Tag Archives: loving oneself

HOW TO BE HAPPY FOR DUMMIES

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If I was able to come up with a one-fit-all post/formula for happiness, I bet I would get a lot of traffic and maybe money. Alas! This dummy does not have that ability. I’m just barely scratching the surface of it for myself – like a frustrated old hen.

How does one define happiness anyways? Is it just the absence of sadness, a full belly, clothes on the back and a roof over the head? I have it all except maybe I’m a tad sad now and then. I have bouts of dissatisfaction, anger, disappointment, pain, mental anguish….I am not sure if there is an end to my list. Does this disqualify me from the happy crowd? Then there’s my childlessness and, of course, grandchildrenless. And lack of a husband most of my life. Not that I have one now. I have what is called a ‘companion.’ Somehow I feel I lack the legitimacy and respect of being a mother or wife.

There are so many things that could exclude me from the happiness club. But I feel oddly at ease and peace with myself today doing the mundane business of living amid the chaos of clutter, dog hair and a dog padding behind me wherever I went. I feel almost like I was happy. I AM happy, come to think of it. I enjoy the simpleness and slowness of my life. I have no one to answer to or impress –  except myself now that I am an adult, a senior citizen on a pension. Once upon a time, that alone commands respect.

  1. I guess the number one in my Happiness Manual would be to respect myself.
  2. Be responsible for myself. It’s not possible for someone else to make me feel ‘happy’ or unhappy. They could give me some help but I would only accept the help that lift me up. I would turn down the others.
  3. My favourite is from Regina Brett’s God Never Blinks. No matter how I feel, get up, dress up and show up.
  4. I have a Sheba/pet/plant/something living. I take good loving care of them.
  5. Bake bread, make soup, and maybe learn how to cook like Jamie Oliver. I haven’t got that kind of patience – yet.
  6. Make art, music, sew, knit, crochet…I continue to learn something new creatively.
  7. I joined an aerobics/exercise class. I do yoga and qigong sometimes.
  8. I learnt how to swim and ride a bicyle. I did both when I was well passed adulthood. I started in the Absolute Terrified swim class. Took me a whole summer to learn how to float. I was in a bad depression, too. The other morning I swam 10 lengths in 15 minutes and then went to my step aerobics class. I can ride a bike but I still need more practice to feel comfortable.
  9. Read crime thrillers and scary books. They calm me and take me out of myself into a different world.
  10. I could go on and on. There are so many ways for us dummies to be happy if we give it some thought. Above all else, we can always love ourselves more. We don’t have to go shopping or a spa to do it. I just hug myself and the fur baby.
  11. Oh, one more. I try always to speak in the first person singular. It’s all about me.

How does your manual read?

 

REPLENISHING

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It’s day 4 of Reverb15.  Today’s prompt and image come from Kathleen Jowitt.  She writes:

As the year ends, and we look back at the joys, achievements and disappointments of the past twelve months, it’s worth taking some time to recognise what our efforts have demanded of us and where our resources have been depleted.

Whether you have spent 2015 bringing some long-cherished project to fruition or simply trying to keep your head above water, it’s likely that this has come at some cost to you.

How can you replenish your (physical, mental, spiritual and/or emotional) resources? What do you need most of all at this moment?

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I am sure many of us arrived in December feeling the weight of the past year heavy on our shoulders.  I know I have.  It is wonderful that I have this revue, Kat McNally’s Reverb, to unload that weight.  Musing and words have always been my way of breathing in and out.  I am breathing in and out as I tap, tap out my thoughts.  I am relaxing and talking to myself.  My words and thoughts are all about myself, so no worries.  I am laying no blames, giving no excuses.  Nothing personal, OK?

2015 was one hell of a struggle, treading and treading, trying to keep my head above water. I had a project or two.  The biggest one was trying to ‘fix’ myself.  I wasn’t good enough, kind enough, generous enough, ***enough.  Enough!  Right?  Why is it that I/we feel this way?  I am sure I am not alone in this.

I failed fixing myself.  Instead I ended up harming myself more. I discovered that I did not need ‘fixing’.  Coming through the trauma of unravelling, I saw what I need was to love myself – MORE.

I am doing that – learning to love myself slowly and steadily.  New habits are difficult to learn, even loving oneself.  So I take it easy with the ‘musts’, ‘should’ and ‘have to’. I splurge a little on feeling good – nice sheets, dark chocolate, books…  No going overboard on anything.  I swim and have dates with myself. I tell myself what I like about myself.  I try to change what I don’t like.  I am luxuriating in the kindness to myself.  I have to stop writing and let that feeling sink in.