Summer Time When Living not so Easy

It’s the 5th day of the UBC and July. I’m counting the days. I used to hate July when I was a child. July meant no school, nothing to do. In small town Saskatchewan, everyone seems to go away to the lake for the summer. Everyone, except us, the Chinese families who have a cafe. Now, in the big city of Saskatoon, everyone still seems to be away at the lake. That is except me and the guy. It’s by choice though.

We did the lake thing for a few years. It was new to me. It’s not that I didn’t like it BUT. We even had our own lake lot and trailer. Though I didn’t hate it, I was not enamoured with lake life. For one thing, it was a bit lonely. I didn’t fit in with the lake community, being a newbie to the scene. There was not a lot outdoor activity. You can only walk so much a day. Besides, the only people walking was me and my dog, Sheba. I didn’t see anyone biking. In fact, I didn’t see many people out and about. Where were they – in their powerful boats and big 4 season cabins?

I guess I’m a city girl even though I was born in a village in China. I remember a time of no electricity, no running water and outdoor toilets. How time flies and how we change. And how I digress. This is not at all what I mean to talk about! I meander and now it is July the 6th. I ran out of energy and failed to finish and post.


8 o’clock Sunday morning and the sun is shining bright. I look up and out the window. Two little birds are perched on the deck railing and one in the hanging basket – a lovely and cheery sight to start the day. My deck is another sight to behold. That was my big project yesterday. I was tired of the dust and dirt, all my seeding trays, containers, potting soil and what have you on it. Then there are our shoes that we never put away/rid off. I set my mind to at least cleaning it. So by gosh and darn, I did it. It is not perfect. I haven’t thrown out anything and it’s not all put away. But it is ordered enough there’s room to sit and to walk around. The big carpet is hosed off and drying a covered raised bed. The sky just clouded over. Oh, summer time when the living is not so easy.

energy

THE RHYTHM METHOD

The thing worse than having the blues is having the summer time blues.  You have no excuse for your feelings then.  There are all those upbeat songs about being happy like Mungo Jerry’s In the Summertime.  Even my downbeat feet beat time to the rhythm.

If you’re in the need of mellowing, Ella can soothe you with her crooning.

I would not advise listening to Janis Joplin. Not only are the fish jumping but so is my heart, from watching a little of her rendition.  Better leave that one for a brighter day and a more stable heart.  Be still, my heart!  Nothing can harm you.

The clouds have returned and I am feeling my heeby jeebies.  Nothing to worry about.  I am quite familiar with them.  We are old friends now.  I will breathe and have another cup of tea and tap out a few more words, if I can.  The piano is there waiting for me.  I have almost conquered My Heart Will Go On.  I am ready to tackle Fur Elise.  I don’t pick easy pieces, do I?

Learning to count and to keep time resets my heart and quiets my mind.  That’s why I like the tap, tapping of my keyboard.  It’s much like the steady rhythm of knitting needles. Click, click, click.  I’m killing several birds with one stone.  I’m not wasting time, tied in knots, huddled in fetal position or getting trouble with other people because I am not ‘feeling up to par’.  At the end of the day, I have something to show – a piece of writing, a scarf, learned a piece of music.  Not all in the same day, of course, but you know what I mean.

Cruise DinnerIt’s good that time does not stand still.  I have to move along and not wallow in old feelings and old memories.  Sometimes when I see old photos, I do want to hang onto my youthful self with all my might.  But you know how impossible that is.  So I give it up, remembering that I did not appreciate it at the time.  It is how it is.  You are always envying what you had.  It is our human nature.

I have come to appreciate my ‘down’ time.  I am a little more reflective and aware, not so caught up the usual.  It is the same with my sleepless episodes.  It is what happens.  I value the insights I get with my altered mental state.  Things are not clear and more clear at the same time.  I go Wow!  I tell myself not to stress myself so much the next time when I am blue or sleepless.  It is just the rhythm of life.  Learn from it if you can but do not beat yourself over it.