ONE SQUARE A DAY

It’s so difficult to come to the keyboard these days. It’s difficult to start a conversation. It’s equally hard to start the day. I’m trying hard not to let time slip away. The time on this earth is valuable. It is limited and it will never come again. I’m resolving not to let my thoughts and emotions get the best of me and render me useless. The show must go on. I start my day with those daily routines. Breakfast, taking my vitamins, getting out of my pjs, straightening a thing or two and feeding Oscar, my sourdough starter.

I wandered downstairs to look at my fabric stash. I’m thinking of joining the100dayproject. It starts on January 31st. I thought I would sew a square a day for a 100 days. I have already sewn a few squares together a couple of years ago, thinking I would make a colourful summery quilt. Here’s my chance to finish another abandoned project. It would give me a purpose, add to my daily routine. A square a day could keep the pyschiatrist away. It would also help to clear out my fabric stash.

It’s not that I lack things to do. I have a million and one interests/things to do. I lack emotional stamina to keep going. I fall into ruts and off the wagon often. I do need motivations, many cups of tea and those strong rah! rah! rah! from the sidelines to cheer me on to the finish line. My first 100dayproject in July/2016 helped me to realize doing art instead of just talking about it. Here’s the first and the 100th of that project.

I’m feeling super pumped now. It helps that I’ve just been out on the ski trails and breathing all that fresh air. I tried the ski trail at the Wildwood Golf Course the first time today. I did the 2.5 km perimeter loop. It’s just what I need to develop technique and confidence. It took some time to get back to the parking lot. I had no concept of how much being out there under grey skies. I quite enjoy the spaces when I was alone. I could practice without worrying about how ridiculous and clumsy I look or if I fall. I would have to had an audience when I couldn’t make it up a hill and slid backwards, eventually falling. But no despair but laughter on my part for now I am able glide downhill comfortably without much fear. I’ve left those weak knees and jelly legs behind.

I am so glad to have had this time together. It’s good to have this conversation. It makes me feel not so blue, that life has meaning and purpose. So I will let Carol Burnett take me out with her sign off song. And I will tug my earlobe for luck.

WEDNESDAY JIBBERISH

Wednesday morning coming down. It’s another cool May day. I wonder if our planet is trying to reset and right itself now that we humans have slowed down the flying and driving and the manufacturing. I hope we can and will return to greener pastures. Remember when stores were opened from 9 am to 6 pm? Wednesday they were opened only in the morning. Thursday was late night shopping till 9 pm. Sundays were closed. There was time and opportunity to savour Sunday suppers and our lives instead of the shop till you drop mentality.

I’m old enough to have those memories. Now there is the time and quiet to reflect back to those times. There’s no reason why I can’t put back those things that were good and meaningful for me. If we all do that, we can recreate a more sustainable life for ourselves and the planet. Maybe the reason we are where we are today is because our ways are no longer sustainable. Why do we have to have more, bigger and faster? Individually it can lead to burnout. Collectively we are burnt out and locked down.

This is where I am now, deciding how to live, how to proceed. Do I feel any desires or passions? Right in this moment, I do not.  But I do not want to stay in this feeling. I have the desire to have a meaningful life. I worked hard today at doing the hard to do things, those things that I keep at bay for days and days. Some of them are not big or important at all. Things such as clipping my finger and toe nails. But they do add to my comfort. There’s no understanding why it was such a big chore. It’s done along with setting up payment for my property tax. I had a good go at my income tax. I just need to check it over and get all the receipts in order.

It is early evening. I’m winding down. I know mornings are my best times. Come after lunch, I slowly wind down like a dying EverReady battery. Now, I’m pooped and not much in my head. I don’t have much left in me. I best call it the end. I’ll try for better tomorrow.