Tag Archives: life goes on

GETTING OVER AND OUT OF MYSELF

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November is the hardest month, especially without snow to light up the grey. Yesterday it rained. Then snow came and melted. It was not an easy day. It was a day of pushing and prodding myself to show up and make my own sunshine. The less I show up, the less I want to. The less I talk, the less I have to say. Is there a message here? Is this a season of silence? Is it a time for me to rest and hibernate, to restore and refill my body and spirit?

There are so many things I rather not do, so many places where I don’t want to show up. It’s childish talk. I like to lay down, kick my legs up and down and have a tantrum. I don’t wanna! I don’t wanna! But who would pay attention and listen? I just have to suck it up and do those I rather nots. Life does go on, with or without me. Remember that rhetoric? It’s a truism. I don’t want to be left behind, not when I’m still breathing. I will go along for the ride. I might as well put in a good effort or else it will be a wasted trip.

I will have to pull up my socks again, stand tall and square my shoulders to face the world. It’s not so bad or hard once I’ve made the decision and begin. The words are coming back. They are marching across my screen, forming sentences and thoughts. Ideas are popping into my head and fingers as they tap on the keyboard. I feel the light and energy coming back into my body. Hope is not out of reach as fatigue and the humdrum of the everyday recedes. The ordinary is coming alive again for me. Perhaps seeing Picasso’s linocut collection on still life at the Remai Modern yesterday stirred some excitement in me. It made me think and look at things in different ways. Perhaps that’s the function of art.

 

 

 

 

GOOD FENCES DON’T ALWAYS MAKE FOR GOOD NEIGHBOURS

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A new morning. A new day. I was able to nudge the rock from my hard place. There’s more room to maneuver now. It’s true that not everyone sees the same picture. Not everyone have the same experience of the same situation. I don’t want to live in a world of polarity, one in which you are right and I am wrong or I am right and you are wrong. Must we always talk in absolutes? If we must, then the conversation is dead.

There are more than 50 shades of being anything. But I haven’t been able to negotiate with any yet. I’m living in a world of action and reaction. You are always right or I am always wrong. Nah nah nah nah! I am tired of being polite, diplomatic and travelling the high road, turning my cheek at the same time. I’m tired of having it thrown in my face. I am ready to cede to accepting the fault as mine – just to mend the fence and end the war. It doesn’t make me a better or worse person. But it does end the dispute, argument, and fight over superiority. It puts an end to everything.

I’m not feeling super but neither am I in the pits. Using a worn cliche, Life goes on. The sun is bright and warm. The birds are flitting here and there. I’ve put in my rows of peas. The stakes for them to climb are up, too. Whatever happens between our fences, I might have a few greens to eat later. The Weed Man has been contacted and informed that we do not want any chemicals on our side of the fence, regardless of what the neighbour says.

I feel as if my soul is being poisoned by all this. It is sprayed and wilting. It will brown soon and crumble into a million pieces. So I must raise my fences and put on my impervious shell, smile, nod and still try to be a good human being. What else can I do?