I’ve done my income tax and I get a refund. It’s a good reason to sing Hallelujah with K. D. Lang. It’s my favourite rendition of Leonard Cohen’s song. K. D. in barefeet and no ads on the video either. What a treat! I want to do a Lia hallelujah pumping my arms. Hallelujah, hallelujah!
I like to do another rendition of her when time permits. My tax return has been sitting heavy on me for the last month or so. That’s the whole trouble. I allowed it to sit on me, weighing me down, gnawing on me. I couldn’t or didn’t want to do anything until time was running out. I was frozen with dread and procrastination.
The weight is lifted. I am left with a headache. I hope I can learn from this and get my act together. I have a pile of paper crap to sort, shred and rid. I will not say never again. It didn’t work many times before. Saying it will not help. I will save my breath and try something else – another day. I’m keeping it simple on day 25 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.
A beautiful sunny April 23 morning to you. I’m looking down the last week of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’ve been successful in showing up almost every day, having missed just once. Coming to the keyboard early in the day makes the words flow better. My mind is still relatively fresh, not corrupted by the events, thoughts and feelings accumulated through the day. Writing about things that I am familiar with and passionate about makes it that much easier.
My head and thoughts are still on The Woman in Gold, the movie about Maria Altmann, an elderly Jewish refugee living in Los Angeles. She was 82 when she embarked on recovering her family’s paintings by Gustav Klimt. They were stolen by the Nazis during WW11. Two of them were portraits of her aunt, Adele Bloch-Bauer. Though the odds were against her, she did win. The movie was a great interest to me because of the history and the art.
It reminds me about my family’s journey out of China. I was 6 at the time. My paternal grandfather and father were already in Canada then. When we(my grandmother, uncles, my mother and I) left China for Hong Kong, there was no thoughts of us not returning home. All our worldly possessions were left behind. These included all the gold jewellry in my mother’s dowry, gold gifts on my birth plus my grandmother’s gold were left behind in the safe keeping of our relatives. My grandmother had always wanted to return to the house my grandfather had built for us.
Life got in the way. We never went back to China. We ended up in Canada. Our relatives kept and spent what we left behind. Now they have immigrated to the U.S. They have visited us a few summers ago. My cousin’s wife talked to my mother about how beautiful her jewellry were. I think they still have some of it but did not offer to give any back to her, not even the gold hairpin she described so vividly. My mother didn’t ask for any.
It was always my dream to visit our village one day. I got as far as Hong Kong and a bus ride away. It was not to be. I was there at the wrong time of the year, when everyone was going back and I couldn’t get a bus. Then I had plans on another time. Politics got in the way. Now, I do not have any interest. Sometimes you just can’t go home again.
Day 22 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I got sidetracked by Gia Carangi’s story enroute here. What a sad tale about a beautiful woman who had it all in a couple years and to lose it all equally fast. Then to die of AIDS at age 26. It sucked the energy right out of me. I could have done without the story. I am so easily sidetracked. I am so human. Not much will power today.
But if I was having coffee with my mother, her stories would be more uplifting even if they were sad. I never get tired of her stories no matter how many times I have heard them. I’ve learned alot about our family’s and China’s history from her stories. There were stories of hardships during the Japanese invasion. Then there were the times of Mao’s communism when my grandfather escaped with his life to Hong Kong. My grandmother was arrested and jailed in his place. Too many stories of that time to recount here today. My mother and her siblings always talk about those times whenever we visited them in New York City.
my grandfathermy grandmother
She has happy stories, too, of them growing up. There were 7 of them. My aunt was the oldest, followed by 3 brothers, then my mother and then 2 more brothers. I think that my aunt had the best childhood, being in peace time and no wars. She had more schooling. My mother was not so lucky. She loved school but only got to grade 3 because of the Japanese invasion. My grandfather was a teacher and principal of the school. He was also the mayor of the village. Because of that some people who were jealous accused him of corruption when the opportunity came.
When my grandmother was dying, she was angry with him. Because of his work, she had to suffer. I think she was 71. She had lung cancer. She and my grandfather were in New York then. I missed the funeral. I was in Saskatoon going to university. My mother said the funeral procession was very long.
I’m looking at a bright and shiny Sunday April 21 morning. It is -2℃ outside and 7.3℃ in the greenhouse. My head feels pretty clear. I’m tackling the day before it’s gets messed up with useless crap from scrolling. I have already wasted time on Youtube watching to see who is the love of Brad Pitt’s life. It was a trap. It never said, just went on and on with the parade of women.
I am often lured by such tricks. Such is my curiosity about such things. I’m finally asking myself the question WHY? Why do I have to get to the bottom of things? What is the payoff? So what if I know the answer? I’m finally wise enough to know that mostly it doesn’t matter a squat. Knowing will not enhance my life. And sometimes/most of the time, there are no bottoms to get to. Quit wasting my time. It’s better to live my life instead of wondering about other people’s.
Yesterday, I started the arduous task of tending to this one life that I have. There’s so much of it tied up in paper. I have been gathering and shovelling them into my file cabinet. Others I have just left on my desk, gathering dust. A recent death of a colleague/friend touched my heart and mind, reminding me that life is a business that I must look after. Though afraid, I opened the cabinet door and envelopes and looked within. After an hour, I was left exhausted and with a headache. More to do today and the day after and after. Feeling not quite so afraid.
A cool but sunny morning. I couldn’t get my early morning fix in the greenhouse. The door was frozen. No way it would budge. I had to wait a couple of hours for it to warm up from 5+℃ to 10+℃ before I could get in. Everything is hunky dory in there. And in a short time the temperature went up to 10.5℃.
Talking about hunky dory, some people might not know what I’m talking about, especially the younger crowd. Hmmm. I’m aging myself. I was surprised that my nephews didn’t know what going to the biffy meant. (bathroom) So I was greatly amused to read a friend’s post on FB about this. I have to share it.
No wonder generations don’t understand each other: Heavens to Mergatroyd! The other day a not so elderly (I say 75) lady said something to her son about driving a Jalopy; and he looked at her and said, “What the heck is a Jalopy?” He had never heard of the word jalopy! She knew she was old …But not that old. Well, I hope you are Hunky Dory when you read this and chuckle. About a month ago, I illuminated some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology. These phrases included: Don’t touch that dial; Carbon copy; You sound like a broken record; and Hung out to dry. Back in the olden days we had a lot of moxie . We’d put on our best bib and tucker, to straighten up and fly right. Heavens to Betsy! Gee whillikers! Jumping Jehoshaphat! Holy Moley! We were in like Flynn and living the life of Riley ; and even a regular guy couldn’t accuse us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill. Not for all the tea in China! Back in the olden days, life used to be swell, but when’s the last time anything was swell? Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys and the D.A.; of spats, knickers, fedoras, poodle skirts, saddle shoes, and pedal pushers. Oh, my aching back! Kilroy was here, but he isn’t anymore. We wake up from what surely has been just a short nap, and before we can say, “Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle!” Or, “This is a fine kettle of fish!” We discover that the words we grew up with, the words that seemed omnipresent, as oxygen, have vanished with scarcely a notice from our tongues and our pens and our keyboards. Poof, go the words of our youth. Where have all those great phrases gone? Long gone: Pshaw, The milkman did it. Hey! It’s your nickel. Don’t forget to pull the chain. Knee high to a grasshopper. Well, Fiddlesticks! Going like sixty. I’ll see you in the funny papers. Don’t take any wooden nickels. Wake up and smell the roses. It turns out there are more of these lost words and expressions than Carter has liver pills. This can be disturbing stuff! (Carter’s Little Liver Pills are gone too!) Leaves us to wonder where Superman will find a phone booth. See ya later, alligator! After a while crocodile. Oki-Doki artichokey
So how’s everybody on this fine Saturday morning? 10 days left for the Ultimate Blog Challenge. 10 days left to do my taxes. Yike!
The snow has finally stopped. The sun is making a showing. The greenhouse stayed above 0, the lowest temperature being 5.6℃. I can breathe a sigh of relief. The thought of losing all the seedlings was a bit distressing. I think that’s all behind me now. The greenhouse is now sitting at 22.8℃. The top vents have opened a little. I took in 2 pails of snow to melt.
Today I’m working on keeping a beginner’s mind. What the heck is that? you might query. It is to look at something or situation as if for the first time. For me, it is having an open or no mind, having no judgement and bringing no past feelings and experiences to the present moment. It is a very hard concept to understand first and then to practice it. I will probably fail many times. Then have to try and try again many times. I succeeded today, thus saving myself some misery. The effort was very worth it.
It helps to think of a beginner’s mind as a child’s mind. Children don’t have any expectations, preconceived notions, or past experiences to limit their view of a situation. They also have endless curiosity towards something new and are open and eager to learn. They are opened to a world of possibilities. I like to watch them at play. They teach me alot about being in the moment and making a concerted effort.
When I woke up this morning it was still snowing and the wind still blowing. It is still. The snow is piled up against the greenhouse door again. The two pails of snow I took in yesterday did not amount to much when melted. All is cosy inside, the roof being insulated with the cover of snow. The little heater is running. The temperature barely 6℃. Being no sun yesterday there was no residual heat built up to help the heater. As long as it’s above 0 that is good enough.
While not feeling stressed, I am not exactly ecstatic or joyful. I wonder how the plants are feeling in these times of climatic change. I will pay close attention. They might teach me the art of resilience by how they grow and perform. It will give me a sense of purpose in observing and helping them to thrive. We are all connected. We need plants as much as we need other people to survive. It’s a symbiotic relationship.
I’m deciding what to do with my #100dayproject – of a daily painting for 100 days. I’ve done up to day 58. I’m tired and not so enthused any more. I feel I’m regressing, my colours muddy. Perhaps it’s fatigue talking. I can paint simpler things. I can also take longer. I can also quit if it doesn’t bring me joy. That’s what Marie Kondo would say.
I am still surviving the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’m learning changing the time I come to the keyboard makes a difference.
Beginning is the toughest thing to do. There are many things I want and need to do but how do I start? Often I am overwhelmed with indecision. I waste much time fiddling and twiddling, pacing and drinking tea. It’s a habit hard to fix. I have had it for so long that it is woven into my very fabric. I am not a planner. I live by the seat of my pants. I have no concrete plans for anything.
Perhaps I could make some changes to make life easier. I’ve done well so far winging it but I could do better if I sit down and write down whatever it is I want. Then break it down in simple small steps on how to get there. That would be a plan. We’re halfway through the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I can start working on making plans for the second half. I found a few famous quotes to inspire me.
“It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan.” – Eleanor Roosevelt.
“By Failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” – Benjamin Franklin
Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.” – Abraham Lincoln
“If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll end up someplace else.” – Yogi Berra
The more time you spend contemplating what you should have done…you lose valuable time planning what you can and will do.” – Lil Wayne
How I do start the day is always with my morning tea. I used to meditate with 20 minutes of sitting meditation with Mark Williams on Youtube. I’ve given that up and play Wordle and Spelling Bee instead. My brain wants to busy. It feels wasteful doing nothing. I’m not sure it’s a good thing. At least I am not subscribing to play so the time is very short. I guess I do have a mental plan of limiting myself.
It’s another Wordless Wednesday in the blog world. Wish I have some fantastic photos. It would save labouring to get the words out. Alas! My yen for photo shots disappeared sometimes this year. Where it went I do not know. I hope it comes back. I miss the pleasure it gave me. The most recent pleasure that registered with me was getting my new Cosori electric kettle. I love getting a fast cup of hot water for my tea.
I’m not in any bad way or mood. The day is rather overcast and windy. The greenhouse vents hardly opened at all today. The guy had the automatic openers installed yesterday. They save me from trotting back and forth to open and close the vents. I hadn’t minded the exercise but I don’t miss it either. I used the saved energy in sorting out my seed piles. I hang on to everything, very old, old and not so old. The mess was making my head crazy. I had to sit down to sort and discard. Still have alot to sort but making some progress. My head doesn’t feel quite hairy.
I found some seeds I ordered last year but haven’t opened. They are now and seeded. I’m looking forward to some catnip and sesame. I hope I won’t attract all the neighbourhood cats. My sister says that her cat and the neighbour’s cat really love her catnip. She has it in a planter on her deck. Her cat rolls her head in it and the neighbour’s cat tried to rip it out of the pot. Cat pot! I guess they get high on it.
I registered another pleasure just now. I see that the comfrey has germinated. Well, I see one green head poking through the soil. While comfrey has many uses, I am growing it to use as mulch for the garden and to make compost tea to enhance the health of the soil. I’ve learned all this from watching all those gardening videos on Youtube. You can learn just about anything on Youtube. Well, that is it, that is all for this 10th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.
Morning and I have risen. I had such high hopes that I could sit down and whip out a post for today’s Ultimate Blog Challenge. But no such luck. I’m stuck in the eclipse of my mind and yesterday. We didn’t see much of the eclipse here in Saskatchewan. It reached 41% at maximum and was gone in an hour.
Not having the proper eyewear, we did not look at the sun. We experienced the clouds. Because I’m such a weather vane, I was paying attention to see how the eclipse would affect me. I felt no noticeable effects most of the day until the sun came out full force in late afternoon. I was hit with a headache accompanied by a chill. A tylenol and glass of wine at supper eased my discomfort. I had a good night’s sleep.
Now it is 2 in the afternoon. In my stuck-for-words time, I had soaked 4 more kinds squash seeds. Time is getting away on me. I got too relaxed in my seeding planning. Now trying to catch up before it’s too late. I cannot afford to nor do I not want to waste time in being stuck. I try to do something else in the meantime. So in the meantime I’ve also painted my little creation for today’s #the100dayproject. I wasn’t super motivated but it required little effort in moving muddles of paint around. And voila – a picture. Looks like I painted mysel or how I felt!
onethousandandtwo 