Darn! It’s 10 pm and I’ve just sat down here. Where did the day go? I haven’t paid my bills like I was going to. I haven’t done a lot of things I set out to do. On top of that I feel like hell in a handbasket. I just made up that phrase but you must know what I mean. I feel like the pits. It’s not such a bad state. It’s better than feeling ‘depressed’. It carries some strength and action with it. I can move. I’m tapping furiously now. It’s a good thing. I don’t feel helpless.
I feel galvanized towards action. But I think I better cool it and just exercise my fingers tonight. There’s wisdom in silence and non action and certainly non violence. I can be a quiet peaceful Wonder Woman. I can put aside my golden lasso for the night. There are no bad hombres out there. Donald got the wall up. I can sit here quietly and tap my heart into a peaceful rhythm. I don’t want to throw any pvcs.
Life is really simple if I let it rest. It is not necessary for me to run interference. It’s not for me to solve the world’s problems. That’s not saying that I sit idly by watching someone drown if I can throw him a rope to safety. That doesn’t mean that I take him home after either. But I do have trouble letting go of the responsibility. I think a lot of women do.
I’m learning that part of life now. It’s not easy but it shouldn’t be that hard either. Having lived over sixty years, you think I would have learned some courage if not savy. Does that say anything about how I value myself? It’s a loaded question and it’s a little late in the evening. I still have to have my shower, brush my teeth and get myself into a zen state for sleep. I’ll have to leave it to the morrow for more profound thoughts on the question. So good night and good sleep. Worry not and let it rest till tomorrow.