THE WHYS OF MY WRITING

Do you like to write? If you do, why?

I have this compulsion and obsession to write because I love words, the sound of them and the beauty they can create stringing them together. I love how the letters, words and sentences march across the screen as I sit here tap, tapping. I write often/all the time for comfort. I write for the sound of a friendly voice, my own. I write to find objectivity, clarity, wisdom and whatever comes up in the conversation. I write to find and love myself as this poem expresses so beautifully.

Love After Love – Derek Walcott

The time will come 
when, with elation 
you will greet yourself arriving 
at your own door, in your own mirror 
and each will smile at the other’s welcome, 

and say, sit here. Eat. 
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart 
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you 

all your life, whom you ignored 
for another, who knows you by heart. 
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, 

the photographs, the desperate notes, 
peel your own image from the mirror. 
Sit. Feast on your life.

I feel the need of comfort today. The wind blows and howls all day as if someone is suffering and crying. I feel the unease of someone walking over my grave. The sun and cloud vies for dominance, casting shifting shadows over the landscape. I hug myself for comfort. Really I would like to be in bed with the covers over my head. But I hear this voice saying, You can run but you can’t hide. So here I am, facing the music, tap, tapping away a bit of the fear. There’s nowhere to run.

 

SELF-LOVE – Day 274 in a year of…

Day 274 – April 28, 2017 @1:51 pm

I’m thinking about self-love. What does it mean to mean to love oneself? One thing I know for sure is that you don’t hurt yourself. But in real life, how many times do we sabatage ourselves – knowingly or unconsciously? It’s good to have this time here to give it some thought.

The day is really dreary and life has been difficult. I try not to feel sorry for myself. It would be harmful rather than helpful. I suck it up, knowing that it is the same for everyone. Not thinking I’m special is self-love. I move onward and forward. I go to my exercise class. I did not enjoy it. That is not a requirement. I still benefit from it. My mood and body are healthier for it.

I’ve dropped out of my history class – American Politics in the time of Trump. I rather have the time for myself. The class is very interesting and the professor is fabulous. My schedule is crammed and it is taxing to rush from one thing to another. I choose what is better for me – my exercise class. There is too much Trump all around already. Do I need more? I can pick it up at a later time. It’s for interest only.

So here I am, showing up again. Showing up is loving myself. It is wonderful that I have this time here. I am not worrying about my grammar, my tenses. I am just sharing my thoughts, what I am doing, my successes, my failures. We can benefit from each other. These are a few ways I’m loving myself.