REPLENISHING

It’s day 4 of Reverb15.  Today’s prompt and image come from Kathleen Jowitt.  She writes:

As the year ends, and we look back at the joys, achievements and disappointments of the past twelve months, it’s worth taking some time to recognise what our efforts have demanded of us and where our resources have been depleted.

Whether you have spent 2015 bringing some long-cherished project to fruition or simply trying to keep your head above water, it’s likely that this has come at some cost to you.

How can you replenish your (physical, mental, spiritual and/or emotional) resources? What do you need most of all at this moment?

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I am sure many of us arrived in December feeling the weight of the past year heavy on our shoulders.  I know I have.  It is wonderful that I have this revue, Kat McNally’s Reverb, to unload that weight.  Musing and words have always been my way of breathing in and out.  I am breathing in and out as I tap, tap out my thoughts.  I am relaxing and talking to myself.  My words and thoughts are all about myself, so no worries.  I am laying no blames, giving no excuses.  Nothing personal, OK?

2015 was one hell of a struggle, treading and treading, trying to keep my head above water. I had a project or two.  The biggest one was trying to ‘fix’ myself.  I wasn’t good enough, kind enough, generous enough, ***enough.  Enough!  Right?  Why is it that I/we feel this way?  I am sure I am not alone in this.

I failed fixing myself.  Instead I ended up harming myself more. I discovered that I did not need ‘fixing’.  Coming through the trauma of unravelling, I saw what I need was to love myself – MORE.

I am doing that – learning to love myself slowly and steadily.  New habits are difficult to learn, even loving oneself.  So I take it easy with the ‘musts’, ‘should’ and ‘have to’. I splurge a little on feeling good – nice sheets, dark chocolate, books…  No going overboard on anything.  I swim and have dates with myself. I tell myself what I like about myself.  I try to change what I don’t like.  I am luxuriating in the kindness to myself.  I have to stop writing and let that feeling sink in.

 

About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
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5 Responses to REPLENISHING

  1. Oh what a beautiful awareness to come. And although the arriving at it was clearly hard won, I’m very excited for you as you now undertake the practice of “luxuriating in the kindness to (your)self.” That sounds like a most exquisite mission, and I wish you much joy in practicing.

  2. sharah says:

    You are definitely not alone. I struggle with balancing how to love/accept myself as “enough” just as I am, while still recognizing that there are parts about me that I want to change. It’s tough, and the internal self-criticism is SO HARD to get over!

  3. The life you describe in your last paragraph sounds blissful. ‘Must’, ‘should’ and ‘have to’ are dangerous words. I’m glad you’re not fighting with yourself any more.

  4. I am luxuriating in the kindness to myself. …..Oh, I can feel the balm of that. Thank you for sharing what you’ve learned on the journey.

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