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MY TAPPING SOLUTION

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Darn! It’s 10 pm and I’ve just sat down here. Where did the day go? I haven’t paid my bills like I was going to. I haven’t done a lot of things I set out to do. On top of that I feel like hell in a handbasket. I just made up that phrase but you must know what I mean. I feel like the pits. It’s not such a bad state. It’s better than feeling ‘depressed’. It carries some strength and action with it. I can move. I’m tapping furiously now. It’s a good thing. I don’t feel helpless.

Wonder Woman

I feel galvanized towards action. But I think I better cool it and just exercise my fingers tonight. There’s wisdom in silence and non action and certainly non violence. I can be a quiet peaceful Wonder Woman. I can put aside my golden lasso for the night. There are no bad hombres out there. Donald got the wall up. I can sit here quietly and tap my heart into a peaceful rhythm. I don’t want to throw any pvcs.

Life is really simple if I let it rest. It is not necessary for me to run interference. It’s not for me to solve the world’s problems. That’s not saying that I sit idly by watching someone drown if I can throw him a rope to safety. That doesn’t mean that I take him home after either. But I do have trouble letting go of the responsibility. I think a lot of women do.

I’m learning that part of life now. It’s not easy but it shouldn’t be that hard either. Having lived over sixty years, you think I would have learned some courage if not savy. Does that say anything about how I value myself? It’s a loaded question and it’s a little late in the evening. I still have to have my shower, brush my teeth and get myself into a zen state for sleep. I’ll have to leave it to the morrow for more profound thoughts on the question. So good night and good sleep. Worry not and let it rest till tomorrow.

MY TAPPING SOLUTION

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The dishes are done. The rhubarb crisp is in the oven and the pork roast is marinading. I’ve come to this space to tap out my angst and settle into good place. It might not be what Nick Ortner would call The Tapping Solution but it works well for me. I am finding the pressure points with my fingertips.

I’m having a little trouble settling in. The dog is barking. Someone is walking a dog by the window. A litany of barking and me yelling ensues. Okay. Everyone is quiet now. I sip my tea, frown, and tap. Not every tap is successful. That’s how it is but I’m sitting HERE. I’m setting priorities, dealing with issues, charting my progress.

I would like to think that I have made progress. Last night I came across THE WRITE MOOD – a journal for all your feelings, frenzies, rants and celebrations. It had different coloured pages – orange for rage, purple for passion, blue for blues, green for joyous jottings. I think I just wrote on page 1 and carried on. Glancing through, I sounded blue, and badly blue most of the time. As far back as 2007 but probably eons before that, I was writing about my messy, clutterbug self. I’m still at it though I don’t whine about the blues. Mostly they went away on their own feet. Feelings are not real, though they sure feel like it. They are not who I am.

 

The rhubarb crisp is done. I get up and the dog follows. Pitter patter. It’s like having a magnet attached to me.The crisp smells delicious. Looks good,too. Have to wait for the taste test. It doesn’t seem the worse leaving it half put together in the fridge and baking the next day. A consideration and note made of dividing labour into stages for other things in the future.

It’s a good day. I think I have my priorities. I got up, dressed up and went to my exercise class. I’m doing the things I set out to do. Well – my list is a mental one in my head. My reward system for showing up is putting a sticky strip (=$1) into my glass cannister each time I show up here. It was full of old alchol swabs that came home in my uniform pockets from work. I’ve finally dumped them. They were all dried out. I move at a snail’s pace but I AM moving. Hallelujah!