Tag Archives: left brain right brain

SOME INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW NOT TO LIVE & WRITE LIKE A MAD HATTER

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I feel this morning’s darkness in me.  I stretch to receive all that is good out there.  I make my cup of Chai.  Do you know that today is October 6 – 10/6?  It is Mad Hatter Day.  To celebrate I leave my morning bed head alone.  I am such a lucky girl.  I have at least 3 cowlicks.  My head of hair looks quite like the mad guy’s hat every morning.  I will spare you a picture.

Inhaling and exhaling a few times has ushered in a breath of joie de vivre.  The darkness is gone.  I’m myself again.  Rituals and habits of quigong and a rich cup of Chai gets me moving.  I’ve discovered through trial and error,  I work best in 15 minute stretches.

IMG_1505It makes a lot of sense for me.  I am impatient and have a short attention span and fuse.  I interrupt people a lot.  Details drive me mad.  I live life in a whoosh, what is also known as The Big Gulp.  Remember those?  I don’t think we’ve recovered from that.  We are still in the BIG of things, the more of stuff, the faster the better all the time.  If I click enter and nothing happens, I get pissed off PDQ.  I get rude.

When I lived like that, there was no savouring, no discerning of nuances.  Everything  struck me with full force – right smack in the face.  I reacted and bounced off walls.  Then it was over.  I scratched my head, wondering what the hell had happened.  It was too late.  I had done myself harm.

I’m trying to do different now.  I’m stretching and exercising my left brain.  Calmness and orderliness would be a good change of pace.  I don’t want to live by emotions alone.  What Lola wants, Lola gets.  That’s how the song goes, right?  I’m having some success.  Let me see if I can lay it out for you.

It’s not the sort of thing that I’m good at.  I’m not skilled at articulating a process.  I’m not good at teaching or giving instructions.  I’ve never mentored nor asked to mentor a student or a novice nurse in my 30 plus years as a nurse.  It’s not that I’m not a team player. It’s that I’ve never been asked.

IMG_1506Is my nose a little disjointed over the fact?  No, but it is a little sore.  I have the belief that I’m lacking.  I’m not good enough. There’s a bit of shame, too in not being an elder.   Let me not wait any longer for someone to ask  tell me to do something. Let me do it, practice a weakness/a want – working in 15 minutes or as Anne Lamott says in her book BIRD BY BIRD, writing down as much as she can see through a one-inch picture frame.

I’m finding life and writing much easier and palatable in small bites.  I put my focus in that 15 minute/one-inch frame. There is no room or time for me to get irritated and frustrated.  My energy is contained and directed.  I am safe, creating in my sacred space.  I let go of all else for that time.  There’s time enough after for all else.

I keep the promises to myself, staying committed to the 15 minutes, writing at least 500 words/day.  If things are flowing the minutes stretch a bit, of course.  Practice does make better.  Thoughts, ideas, or pictures that come in smoky vapours are jotted down because I know what happens if I trust that to my memory.

A caught word, a phrase, a sentence or two work magic for me.  They have prompted me to write a couple of hundred words upon rising the next morning.  When I’m stuck, I get up and do something else.  There’s no sense in wasting time pushing myself and getting frustrated.  I use those frustration times to stretch, do a load of laundry, tidy up my desk… Little things add up to a lot of housework done, leaving me more free time and feeling mellow.

This morning after I had written 300 some words, I had breakfast.  Then I put the makings of chicken soup – carving the carcass, washing and chopping up vegetables  – on the stove to simmer while Sheba and I went for our walk.

IMG_1507We’re back and I am putting the finishing touches on my instructions.  Not great, but I’m trying and practicing on thinking logically.  I hope there’s sense and order in the directions.

The chicken soup is ready.  Do you find this helpful in any way?

 

LIFE IN ALL DIRECTIONS

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I like to start the morning with a cup of Tetley’s Chai, strong and sweet.  Its spiciness warms and stimulates me from the inside out.  One sip and I’m ready at the keyboard.

IMG_5896I am not good at directions.  Anyone who knows me knows that.  My mother says I got that from my father.  Funny how all my ‘bad’ traits came from that direction.  Never mind!  It’s a common dance between mothers and fathers.  If the children are wise, they would stay out of their way and not get their toes stepped on.

Back to directions.  I don’t have any.  I get lost a lot, especially in a new place.  My friends know that if I’m late meeting them, I’m probably lost.  But I am learning – after all these years – to get written directions before hand.  I go to google map and print it out.  Life can be that simple if you stay calm and use your brain.

My brain IS my problem.  I am more right than left brain.  I am not at all analytical and logical.  I think with my feelings.  I head out in the approximate direction I thought the address is, thinking I would get there somehow.  No wonder it takes me hours (I’m embarrassed to say) to find a place.  How stupid of me!

I have learned my lesson though.  Even if I have a handicap, there are tools – maps, GPS, google, etc.  I could slow down, think it out and not get overwhelmed before rushing off. That is my problem, you see.  My brain gets schmucked with the WHOLE picture, with whatever I’m dealing with at the time.  And I’m like a deer in headlights.  I don’t know what to do.  I freeze, then I run off in all directions.

IMG_5553You’ll be relieved and happy to know that I was not like that as a nurse.  On the contrary, I was the opposite.  In emergencies, something would click inside me. Things slow down and I see with much more clarity.  Sometimes I see in black and white, like a Kodak moment.

I worried that others would think I was not doing my best. I felt slower but with more purpose.  It was a relief to be told by ones that mattered that I was calm and competent.  You would be safe in my hands.  Flapping only created more chaos, slowing things.

IMG_2961I am changing directions now,  taking time, trying to be more analytical and not to rush pell mell, like a bat out of hell.  I can be more focused with purpose.  I don’t have to wait for an emergency.  I don’t have to save someone else’s life.  I will do it to save mine.

Funny what happens when you live life in 15-minute segments and do the best you can.  I can map out where I want to go AND get there – most of the time. There are no absolutes.  I am sure I will still get lost a time or two.  But now I have better tools to find my way.