’t it funny how these feelings of want linger on?  They come out still, years down the road.  That child in me has never gone away.  It’s not that I don’t like special days or celebrations.  I know I am suppose to but I never knew how.  So I am uncomfortable with the unfamiliar.

charley brown xmasBeing immigrants, we did not celebrate the same occasions or in the same ways as everyone else in our small town of 600 people.   We did not exchange presents at Christmas, but we did have a Charley Brown kind of tree one year.  I thought that it was because we were poor.  We did not have birthday parties nor presents.  Instead, my mother made us a special treat for a meal.  Christmases and birthdays enhanced my feeling of being left out and being different.

Being different is something I value now, but not then.   The left out feelings are faded, though they still reared their ugly heads now and again.  At least now I understand their source.  I try to be a little kinder to that little immigrant child in me.  I try not to blame my parents for any lack.

They did the best they knew how.  We never went hungry.  They gave us a good education.  We grew up, became adults with successful careers and productive lives.

IMG_1248Now we do celebrate Christmases and birthdays with all the trimmings like everyone else.  And I wish for simpler ways.  How age change one’s perspective!  Now that I can fulfill whatever want that I thought  was missing, I have no want.