I’ve been wrestling with my sewing machine for most of this cold morning. I’ve been wrestling with my soul along with my Bernina. I have such a huge guilt complex. I feel I have no sense of discernment. I lack social and relationship skills. I still feel that everything is my fault. It is hard to get a good night’s sleep or a peaceful morning. I should really learn to put up boundaries and a stopwatch on how long to ruminate. This is sapping the life out of me.

Still, I can look at these moments of worrying and fretting as tools of transformation. If everything was smooth as ice, I could just glide along without care. There would be no need for thought or self examination. These prolonged periods of suffering are hammering in the fact that I have to change. I am a slow learner. Pain is a powerful crowbar to open me up, to see what makes me to tick and what needs fixing.

I have fixed my sewing machine problem. I’ve watched numerous YouTube videos on how to unstick a stuck bobbin. I spent an hour and none of them worked. In desperation, I stuck my little screwdriver along the inside edge of the bobbin case instead of the little hole in the back. Lo and behold, it worked! Nevertheless, Bernina Jeff makes very good videos. I wonder where is a good place to crowbar me.